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Hey, so I'm back again... my nhs therapy came to an end and I still felt I had a way to go, have managed fairly well without therapy but now at the point where I know I needed to have more. So rather then waiting months to be re referred I found myself a private therapist who specialises in cptsd and does emdr. I spoke to her before my appointment last week and all seemed good, I met with her and she was nice seemed like she knew what she was talking about. Last wk was just the basic info of my timeline, me telling her what works for me and what doesn't it. I said I'd chosen her because I wanted emdr specifically which she nodded and told me how she operates etc.
I went back this morning expecting to start emdr and instead she's talked to me Cbt style, given me Cbt homework and told me how I need to find the good in everything I do etc. No mention of emdr. I came out feeling very disappointed the fact being that I've had Cbt before and it did nothing for me, I'm already feeling frustrated by her and thinking I don't want to go back and she's not listening.  My question is do I go back and say what I feel ( which I'm always uncomfortable with) do I just not go back, or do I re apply for therapy on the nhs again and ask to see the therapist that's helped me for the last few years? Just feeling angry and annoyed- not being listened to again.

Hi everyone, I've not been on here for a while because I'm just at a total loss and have given up. I've been in therapy for a few years I've had psychotherapy, Eft, nlp, cbt and emdr. I thought I'd made progress with the emdr and was sorted but no literally everything I have processed has come back. I'm back to all the old traumas, feel like I've taken 50 steps  back in my recovery and am back where I was about 4 years ago. I just don't know what to do now, I'm seeing a private therapist who is lovely and is trying her best to help with a whole range of different therapies but I feel so bad in between. 

Trigger warning; ok, sorry for the post, pretty much it's  the end, can't take anymore. Tonight I've collected my sons and husband from football we got into the house they had a huge punch up the 3 of them, me was the one trying to stop it, ended up with them all falling out with me in a big way, my husband has told me exactly what he thinks of me so now just don't know where I'm going.... they've taken their disagreements out on me, tried to be the peacemaker and ended up In an attacking situation with them alll... I'm done, can't do this anymore I try so hard to be a good mum and wife and I've been seriously slated by the lot of them.... alcohol by them is heavily involved but I know I'm a crap wife and mum I can't help what's going on, tried to call the police to help and phone got disconnected. Just feel I need to be off on my own doing my thing now. None of them respect me or care such an eye opener to me... I'm ready to end... why do I put myself through so much *, can't be putting up with feeling this worthless and defeated anymore....  any help greatly received... I'm so worthless and can't fight anymore...

Not sure I'm posting in right place, but anyway, been going through lots of relationship issues and it all came to a head at the weekend when my husband admitted to me he was very jealous of me, my personality, the way I connect with people, my success in life, the relationship with our children etc.... the list goes on. My anxiety is through the roof as I just don't know where to go from here, how can I stay married to someone that is so resentful of me? I caught him telling a lot of lies about me to a friend and when I confronted him he said he can't help it just feels that's what he has to do! I'm at a loss here, completely confused, angry not sure what to say or do next really. This has been going on for about 20 years but he finally admitted it after all this time. Any advice gratefully received.

I'm back in therapy. My Therapist told me she believed I was holding on to my ptsd as I was scared at letting myself go forwards, after a lot of thought, I think some of this is true and it did shock me. Anyway the session went on and she talked about my potential in life what she thought I was capable of etc all very positive, then said you've got to move on you've got to allow yourself to be free now, you've carried this for too long it's my time to shine etc. I just broke down completely because I know this but won't let myself do it. Anyway 2 days later I still can't stop crying really unusual for me, but I feel like something or someone has died like I'm on a huge grieving process I feel completely lost if not abandoned?? Could this perhaps be an inner child thing or has reality hit me hard and I'm grieving for what Ive lost etc I'm very confused and would really appreciate any advice.

