Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by blue_sky - Today at 01:12:39 AMQuote from: Chart on January 13, 2026, 08:28:36 PM"THIS SH*T ENDS HERE! THERE WILL BE NO MORE ABANDONMENT TRAUMA IN THIS %#!&-ing family... I gave simple solid honest value to my daughter, both my kids... My dear good children: I see you, I recognize your difficulties. You are valid, you are worthy and though it needs no proof, the love I feel for you makes it all true."
Chart I have told you this during our zoom calls as well. Your kids are super lucky to have a superDAD like you! People always talk about superMOMs and compare mums to wonderwoman. You, Chart, my friend, are a HERO.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Blue Sky Blooming
Last post by blue_sky - Today at 01:01:49 AMIt seems like Blue Sky bloomed once in March 2025 and then wilted away. I am so horrible with journaling when things are not too bad or when things have actually been good.
2025 was so much better. My international holiday in 2025 was to Canada. I can proudly say I've stepped foot in 3 continents now
Work is alright. I definitely should be looking for jobs that are more inclined towards psychology than just stay with asbestos in my comfort zone. But haven't done that yet.
Study was good. Although I have another "pass" in my report (2 pass so far, rest have been credit or distinction).
I think this is my parents' voice though. That pass is just not good enough, that pass is unacceptable.
Although I do require a minimum average mark in order to get to the 4th year Honours Degree.
End of 2025 was productive. Hosted Christmas lunch for 22 people, painted couple of walls in the house.
Lots of EMDR work with little blue and teenage blue.
There were some hard days. It wasn't all rainbows and bright blue skies. In fact, just this morning I had a massive anxiety attack on my way to work.
No reasons, no explanations, no triggers (well I haven't figured any of these so far), just a lot of tears and emotions.
I had to pull up at a servo and grab some maccas to binge eat. (Petrol Station and McDonalds for my non-aussies, also flexing my Aussie slangs lol)
I had 2 cups of coffee and 2 breakfasts before 8.30 and 1 x 500ml energy drink before midday.
I just want to remind my own self that it's okay. I don't believe it right now. In fact I feel extremely guilty and angry for binge eating and pulling over and calling in sick yesterday and napping whole day being unproductive and for being a stupid, crying *curse word* for no reason.
But it's okay. It's okay to not believe it right now as well.
Hug to self
2025 was so much better. My international holiday in 2025 was to Canada. I can proudly say I've stepped foot in 3 continents now
Work is alright. I definitely should be looking for jobs that are more inclined towards psychology than just stay with asbestos in my comfort zone. But haven't done that yet.
Study was good. Although I have another "pass" in my report (2 pass so far, rest have been credit or distinction).
I think this is my parents' voice though. That pass is just not good enough, that pass is unacceptable.
Although I do require a minimum average mark in order to get to the 4th year Honours Degree.
End of 2025 was productive. Hosted Christmas lunch for 22 people, painted couple of walls in the house.
Lots of EMDR work with little blue and teenage blue.
There were some hard days. It wasn't all rainbows and bright blue skies. In fact, just this morning I had a massive anxiety attack on my way to work.
No reasons, no explanations, no triggers (well I haven't figured any of these so far), just a lot of tears and emotions.
I had to pull up at a servo and grab some maccas to binge eat. (Petrol Station and McDonalds for my non-aussies, also flexing my Aussie slangs lol)
I had 2 cups of coffee and 2 breakfasts before 8.30 and 1 x 500ml energy drink before midday.
I just want to remind my own self that it's okay. I don't believe it right now. In fact I feel extremely guilty and angry for binge eating and pulling over and calling in sick yesterday and napping whole day being unproductive and for being a stupid, crying *curse word* for no reason.
But it's okay. It's okay to not believe it right now as well.
Hug to self
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: Dalloway´s Recovery Journa...
Last post by Marcine - January 14, 2026, 08:46:14 PMDalloway, I am saddened to hear you are struggling and I wish I could lift your burden, my friend...
I commiserate with the Sisyphean task of trying to make sense of nonsense and illogical pain.
I turn to nature for solace and lessons. You mention waterlillies floating on the surface. They do float, and they have very strong roots. And they bloom when it's time. "No mud, no lotus."
Are you familiar with the book "Letters to a Young Poet" by Rainier Maria Rilke? Written in the early 1900's, Rilke encourages the young poet to look inward, to trust his own guidance, and to love the questions. In the most beautiful and eloquent prose... you might enjoy it, Dalloway.
I send affection and the knowledge that you are not alone.
