So I am working extremely hard in therapy, maybe even a bit obsessive-compulsive. Reading numerous books, reading posts , posting, on this forum and others. Analyzing, journaling, grieving etc etc. I learned here that lots of people who were giving their therapist who don't know about CPSTD the book by Pete Walker. I briefly mentioned CPSTD to my therapist months ago and she didn't know what it was and I gave her a brief answer and we never spoke of it again.
Yesterday, after rereading the book and discovering all kinds of aha moments, I decided to give the book to my therapist. She said to me, "How long do I have to read it?" I said something to the effect that she could just skim it and I had underlined some things-not really answering her question.
Later after the session I began feeling really vulnerable. I felt like I am making my therapist do homework and that she might resent it. I also felt like maybe she won't think the book is worthy of her attention. Then thoughts of how its all going to play out. Do I really want to be diagnosed with CPTSD? or do I just really think there are great insights in the book about things that I am going through.
Another problem is that my insurance pays less than other insurance companies do for her services-maybe $15-25 less. So I struggle with not working her too hard. The only reason I know my insurance company pays less is that she has mentioned it. She mentioned it and than quickly said she wasn't that concerned with money at this point in her life, she is semi-retired. When she and I discussed that at maybe some point my husband and I may need some family therapy she said - you need to find someone good and with your insurance that might be hard.
In general, I feel vulnerable and I didn't sleep last night and I am wondering why such a big deal about a book? Where is this feeling of vulnerability coming from?
Yesterday, after rereading the book and discovering all kinds of aha moments, I decided to give the book to my therapist. She said to me, "How long do I have to read it?" I said something to the effect that she could just skim it and I had underlined some things-not really answering her question.
Later after the session I began feeling really vulnerable. I felt like I am making my therapist do homework and that she might resent it. I also felt like maybe she won't think the book is worthy of her attention. Then thoughts of how its all going to play out. Do I really want to be diagnosed with CPTSD? or do I just really think there are great insights in the book about things that I am going through.
Another problem is that my insurance pays less than other insurance companies do for her services-maybe $15-25 less. So I struggle with not working her too hard. The only reason I know my insurance company pays less is that she has mentioned it. She mentioned it and than quickly said she wasn't that concerned with money at this point in her life, she is semi-retired. When she and I discussed that at maybe some point my husband and I may need some family therapy she said - you need to find someone good and with your insurance that might be hard.
In general, I feel vulnerable and I didn't sleep last night and I am wondering why such a big deal about a book? Where is this feeling of vulnerability coming from?