Do other people feel totally exhausted and struggle to literally do anything? I sleep 12-14 hours but with really vivid often scary dreams where I wake up and for a long time I'm still in that dream. But as the day goes on, I struggle to get dressed and do anything productive. I thought I actually must be ill so visited the gp and had lots of blood tests and everything is ok. Now I'm thinking, am I just totally lazy or is this connected to the cptsd/depression? I really do struggle to just get washed and dressed sometimes and when I do I tell myself off, I see myself as lazy which I hate and wonder sometimes if I use my diagnoses as an escape but when I say I struggle I really mean I do, all the time my brain is telling me to go to sleep, go back to bed but it's like my body keeps fighting on and saying no you need to do these things etc, I end up in a viscous cycle where I want to but I can't then when I don't I make myself worse! Just wondered if anyone else was like this or maybe it's just me'

Have you all looked at the ACE scores? Well, according to me, I have a nine out of ten so that means I'm going to die early, have lots of diseases etc...;; ok, I have diagnosed cptsd. Depression and anxiety so does that mean I'm about to die?! I'm nearly 50, so I guess according to those results, that's It, I'm doomed!!' How can they work that out???

Hi, does anyone know if bipolar and cptsd are in any way linked/or how would you know if you had both?
I know you're not medical professionals on here but I can't make sense of my erratic mood, I literally go from being on a real cheerful happy high like I can do anything to a crashing depressed low where I just want to stay in bed all day and not face the world. I feel like I get caught up in between the 2 and aren't quite sure which one I am.
I had an assessment a few years ago for bipolar, I ticked every box apart from one about sexual activity, the question asked was do I use sex in a dangerous or controlling manner which I answered no to and then was told I wasn't bipolar but had ptsd instead. Or are cptsd and bipolar symptoms similar in anyway? I'm just confused by all the different diagnoses of things and aren't really sure where I sit with it all.

Hi, not been on here for a while, just frustrated as ever with the nhs failing me again. Back in March I was making good progress with emdr but my therapist was concerned about my anxiety and referred me to what I thought was anxiety clinic, I was told I'd be seen within a few weeks..... after 3 months of waiting I contacted them and was told there was very little in my area but they have found a Cbt lady who could support me, was booked up with her for 12 weeks and saw her twice at which point she went on long term sick leave that was it then nothing... 6 weeks later I was told I could go on a support group in my area, not great with groups but gave it a go, have been on it for 5 weeks and it's a self esteem group!! I don't have self esteem issues, every week I pointed out to the therapist running it that I'm on the wrong group this isn't what I need, they set homework for issues I haven't got, I told him this is ridiculous for me as to do the work I have to try and get myself into a situation that doesn't even affect me so sets me back instead of forwards. Eventually after my 5 th wk  he agreed with me that he' had no idea why I was on this course and should be somewhere else, I voiced my frustration and he listened, he said I need a trauma therapist- well really I was told that 3 years ago, then informed me that there is no trauma therapist in the area apart from someone who's nearly passed her training and would need to be supervised in working with me!! Oh and it's a 3-5 month waiting list!' I'm so frustrated yet again with the system, back in March I was feeling so much better and believe if I could have just continued where I was I would be a hundred times better, just feel like it's setback after setback, I know what I need, who I need to see, but why won't they listen. The mental health system here is so bad not enough staff or resources, really disappointed and feeling I have to find my own way through this now.

Hi, I've posted on here quite a lot recently about nlp and changing how we feel about ourselves.
I'm a long term cptsd sufferer but just want to emphasis to you all how much nlp has helped me. I know I keep going on about it, but out of all the hundreds and years of therapies I've had this is the one that is totally transforming me.
Just simple word changes can change a day for me, instead of can't and shouldn't, don't etc I totally change it into positives. The positive affirmations I hold about myself now are what give me the drive and belief in starting each new day as a new one and giving me the determination to keep going. Every small job i do I now affirm it positively and tell  myself well done, it does really change how you feel about yourself, it's only taken me a few weeks but I can both see and feel the change in me.
Believe me, I was the most negative person always looking Down on myself for everything I did, but now it's not like that. Positive self talk really does change the wiring in the brain and every task seems easier now to me.
I'm finally on a winning streak and loving the change in me, I just want to try and get it out there for others to see how it can help,too, it's not an over night miracle cure but if you can put that effort  you will get so much out of it. Please try it for you!!!x

