Hi all,
lots of activity in my world at the moment.
Firstly, I am now settled in Wales in an outstanding flat. A fraction of the cost of London and bigger, brighter and calmer. A very good move.
secondly, I'm beginning the final taper of my meds. Brain zaps! Very complex, but my new doc is really good and I'm feeling backed up in all the right ways. All the same, it's gonna be rough and I'm ready for that. Plan for the worst and hope for the best.
Have applied for a perfect job teaching. Not going to hold my breath, and I'm pretty good at not pinning all my hopes on single eggs in baskets etc etc. I stand a very good chance tho, as good as it gets even. Meanwhile, a potential movie option on my novel fell through.Pity, but am not sweating it. Going to take it as a good sign that I'm on the right track.
Am still up against it with work tho. I'm surrounded by flakey clients, flakey co-workers and planning my time and budgeting my income is going to be a knife edger right up til may. Then I'm released form the business partnership and it's either a basic job plus a few bits of freelance, or I go another round with the same projects and a different team. It shoukld be very simple to tell me what the plan is now so I can ack accordingly... but no. It blows my mind how inefficient publishers can be. The more people you have on staff, the slower the decisions, and yet they can't do the projects unless I'm on team so you'd think it would be good to keep me sweet.Nope. It's like getting an arms limitation out of the Nort Koreans. I'm very done with all this, but am too busy with it to pull out just yet. Frustrating as my recovery needs the work side of things under control.
The PTSD is definitly waning tho. I really think that the big weapon against it has been a mix of time and knowledge. The more I've read up on it the weaker its hold over me. I've also felt more able to reconcile the dreadful behaviour of my partner, biz partner, brother and mother in my head as I've become increasingly sure of the facts. At the end of the day, it was totally unreasonable by any metric and time has born out just how wrong these infallible people are.
Gaslighting is the killer. You have these sustained periods of trauma in which objective reasoning becomes utterly distorted and your sense of self is obliterated. It's downright evil. My confidence returns daily, but it is a horrible drain on your sense of self.
But right is right and wrong is wrong. Keep on course with the logical messages and, in time, normality takes hold again. Go no contact if you can, if you can't, remind yourself daily of what are the norms of human behaviour and make them your mantra. We are right, they are wrong. It really is that simple.
People in the right NEVER have to resort to such mindless tactics to maintain their place in the world, remember that.
Very pleased you are getting on with things and looking ahead.
Taking control is so much better than not.
I recently got off venlafaxine which was brain zap mungous, I hope yours pass soon.