definitely feel a lot better and clearminded now.
yesterday was extremely scary, it'd been a while since I could sense myself feeling so small and under a scope. going through an interview for a job that i don't have too many experience in already felt off. there were moments of questioning where it was like my dad telling me "no you can't be an artist, you have to be good to be an artist" or them not supporting my interest in studying art. like a "who do you think you are?" but with this interview it was a "Who are you? What can you do for us?" and I felt so miserable scrambling to answer and defend myself and skills and working so hard to not be misunderstood.
the role was not fully what I expected and I wish I had questioned my friend more before the interview. it turned out to be some recruitment stuff and not actually office assistant role, and hearing the manager explain why they labeled it that way put me off. And put my T and zinnia off too when i told them.
something about having some clarity and distance from the interview makes me want to just reject it. I think I might if they offer it to me.
I could feel little one feeling like the world was falling apart and on fire and couldn't find an adult to help guide her out. that was the ef. even with hand soothing and self reassurance it was like she was screaming over me and couldn't hear it or believe it. maybe 17 too. i couldn't find myself at all, just walking through the apartment like a ghost wrought with grief and anxiety.
did a peaceful imagery meditation w T and that calmed me down a little. i was able to get to solid thinking about 45 min through the session and i felt like myself again, leadership-thinking for the little ones.
i don't want to feel like im overshooting or doubting myself again, but i think because the role and title was misleading, (as well as the company I'd work for which is the recruiting side and not the app developing side) i'm going to apply to traditional office associate roles. I'm going to still give myself more time to reflect and think about how if that was my reaction to questioning for combatability (and NOT self worth), then it might be a little over my head right now. and will be a good idea to work in an environment that is more straightforward. everyone was nice and respectful but it didn't change how much the manager reminded me of my dad. stoic yet "playful" and prodding to see the truth. but i don't know his story.
I think... if the role is offered, I will ask for 24 hours to decide, and then decline. I may tell my friend that I appreciate her letting me know about the role, but moving forward she doesn't need to reach out about her company and open positions anymore.
again somehow things will be OK. at least I still have the cashier job.
yesterday was extremely scary, it'd been a while since I could sense myself feeling so small and under a scope. going through an interview for a job that i don't have too many experience in already felt off. there were moments of questioning where it was like my dad telling me "no you can't be an artist, you have to be good to be an artist" or them not supporting my interest in studying art. like a "who do you think you are?" but with this interview it was a "Who are you? What can you do for us?" and I felt so miserable scrambling to answer and defend myself and skills and working so hard to not be misunderstood.
the role was not fully what I expected and I wish I had questioned my friend more before the interview. it turned out to be some recruitment stuff and not actually office assistant role, and hearing the manager explain why they labeled it that way put me off. And put my T and zinnia off too when i told them.
something about having some clarity and distance from the interview makes me want to just reject it. I think I might if they offer it to me.
I could feel little one feeling like the world was falling apart and on fire and couldn't find an adult to help guide her out. that was the ef. even with hand soothing and self reassurance it was like she was screaming over me and couldn't hear it or believe it. maybe 17 too. i couldn't find myself at all, just walking through the apartment like a ghost wrought with grief and anxiety.
did a peaceful imagery meditation w T and that calmed me down a little. i was able to get to solid thinking about 45 min through the session and i felt like myself again, leadership-thinking for the little ones.
i don't want to feel like im overshooting or doubting myself again, but i think because the role and title was misleading, (as well as the company I'd work for which is the recruiting side and not the app developing side) i'm going to apply to traditional office associate roles. I'm going to still give myself more time to reflect and think about how if that was my reaction to questioning for combatability (and NOT self worth), then it might be a little over my head right now. and will be a good idea to work in an environment that is more straightforward. everyone was nice and respectful but it didn't change how much the manager reminded me of my dad. stoic yet "playful" and prodding to see the truth. but i don't know his story.
I think... if the role is offered, I will ask for 24 hours to decide, and then decline. I may tell my friend that I appreciate her letting me know about the role, but moving forward she doesn't need to reach out about her company and open positions anymore.
again somehow things will be OK. at least I still have the cashier job.