I'm going through quite a journey  at the moment with all the different kind of therapies I've been having, but I have to say that NLP, is actually the one that has totally changed me. I've completely changed my way of thinking now and have looked at how words have affected me. I listen to what people have  to say then I re evaluate it all,picking out the positives and dismissing the negative.
By doing this, I'm setting myself healthy boundaries and not letting people manipulate me, if I don't want to do something now then I say no and not worry about what I'm feeling and wanting instead of them. It's about putting yourself first and for the first time ever I'm actually enjoying being this way and finally feeling free.

Hi, I've just completed a Diploma in NLP and wanted to share what I've learn from it.
First I'd like to talk about words with no meaning such as should, can't, won't, not.
How many of us wake up and say to ourselves 'I can't get out of bed, I don't want to do that, I should have been better in that etc etc.
Words are damaging and to ourselves. Instead if we turn the should of around to I can, our brain implants a more positive I can do response, think about your self talk, what do you say to yourself on a daily basis? When I look at my 'self talk' it's totally negative of what I should have, didn't, can't wont etc, but if I can turn those one words around into I will, I can, I might do , I want to, suddenly you get a feeling of accomplishment instead of negativity, each positive word can lead to a positive affirmation and so on until eventually your brain chemistry starts changing from the negative to a positive,  give it a go yourself really fixating in the positives and notice  in your body how it feels, again go with the positive feel and start to build on that. I've been doing this for a few days now and I'm feeling so much better for it. Hope this works for you all, really trying to forget the negatives now and focus on moving forward and being positive in my life.x

Hi has anyone done TRE to release trauma?? I've had 3 sessions, the first 2 were ok where just my legs shook uncontrollably for 5 mins, yesterday though I really didn't like what happened, I spent the rest of the day and night still shaking uncontrollably, I was sick, had flashbacks panic attacks and severe anxiety. Ended up taking some beta blockers which I hadn't taken for months to calm me down.
The experience I feel has left me in a really bad place now, I've googled as much as I can about it but can't find anything about this or side effects etc.
Just wondered if anyone else had done tre and had a similar experience ?

Hi, as most of you know I've been in therapy a few years now through the nhs in the uk. I'm currently seeing a Cbt lady who is full of positive ideas etc. She asked me how much time I spend on the internet which is quite a lot then asked me what I went on. I told her about this site and a few other similar ones I belong to.
She said I shouldn't go on these sites as they are more damaging then helpful, she said I'll get caught up in other people's dramas she called it and there is nothing positive except people discussing what's wrong with them and I'll end up more depressed if I continue.
I've thought about this a lot, and I must admit because I'm highly sensitive I do take on what other people are saying and I do think about it and sometimes worry about it. On this site I feel like I know some of you really well and can so relate to what people are saying.
I've also found it incredibly validating on here due to the wonderful help I've received from so many of you.
I'm just wondering tho, does anyone else on here get totally absorbed and drawn in to other people's problems?
Could it in some way be more damaging to ourselves?
I'm in no way criticising theses sites because without them I personally feel I'd be nowhere and have loved the support and really enjoy offering help and advice to other people.
Now my Cbt has said this to me I'm thinking maybe I do spend too much time on here and similar sites, maybe I should just stay away for a while and see if I do feel better in myself?
Has anyone else thought about this as well? Was just interested in other people's thoughts about it.

