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I put notes under the front door? Or something, anyway notes and the milkman asked my mother about them and I had to stand there between them. I think the notes were just, 'hello', I do not remember but I remember the shame of being found out and being the centre of attention as if I had done something wrong.

I hadn't thought about that for years.

Gromit

One thing I'm curious about:  How did your kids react to receiving the money?  I know when I was their age and got money from my grandparents at Christmastime, I almost depended on it like income.  They had always done that, though, unlike your situation being out of the blue.  And how much have you shared with your kids about your struggles and recovery?


Just wondering... you're the one who knows your family!
   -Cascade

She does actually send them money at birthdays and Christmas so they are aware. Never before at Easter. They read her notes in the cards, they know who she is from them.
My DD was pleased to have money, sent a thank you note, omitting to mention anything about visiting. My DS is away at Uni. Not sure what he thinks about it all.

G

A

Thanks for hearing me,
   -Cascade

I hear you.

I am angry too, yes, angry for being born to someone who was told not to have any more children. Why did she do that? And now she is trying to buy my children with gifts.
And every little thing is getting to me.

G

It sounds weird to say I am sorry your mother sent money to your children. But it is just the kind of dysregulating trick they love to pull out of the blue. I'd have been angry in your position.

I don't think anything is weird here. Outside in a world with people who are not dysfunctional, it may seem weird, but that is why I bring it here.

Whilst my husband feels sorry for my lonely mother, he thought she had some cheek doing it and says she made it sound as if we kept our children away from her.

Thanks for the suggestions, some house work or gardening might help or my son's weights, or a class. Old fashioned bottle banks used to be great for smashing glass in a good cause.
G

My NM made contact this week, sending money to my kids for Easter, for the first time ever. Kids are 21 and 18 years old.

I knew I was unsettled but didn't know how angry I was until the week wore on and I was feeling it all over as I discovered others peoples mistakes and misunderstandings at work. I didn't shift it until I was able to go to a class and have a day off from my part time office job.

Then I remembered how I was last year, I was scammed when I was at work and, aside from the fear I felt at being so foolish, I had this anger which came out in all the wrong directions, at people parking illegally etc. it felt the same inside.

I feel somewhat ashamed of being angry and frustrated in the wrong direction, although, I find it unbelievable the mistakes which get made out there in the real world. I cannot contact my NM, I have not been in contact with her since 2008. Plus, she would not understand she has so little awareness.

I saw my counsellor after the mail had been opened and told her all about it but the anger, whilst there, had not really taken hold of me at that point.

Has anyone any tips? I cannot always get to a class. Maybe screaming into a pillow but I can't get over myself to do that.
Obviously I feel pleased that I have recognised what is going on in me and anger is better than other things as long as it has a safe outlet.

G

For most of my adult life I believed there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I didn't think like other people, I wasn't able to handle disappointment and failure like other people. I was constantly afraid that those closest to me would eventually abandon me.

Yes, that is what it feels like. Luckily, I found the clues which led me here after 40 years not 60 and without a visit to any kind of hospital.

I also recommend Carolyn Spring and Pete Walker, of course.

G

https://www.consciouslife.com/conferences/hsc

Hormone super conference link

There is to be another conference led by Dr Anu Arasu in the future. I managed to catch her talk and others on the free replay.

Thank you Blueberry for drawing my attention to it.

G

I've just watched a dialog on "How trauma affects your Hormones" by Dr. Anu Arasu, a freebie for those who register today, for Trauma Super Conference https://www.consciouslife.com/conferences/tsc-4 The conference is starting today and it is FREE and there is going to be more on hormones and trauma. It's not directly and solely about menopause but I found it helpful nonetheless - more food for thought.

Registered, thank you
G

[YES]

Hi Gromet,

Menopause came "early" for me so I've been post menopausal for 29 shocking years. I recently was required to stop my Hormone Replacement Therapy after all that time. When people say "hard stop" I now know what it means.

I am going to weigh in on YES menopause effects PTSD in several ways. A lot of us have somatic issues, fibromyalgia, anxiety, sleep, depression. And while the absence or reduction of our hormones is not a SIMPLE Cause A to Cause B effect, science has shown all systems are intricately interwoven. I won't put a lot of links in here, but if you want, I can find whatever you need. The point is, like that old silly song about the knee bone connecting to the thigh bone, the subtle and not so subtle ways are multi-facted and inescapable. I don't mean to sound dire, but I do mean that there's no one fix answer for any of us.

We have to first be aware of our own bodies, and then be willing to try different things to see the results.

In the 2 months I've been "experimenting", I've found a bit of pain relief with Quercetin and Turmeric. Let me explain. It hurts to lay my head on a pillow. My ears scream in pain. My entire scalp hurts, whether pressure is on it or not. Since starting these two things, I am able to sleep more soundly, My scalp and ears do not hurt as much. Maybe 60% less. That's enough for me.

I have been taking Turmeric for years after hearing about the inflammatory effects of trauma and I take quercetin for allergies.

Thanks for your comments.

G

But I do think my hormones have always triggered my cptsd. So I know it's had an impact.

It is probably under studied, as it often is, how women's fluctuating hormones affect their experience, of illness, medication, etc

G

My experience is that the hormonal fluctuations exacerbate any issues that were already there. Or you start noticing things that maybe you were able to ignore before.

Yes, from what I see online from women in this age group, I got that impression.

Thank you,

G

Thanks Blueberry, I believe menopause technically means you haven't had a period for 12 months.

I get hot flashes sometimes due to anxiety/shame but, as with brain fog, I have had that happen all my life.

I await more responses.

g

The topic is not entirely accurate. As I am 51 I seem to see more and more information around me about menopause and peri-menopause.

For example, I saw a GP for a reissue of my anti-depressants some 7 years ago. I mentioned brain fog and the female GP said I must be menopausal, as I was the same age as she was, and she was menopausal.

7 years later, I still have a regular cycle and no signs of menopause or peri-menopause, but I do have anxiety, depression associated with CPTSD. I also see women my age, on line, mentioning anxiety, feelings of impending doom, brain fog, as symptoms of peri-menopause. These are every day occurrences for me, and have been for as long as I can remember.

What I would really like is for somebody here, who may have experienced menopause as well as CPTSD to tell me if the menopause is like CPTSD, or if I am mixing the two up as, at my age, I am likely to be experiencing the lead up to menopause.

G

I have had little contact with my parents since around 2008 so about as long but not as final as yours, my parents still know where I am. I have some kind of relationship with my sister. I even have some contact with extended family.

I was around your age when I began to split, then my partner (who did not understand) convinced me to keep giving them chances until I was 36. I do not believe I have lost that yearning for a mother figure, or a parent of some kind but as I get older people ask less questions about parents and family.

You are brave and strong to talk about these things, to not cover them up, it is hard, especially with a child, having a child reminds me of things which I had forgotten.

Thank you for posting.
G