Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by Chart - Today at 02:56:59 PMQuote from: dollyvee on Today at 09:24:01 AMIt was always the struggle (or fear because I never know what is coming) that was familiar and without it, who would I be?Indeed, without the Fear, who would I be? Like digging a hole in the sand just where the waves roll up the beach. Every spade I take out comes rushing closed with the next wave. I've seen my Fear clearly for decades now. Many have told me, let go. But each time I try to drop the script of my past, the story seems to stay the same. It takes insane stillness to hear the change in silence. It is so very hard to let go of nothing.
But I shan't stop trying. Thankyou DV, for your thoughts and well-wishes.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 02:50:51 PMHello HannahOne, a belated welcome to you to the forum and it sure sounds you came to the right place. I'm very sad for you having had these experiences and feeling the way you do now as a result. And it makes so much sense to me. Most everything you wrote resonates with me so much it's unbelievable. Me, I have 'known' I have CPTSD for a while now but still part of me wants to forget that and reading your story is extremely valididating to me too, so I want to thank you for sharing. Yes, these are normal responses to a terrible upbringing.
Including what you wrote about your wardrobe, I have similiar 'interesting' features and feelings surrounding that, repeating patterns I know so well and that were useful/necessary before and other parts not wanting to do do that anymore. Stuff I used to wear for years, wanting to hide myself in them. And a tiny part of me not wanting to be so 'modest' at all! Stuff I still wear because I know my mother would have approved of them (if not of me) and even still I'm wearing her clothes too.
And I also do something similar to your counting things. I make lists in my head of houses I lived in, cars I owned, places I visited for holidays etc. And I really want to finish these lists in my head as well. It seems to be some coping mechanism, I'm thinking it's OCD-ish (for me that is). I recently discovered this and now, whenever I catch myself, I try telling myself I'm safe instead. (Not to be taken as advice, only sharing what it's like for me.)
Hope I'm not crowding your journal, please let me know if I am. I hope I'm not trespassing. It all just resonated to much I wanted to share.
I'm sending best wishes for you and a hug if that's okay.
Including what you wrote about your wardrobe, I have similiar 'interesting' features and feelings surrounding that, repeating patterns I know so well and that were useful/necessary before and other parts not wanting to do do that anymore. Stuff I used to wear for years, wanting to hide myself in them. And a tiny part of me not wanting to be so 'modest' at all! Stuff I still wear because I know my mother would have approved of them (if not of me) and even still I'm wearing her clothes too.
And I also do something similar to your counting things. I make lists in my head of houses I lived in, cars I owned, places I visited for holidays etc. And I really want to finish these lists in my head as well. It seems to be some coping mechanism, I'm thinking it's OCD-ish (for me that is). I recently discovered this and now, whenever I catch myself, I try telling myself I'm safe instead. (Not to be taken as advice, only sharing what it's like for me.)
Hope I'm not crowding your journal, please let me know if I am. I hope I'm not trespassing. It all just resonated to much I wanted to share.
I'm sending best wishes for you and a hug if that's okay.
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:50:24 PMi'm in! happy new year! love and hugs 
#4
Inner Child Work / This is new
Last post by Ran - Today at 01:57:38 PMHey,
It's been a bit, but one ways that has been helping me is working with my inner child.
Firstly I started doing the vitamin breaks, what are like time of day, where I take a fruit/vedgetable break. I cut them up and put on a plate for my inner child to enjoy. It helps me be more disciplined and create a healtier routine, because I have a responsibility infront of my inner child.
Another thing. Lately there us a guy in my life. He knows about my inner child and cptsd. He is very kind and supportive. He kinda became the father figure. Not in a freaky way or anything like that. Mostly he's been trying to get my inner child out more. Make me play and have fun and smile. We even wondered if we have been good parents. It's kinda sweet.
I don't think my inner child minds his presence. She quite likes it. I do feel supported.
It's all very healing. I feel apprehensive though about the future. It's all just a new territory for me. I don't know much about inner children and that is a topic where I need to research more.
I can't get to therapy now. I am in waitlist, but it's a 2 year long waitlist.
