I just started therapy a little over a month ago. I have been diligent with the homework my therapist gives me and want to follow her treatment plan. But I also have found so many self-help resources--this board, youtube videos,etc. It feels so good to be educating myself about this condition, but sometimes I wonder whether it may be counterproductive and trying to move too fast??
Should I be sharing the fact that I am utilizing other resources with my therapist? I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I am afraid she will get mad at me if she finds out I've also been seeking help on the internet.
Hi Lily,
In my experience using outside resources is a wonderful addition to individual therapy. It takes a community and lots of work to heal this stuff. I have always been encouraged to utilize groups/books etc in conjunction with my therapy. As long as the resources are safe and trauma informed it is likely very beneficial.
All that being said I am not a practitioner, but this has been my experience.
Elphanigh,
That is so good to hear that is generally encouraged! I think I will share some of the things I've been reading about here with her. For so many years, I've addressed certain symptoms of C-PTSD without really understanding how the parts fit into the whole. Like I would try to work on things like procrastination when there were times I was struggling with it, but never got fully to the root cause of it.
I really would love to share some of this self-discovery with her and do some more connecting of the dots.
Lily, I would love to know what you are/have been reading. I am always looking for new things
Unless therapists consider themselves the be-all, end-all of precisely what all their clients need, they should be open to, even happy about, your use of outside resources. Sometimes you might even turn up something she was unaware of or hasn't had the time to investigate herself. This has happened in my own therapy, and my T was interested to know not just for herself, but that I was showing initiative and willingness to plunge into whatever I could find.
As a small example of how this works, both my therapist and I are musically inclined; and I've been able to share with her various tunes that have helped me weather the storm, often material she wasn't aware of and was grateful to know about.
So it's a two-way street and besides, it's your therapy; the T is actually a companion/witness to your own journey in seeking help. Think of it this way--someday circumstances may intervene and you will be on your own again. Finding out as much as you can beyond the therapy sessions is really what it's all about in the overall picture, in my opinion.
Mind you, she has her expertise in certain areas, but it would be rare indeed if even her approach didn't have gaps, or that you won't find ways to supplement what she's providing. This is why I'm of the viewpoint that therapy is not pure science, but an artful application of what we do--and don't--know. And we're also pretty individual in what helps us in and out of therapy.
Elphanigh, there are many counselors and abuse survivors on YouTube who post videos about C-PTSD. One of my favorites is Athena Moberg, who does regular weekly video Q & A's, and I've been trying to find as much of her stuff as I can get my hands on. There are others who have particular interests in certain aspects of it--like for veterans and people who have survived narcissistic abuse. I was so happy the other day because I had been procrastinating, and I wondered if procrastination was common in C-PTSD. I did a search, and up popped a few videos discussing it.
But I by far I have gotten so much information just from this site and people posting their personal experiences. It has been so valuable for me to see so many different people and experiences who are all suffering from the same common set of symptoms.
Woodsgnone thanks so much your post was so illuminating! I am new to therapy so I was kind of thinking of my treatment plan as a "doctor's orders" type of thing. But I guess I need to be thinking of it more as a relationship with a very knowledgeable friend. I am the type that feels like I have to do what I'm told and is afraid to speak up.
Lily, It is funny you mention Athena ;D I have been watching her for a couple of years and participate in her FB/online groups. As of like a month and a half ago I started volunteering for the CPTSD Foundation that she is creating, so I work with her directly. It is a wonderful experience, and great to be a part of something that helps so many people. I am leading their healing book club that starts in November! Super exciting adventure. Anyways, sorry to get exited, she is one of my favorites and I am always grateful to hear others have found her too. She is how I found Out of the Storm too.
Hi again LilyITV,
I've had both sorts of therapists, and likewise found a world of difference between the super-controlled sorts and those open to considering me as part of the process. This isn't to say that benefit can't be derived from someone more controlling, perhaps it just reflects my personal taste.
The worst T I ever had was someone who steered everything back to her major thesis in college. Well, okay, but it all had to fit in that little box or it didn't seem valid to her, and neither did I.
Still, it's also about personal matching, and humans run the gamut. We have a 'plan' as well, but it's subject to variation depending on her expertise but also my input and experience are considered. which helps me feel validated and a part of the process, which in the end is why the therapeutic relationship exists.
Which isn't to say how either you or your T should interact, just some thoughts on my own take, given that I have had these various experiences. Take care; I hope that T can work for you.
Quote from: Elphanigh on October 12, 2018, 09:15:59 PM
Lily, It is funny you mention Athena ;D I have been watching her for a couple of years and participate in her FB/online groups. As of like a month and a half ago I started volunteering for the CPTSD Foundation that she is creating, so I work with her directly. It is a wonderful experience, and great to be a part of something that helps so many people. I am leading their healing book club that starts in November! Super exciting adventure. Anyways, sorry to get exited, she is one of my favorites and I am always grateful to hear others have found her too. She is how I found Out of the Storm too.
Oh wow, that is so exciting! She is such an inspirational woman. She is so knowledgeable, but empathetic, encouraging, human and open. I need to look into her book club too. I have been looking through her videos and found so many topics that speak to me.