Please can anyone explain how the body suppresses things that have happened.
I'm just going through a major flashback, I'm getting scene by scene very slowly of a s.a episode that happened to me when I was 6.
I don't understand tho, why have I not remembered this before? Where is all this suddenly coming from?
Part of me thinks I must have imagined it, yet I know from how my brain and body are reacting to it that I haven't imagined it.
I am feeling physically sick and shaking non stop and now having to go back to alcohol to help relieve the pain I'm feeling and to cover it up.
Is it possible that your body and brain can store something like this for this longober 40 years  and then for it to suddenly be staring me in the face?
I literally feel like I'm going mad.
Can anyone help me with this please.

I've been on citalopram for. Nearly 16 years. I spoke with my dr recently and said I don't think they are working anymore.
She said oh antidepressants don't stop working it's not possible, it probably means you're feeling more depressed and need to 'up' your dose.
I came away feeling a bit unsure, I know none of you are dr's, but I would have thought like most tablets your body would get used to them and the effects would ware out after a time?
Does anyone know if this is the case with antidepressants, has anyone switched to a different one after a long time and got better results?
I just feel like I'm taking one every day and still feel really depressed, how would I be if I didn't take them etc, I know I'd have to be careful coming off as I've been on them so long, but I'm quite tempted to do so just to see if they actually do make a difference or not.

About a year ago I wrote how I can't cry, this week I can't stop. I saw a Cbt lady on Tuesday and I've done a bit of inner child work with a private therapist lately. Since Tuesday tho I just keep crying which is weird because we didn't really talk about much apart from my anxiety now which I quickly realised is more depression then anxiety.
I've been out today with friends but had to keep disappearing for 'toilet' breaks so I could wipe my tears, I don't know why I'm crying, I'm not even thinking of anything in particular. I was food shopping earlier and had tears rolling down my face, no sobs or noises just tears pouring from me.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what is going on? This is extremely rare for me to be like this and it's starting to freak me out a little, I've also had not very nice thoughts about me and the rest of my life etc which again I feel like I've never been or felt this low before. 

So finally after a long disappointment email to my nhs clinic I had a 4 wk wait for anxiety clinic, had my first Cbt appointment today, the therapist was lovely very personable and given me various sheets to fill in, a mood diary etc. Actually really interesting reading back through what I've written and my triggers etc, hoping it carries on well, have got 8 was worth through the nhs so greatful for that, hoping it sorts all the 'negative stuff out". Will keep you posted or let you know of any coping strategies she comes up with, have really been struggling so glad I contacted them or else I'd still be waiting...........

I got fed up with waiting for the nhs to contact me, I found an email address and sent an email saying how disappointed I was with the lack of contact I had, I then received a telephone call telling me that they are extremely short staffed and there were only male therapists available and as I have requested female my waiting time has to be longer, but then they have managed to find someone who can re assess me in 2 weeks time, quite why I need to be reassessed I don't know!!
In the meantime I have found a private therapist who specialises in inner child work which is where I'm at 'mentally ' not feeling I can move on until I have sorted the inner stuff out. I have had 2 sessions with her, she is nice and is helpful but I feel I can only do inner child work with her as she's not trauma trained etc and can't give me everything I need. But I shall work with her as anything is better then nothing and hope maybe with my re assessment with the nhs I may get somewhere but I'm not holding my breath!!!

Hi all, not posted for a while as was really feeling better and thinking for the first time, I'm ok now, I've moved on I don't need any help!!! A great feeling but not to last, wham! It's back again that feeling of being worthless, wanting to end it all, drinking TIL it's all ok, but it's not and feel like I'm back to the beginning, doing inner child work omg it's hard, my dissociated identity thought it was ok but now the real me has realised it really wasn't. I've cut the ties tried to move forward but fell back on the first hurdle and here I am yet again struggling to make sense of anything.....
Cigarettes, alcohol they see me through , but real life and existence how do I survive how do I cope???
Want the hole to open swallow me up and be no more, this emptiness I can take no more!!!!!!!!
Just want the crap to end but when it does it comes back and bites me hard........ hate it, go away, leave me alone........ how do you move forward feel like I've tried everything and here I am again back where I started!........