It's been a bit, but one ways that has been helping me is working with my inner child.
Firstly I started doing the vitamin breaks, what are like time of day, where I take a fruit/vedgetable break. I cut them up and put on a plate for my inner child to enjoy. It helps me be more disciplined and create a healtier routine, because I have a responsibility infront of my inner child.
Another thing. Lately there us a guy in my life. He knows about my inner child and cptsd. He is very kind and supportive. He kinda became the father figure. Not in a freaky way or anything like that. Mostly he's been trying to get my inner child out more. Make me play and have fun and smile. We even wondered if we have been good parents. It's kinda sweet.
I don't think my inner child minds his presence. She quite likes it. I do feel supported.
It's all very healing. I feel apprehensive though about the future. It's all just a new territory for me. I don't know much about inner children and that is a topic where I need to research more.
I can't get to therapy now. I am in waitlist, but it's a 2 year long waitlist.
#5
General Discussion / Re: What does "spiralling" mea...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 01:01:47 PMIt probably means slightly different things to different people. I'm not sure that it is an "official" term for anything. For me it evokes that horrible feeling of not being able to get away from something or control it. Just going round and round and round, faster and faster, not making progress, not able to concentrate on anything else, not able to think logically about how to stop whatever it is that needs stopped or do whatever it is that needs done. Catastrophizing is a big part of that feeling for me.
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 12:54:16 PMI really enjoyed the tour through your wardrobe. Thank you! I have a complicated relationship with clothing for many reasons so it was really interesting to read your comments.
I have found art to be astonishingly therapeutic, so I hope you find a way to fully harness that aspect of it for yourself. I'm glad you have the painting table set up and plan to pursue painting with a friend.
It was great to read that you had such a good appointment with the doctor and that things are going in the right direction.
I have found art to be astonishingly therapeutic, so I hope you find a way to fully harness that aspect of it for yourself. I'm glad you have the painting table set up and plan to pursue painting with a friend.
It was great to read that you had such a good appointment with the doctor and that things are going in the right direction.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 12:39:20 PMHey San, just wanted to send you another big hug, in case you're not feeling so well. I'm thinking of you. I hope you can take it easy. Best wishes too.
#8
General Discussion / Re: (A lot) Truer than "I" tho...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 12:37:45 PMI had been meaning to respond to your comments, but didn't get round to it.
@San, it's very interesting my post made you feel different about (your) parts. And thank you for your kind words.
@Marcine, thank you to for your words as a mother, those were special to me too.
@Saluki, we've got an awful lot in common apparently. I'm sorry you had to go through so many of these things yourself. Thank you for understanding.
All of you, thank you for being here and sharing.
@San, it's very interesting my post made you feel different about (your) parts. And thank you for your kind words.
@Marcine, thank you to for your words as a mother, those were special to me too.
@Saluki, we've got an awful lot in common apparently. I'm sorry you had to go through so many of these things yourself. Thank you for understanding.
All of you, thank you for being here and sharing.
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 09:24:01 AMQuote from: Chart on December 31, 2025, 05:54:57 PMI actually don't go to doctors, except for my kids. I don't like to recognize that I am weak or broken or need anything.
I've come across it before in reading, and again recently in some Jay Reid videos, that trauma survivors are so used to things being difficult that that's what's expected. Actually, I think it was probably my EMDR t or my second t who also said, life is already so difficult, why make it harder? Again, I guess it crops up in prediction error ie we think we're going to be living in the same stressful environment over and over, so we have to be primed and "ready," but why not take the easy road? Why not try and get surgery for the hernia, or the shoulder? I think that I felt like this for a long time, and definitely still do subconsciously with some things, and that if I didn't have the fight, or the struggle then what did I have? It was always the struggle (or fear because I never know what is coming) that was familiar and without it, who would I be?
I hope all the best for your outer and inner family in 2026
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Chart - Today at 09:10:44 AMAbsolutely beautiful post, HannahOne, thank you so much for sharing and inspiring. And I'm impressed (and jealous? :-) of your wonderfully structured writing!