I commiserate with the Sisyphean task of trying to make sense of nonsense and illogical pain.
I turn to nature for solace and lessons. You mention waterlillies floating on the surface. They do float, and they have very strong roots. And they bloom when it's time. "No mud, no lotus."
Are you familiar with the book "Letters to a Young Poet" by Rainier Maria Rilke? Written in the early 1900's, Rilke encourages the young poet to look inward, to trust his own guidance, and to love the questions. In the most beautiful and eloquent prose... you might enjoy it, Dalloway.
I send affection and the knowledge that you are not alone.
#4
Symptoms - Other / Re: Schrodingers jealousy
Last post by Bach - January 14, 2026, 08:20:20 PM"Schroedingers jealousy", what a perfect metaphor. I can't think of a specific instance right away, but thinking about it I am swamped with a sense of YES, THAT, it happened to me all the time! Like how as a child I believed that it was the ultimate birthday celebration to go to a fancy restaurant and a Broadway play.
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Dalloway´s Recovery Journa...
Last post by Dalloway - January 14, 2026, 08:06:09 PMI´m thinking about the heartbreakingly beautiful Beatles song, The long and winding road and I picture myself walking on that road, but then I remember that it´s not even my road that I paved with my decisions and acts. It was made for me by unfortunate forces that forced me to walk that road. I didn´t get to say if I wanted that. Nor did I get to grow up to be a person I could be. Instead, I grew up to be an entity, not even a person, because a person, in my opinion, has its own traits.
It´s a recovery journal, but I don´t think I am recovering. Maybe I shouldn´t write in this section, it feels hypocritical of me to think about this as a part of my healing journey. Which journey? That I´ve been doing so far from the perspective of someone who was constructed to be me? Because the person I had a potential to be is sure not the one that is suffering through her days, trying to make sense of things that simply don´t make any sense.
Building something in top of sand is very hard work. And not just that, it´s absolutely meaningless. You can try million times and return to the very same spot you started from. You walk the road that´s been paved for many decades. The long, winding road. Only it´s not YOUR road, it´s someone else´s. But changing the whole paradigm of your existence is not easy, especially if you don´t have any new paradigms that would do. You don´t want to start building a sandcastle again.
So I´m just waiting and waiting. Trying to find meaning in this chaos and trying to wish for the things to finally settle, because at this moment they are just floating on the surface of my consciousness like waterlilies. And I´m not able to do anything more than watching it hypnotized and numb. The world is deconstructed and I can´t decide whether it´s something new or if it was just like this before, only my eyes were closed. I will have to wait patiently to find out.
It´s a recovery journal, but I don´t think I am recovering. Maybe I shouldn´t write in this section, it feels hypocritical of me to think about this as a part of my healing journey. Which journey? That I´ve been doing so far from the perspective of someone who was constructed to be me? Because the person I had a potential to be is sure not the one that is suffering through her days, trying to make sense of things that simply don´t make any sense.
Building something in top of sand is very hard work. And not just that, it´s absolutely meaningless. You can try million times and return to the very same spot you started from. You walk the road that´s been paved for many decades. The long, winding road. Only it´s not YOUR road, it´s someone else´s. But changing the whole paradigm of your existence is not easy, especially if you don´t have any new paradigms that would do. You don´t want to start building a sandcastle again.
So I´m just waiting and waiting. Trying to find meaning in this chaos and trying to wish for the things to finally settle, because at this moment they are just floating on the surface of my consciousness like waterlilies. And I´m not able to do anything more than watching it hypnotized and numb. The world is deconstructed and I can´t decide whether it´s something new or if it was just like this before, only my eyes were closed. I will have to wait patiently to find out.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 14, 2026, 07:41:50 PMThat sounds very encouraging, DF, and I hope the appointment goes well.
to NK, Donald Winnicott's "good-enough parent" and Peter Walker's "good-enough therapist" (paraphrasing latter: healing does not require a perfect therapist, what matters is basic reliability, emotional attunement, and non-abandonment).
Quote from: NarcKiddo on January 14, 2026, 03:58:59 PM... perfect help might be hard to come by, but good enough help could be achievable.
to NK, Donald Winnicott's "good-enough parent" and Peter Walker's "good-enough therapist" (paraphrasing latter: healing does not require a perfect therapist, what matters is basic reliability, emotional attunement, and non-abandonment). #8
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Desert Flower - January 14, 2026, 07:21:24 PM
and
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 14, 2026, 07:19:13 PM 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by Desert Flower - January 14, 2026, 07:11:19 PMYes, what the rest said Chart! Beautiful indeed.