I also find it really interesting that you have a community of people who have suffered many different types of abuse, but the effects of that abuse are similar.
Quote from: woodsgnome on October 12, 2018, 09:23:02 PM
Hi again LilyITV,
I've had both sorts of therapists, and likewise found a world of difference between the super-controlled sorts and those open to considering me as part of the process. This isn't to say that benefit can't be derived from someone more controlling, perhaps it just reflects my personal taste.
The worst T I ever had was someone who steered everything back to her major thesis in college. Well, okay, but it all had to fit in that little box or it didn't seem valid to her, and neither did I.
Still, it's also about personal matching, and humans run the gamut. We have a 'plan' as well, but it's subject to variation depending on her expertise but also my input and experience are considered. which helps me feel validated and a part of the process, which in the end is why the therapeutic relationship exists.
Which isn't to say how either you or your T should interact, just some thoughts on my own take, given that I have had these various experiences. Take care; I hope that T can work for you.
I think I would really hate to have a controlling sort of therapist. I really hate controlling people in general and find them very triggering.
Update: So 3 weeks later and I'm still too much of a chicken to bring up all the self-help stuff I've been doing on the side. with my therapist. A part of me really wants to share that with her but a part of me is still very scared. I guess I will bring it up when I'm ready. :Idunno:
Some of us, wanting to share something with a therapist but not having the courage, have used a couple of different techniques to make ourselves known.
One is physically writing a note to hand to them in session. Another is using email, but this can backfire if they don't read it, or if they're not open to getting emails between sessions (which to me is totally understandable). And I've asked my therapist to not look at me while I say something.
Maybe others will have other suggestions. Of course there's always the option of simply keeping it to yourself. 😉
These are great suggestions! I think I would be most comfortable sharing my thoughts by email, but yeah, don't know if she checks or if she's open to that.
It's really feels good for me to know that others struggle sometimes feeling comfortable sharing certain things with their therapist. I've been feeling like such a baby over it.
Hi Lilytv, I had not checked this thread in a while.. I definitely agree she is all of those things. The community like this one is diverse in background , yet amazing and supportive.
I love three roses suggestions for helping tell your T. I have found sometimes an email helps me too or writing it out to myself before trying to tell her.
I just happened to think of something - maybe you could just tell her you've got something to say but you can't say it? And then ask her if you can email it to her. Then she'll know to look for it, or maybe she will have other suggestions... :Idunno:
hi, llily,
i'm a therapist, and to my mind i think of the therapeutic relationship as having you in control and the therapist as a guide. you can decide what you want to say, when, how much, how quickly, when you're ready - all that stuff. the therapist, in the meantime, is learning about you and hopefully has more knowledge of when it would be better to slow down, when you might need a gentle nudge, or when it might be a good time to try something different, like a different approach, angle, etc.
any good therapist does not get angry with a client for what they say. anything the client brings to a session is simply information the t can use to better understand you, your trauma, its effects, how it plays out in your life, and what might be a positive way to change or adjust behaviors, perspectives, perceptions, etc. or how to manage them in a more positive way for your life.
i know it can be scary to be vulnerable with someone. it may take you more time with this new t to build up a feeling of trust and a sense of safety. you don't have to push yourself, or feel like you have to be in a rush. it's your recovery, your pace. your first priority in therapy is your sense of well-being, and as far as i'm concerned, the first priority of a t is what's best for the client.
thanks for being here and sharing. sending a warm, safe hug.
Quote from: LilyITV on November 08, 2018, 04:52:20 PM
It's really feels good for me to know that others struggle sometimes feeling comfortable sharing certain things with their therapist. I've been feeling like such a baby over it.
I still struggle sometimes. That 'shame' thing or 'guilt' thing gets in the way. Sometimes in the past it has helped me to say "I can't say it" and then hey presto, I could do so! Or sometimes I wasn't able but a therapist was able to at least get me to realise what was blocking my speech emotionally.
You're certainly not a baby however long it takes. Healing sometimes moves in mysterious ways and it certainly takes its own time in my experience. The thing I want healed now might not be able to do so until some thing presently unknown to me heals. My experience again and again.
I have always struggled to tell my therapist things like you, I haven't told her I do self help books and this forum. But I'm sure she wouldn't care, she would encourage me in fact, she has always encouraged me to take the lead in my recovery, or maybe discouraged me from being too dependant on her to take the lead, this really bothered me at first but it has helped me take more control of my life. I agree with San, a good therapist will not be too controlling, well maybe in certain situations, not a therapist myself just my ideas.
I can't thank everyone enough for your words. It really helps to know that what I'm feeling is common and helps me stop beating myself up over it. It's also really helpful to hear things from your perspective as an actual therapist sanmagic!! Very illuminating for me!
LilyITV,
I struggle with telling my T things sometimes as well. I have been seeing her for the better part of two years now, and have a great therapeutic relationship with her. However, sometimes there are certain things that are harder to say or share still. I have come to learn that it is okay to tell her I am not ready to share a particular item, or that I feel like something else needs to be processed first in order to get there kind of thing.
You are doing and sharing at a pace that is safe to you. Sharing and trust comes with time, it is part of what we are healing. :hug: