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Hi,

For many years I have had stressful dreams. I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding and my stomach churning. (I can't be sure whether the dreams are causing the stomach/digestive discomfort or vice versa.) The dreams themselves usually evaporate soon after I wake up and I very rarely remember the details. It can take me a little while to calm down enough to go back to sleep. Deep breathing and reading helps. The dreams can be tense or uncomfortable, but not necessarily scary. It's very much like being a character in a movie, going through the story as it happens. Sometimes I want to stay in the dream so I can find out what happens. That's fun here and there, but I wish it didn't happen quite so often as it doesn't result in a refreshed Morelia the next morning.

Does or has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with it? Did it become less frequent after being treated for CPTSD?

I think I'm having low-level emotional flashbacks nearly every time I interact with other people. The flashbacks are not obvious and therefore hard to describe - and catch! For example, I worry that I'm bothering someone or that I'll be met with a negative response if I express an idea. I fear my needs and wants are not important and if I state them out loud I'll be ridiculed. These little moments are accompanied by a surge of anxiety.

I realised this could be happening when I had an informal meeting with someone, where I suggested that I wanted to try a particular project that's a bit "out there" for me. This someone is a safe person, and I know that intellectually, yet the rest of me was waiting for him to pour scorn on the idea or outright laugh at me. When he said "Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea!" and ran with it I was so surprised it felt like the world lurched sideways for a moment. His response was all positive and I think he was even a bit proud of me. It made me realise how skewed my inbuilt expectations are.

If it's true it would explain why anxiety is pretty much my constant companion, alleviated greatly, but not entirely, when I go home and shut the door behind me. It would also explain why I struggled to cope with flatmates when I had them.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? How did you deal with it?

Hi,

I am new to the idea that I might have CPTSD. I've read a bit about emotional flashbacks, including the stuff on Pete Walker's website. With my newfound knowledge I think I've identified one kind of EF I experience. It's always very quick, so quick that I'd previously dismissed it as an overreaction. Last time it happened it was triggered by a loud voice and resulted in a pounding heart, a hot, flushed face and an intense feeling of possibly panic that caused me to freeze. I think it was only a couple of minutes long, five minutes at most before the feeling started fading. Even though it was short, it was a totally disproportionate reaction. The person who owns the voice is a safe person. I like him. He wasn't even yelling, just joking around. There is no reason I should be afraid of him.

So I'm pretty sure that's an EF, although I'd appreciate confirmation (or dissent). But after reading some of the forum posts, I wonder if I get longer EFs as well that I haven't identified yet. Can you please describe how EFs manifest for you?

Thank you.

Hi,

I came to this forum and to CPTSD the long way around. I had a traumatic childhood (in short, I have a parent whose behaviour was highly damaging to me; I lived in a household full of tension due to my parents' toxic marriage; and I experienced bullying/nasty teasing/ostracism at school). I don't remember a lot of it and brushed it aside for many years, unaware of or unwilling to face how much it had affected me. I couldn't even acknowledge that I'd suffered childhood trauma because it sounded (and still sounds, to be honest) so overdramatic to me.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's about six years ago, which rings true and explains a lot about my life (including why I had such a hard time with the social side of school). However, I began to realise it might not be the complete story when I came across CPTSD. A lot of my quirks that I'd been ascribing to autism actually fit the diagnostic criteria for CPTSD. The only thing I wasn't sure about was the emotional flashbacks. I couldn't remember ever having had one.

A couple of weeks ago someone's loud voice triggered a strong response in me: my heart started pounding hard, my face got hot and flushed and I experienced a white hot burst of panic. It only lasted a couple of minutes, but as it began to fade and my rational mind came back I thought, "Well, damn." It fit the bill for an EF. It was totally disproportionate to the situation, as the person who was talking is in no way dangerous, and I'm pretty sure I know what the origin is. What's more, I recognised the sensation. I realised I'd experienced it a lot of times before, only I hadn't been able to name it so I'd shrugged it off as another of those weird quirks.

I'm now pursuing a diagnosis so that I can get the treatment I need to get my life on track. While I do all that I'm going to hang around here. I don't know how much I'll post, but I'll be lurking and learning, at least while I sort this stuff out.