Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - Today at 01:31:59 PM11/10/25
I've noticed that I'm more comfortable with the silence that exists in my experience now. I still miss the physical presence of those that have moved on to their next adventure. I'm getting better at being acquainted with myself. Still working on being my own best friend. That's coming along pretty good as well.
I'd like to have friends in IRL and at the same time ... I wonder if the trade off is worth it. I mean the threat vectors that exist .. Sheesh. I mean, hanging with friends, having a good time, and if the language gets loose as it were, someone not even associated with the group could become "offended" because of their ideology, record video, edit to "prove" their point, and post it. And I'm smoked because of my gender. And the same folks that do this crap also are wondering where all the 'good' folks of my gender went to. To counteract that I need to get a body cam and record every interaction? Judas. What ever happened to the innocent till proven guilty? Now it's I'm guilty until I can prove that I'm innocent. Thing is, even if the legal aspects are handled, the reputational damage happens.
Have to get back after it. Day job.
Wishing all here all the best
I've noticed that I'm more comfortable with the silence that exists in my experience now. I still miss the physical presence of those that have moved on to their next adventure. I'm getting better at being acquainted with myself. Still working on being my own best friend. That's coming along pretty good as well.
I'd like to have friends in IRL and at the same time ... I wonder if the trade off is worth it. I mean the threat vectors that exist .. Sheesh. I mean, hanging with friends, having a good time, and if the language gets loose as it were, someone not even associated with the group could become "offended" because of their ideology, record video, edit to "prove" their point, and post it. And I'm smoked because of my gender. And the same folks that do this crap also are wondering where all the 'good' folks of my gender went to. To counteract that I need to get a body cam and record every interaction? Judas. What ever happened to the innocent till proven guilty? Now it's I'm guilty until I can prove that I'm innocent. Thing is, even if the legal aspects are handled, the reputational damage happens.
Have to get back after it. Day job.
Wishing all here all the best
#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: I'm new here and happy to ...
Last post by Kizzie - November 09, 2025, 05:26:58 PMHi EB and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm 
It sounds like you doing well in recovery and managed to find a great therapist - bravo! I hope being here, sharing with other members and reading their posts will help you feel you have peers who 'get it'. That's such a good feeling IMO given so many of us feel we are outsiders or are different from everyone else. Plus, it helps I find to understand we were injured at the hands of someone else versus that we are disordered or broken in some way.
You're not alone with your CPTSD here
It sounds like you doing well in recovery and managed to find a great therapist - bravo! I hope being here, sharing with other members and reading their posts will help you feel you have peers who 'get it'. That's such a good feeling IMO given so many of us feel we are outsiders or are different from everyone else. Plus, it helps I find to understand we were injured at the hands of someone else versus that we are disordered or broken in some way.
You're not alone with your CPTSD here
#3
Physical Issues / Re: Scarlet fever/Tonsillitis ...
Last post by Kizzie - November 09, 2025, 05:13:56 PMGet some more rest and feel better soon BB! 
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - November 09, 2025, 04:00:34 PMHi San
I get it. I do. I didn't grow up with the tech of today. IRL is my jam! I believe that it's about intent. Not the knee jerk reaction to this notification or whatnot. If I intend to access this forum to post something, to me that is night and day difference than having something running on a mobile that I'm "supposed" to put my attention on whenever it pops off with a notification. To me that is a difference between me, having agency to do or not do, while all these { insert a cuss word here } apps have the engineered assumption that I will just respond to them. Is almost like being trained like pavlov's dogs. Something that I am NOT ok with.
Had a good day with my daughter yesterday. Hung out, ate, went to a craft show, did some window shopping, had really good conversation. She also is a IRL is my jam person. Loves solo camping. In many ways she's as befuddled as I am in regards to not only the push of every single aspect of human life being posted online, but also with the ... victim olympics / infantile behavior shown by a lot of folks as their baseline. We agreed that there is something bad wrong. personally, what I am perceiving is a lot of the same behaviors that the former spouse engaged in. Darvo, gaslighting, always the victim even though it was self-inflicted, or variations of the top 100 from outofthefog.website And I'm wondering what in the { cuss word } is going on. Perhaps I've over correcting? Perhaps I'm actually "seeing" the reality that exists? No lie, after 25 years of PD abuse, I still have doubts about my own perceptions, my own "take" on things. If my perceptions are correct...
I don't know what action(s) I can do to solve for freedom yet. Yeah, I'm thinking that Modernity isn't everything that it's cracked up to be. That the marketing hid some very very bad truths that are just now starting to show. I do understand now the reasoning behind why some folks would remove themselves from the larger social groups, out of sheer self preservation.
I'll get it sorted. I guess I'm chasing peace rather than whatever this jacked up mess is.
Wishing all here, all the best
I get it. I do. I didn't grow up with the tech of today. IRL is my jam! I believe that it's about intent. Not the knee jerk reaction to this notification or whatnot. If I intend to access this forum to post something, to me that is night and day difference than having something running on a mobile that I'm "supposed" to put my attention on whenever it pops off with a notification. To me that is a difference between me, having agency to do or not do, while all these { insert a cuss word here } apps have the engineered assumption that I will just respond to them. Is almost like being trained like pavlov's dogs. Something that I am NOT ok with.
Had a good day with my daughter yesterday. Hung out, ate, went to a craft show, did some window shopping, had really good conversation. She also is a IRL is my jam person. Loves solo camping. In many ways she's as befuddled as I am in regards to not only the push of every single aspect of human life being posted online, but also with the ... victim olympics / infantile behavior shown by a lot of folks as their baseline. We agreed that there is something bad wrong. personally, what I am perceiving is a lot of the same behaviors that the former spouse engaged in. Darvo, gaslighting, always the victim even though it was self-inflicted, or variations of the top 100 from outofthefog.website And I'm wondering what in the { cuss word } is going on. Perhaps I've over correcting? Perhaps I'm actually "seeing" the reality that exists? No lie, after 25 years of PD abuse, I still have doubts about my own perceptions, my own "take" on things. If my perceptions are correct...
I don't know what action(s) I can do to solve for freedom yet. Yeah, I'm thinking that Modernity isn't everything that it's cracked up to be. That the marketing hid some very very bad truths that are just now starting to show. I do understand now the reasoning behind why some folks would remove themselves from the larger social groups, out of sheer self preservation. I'll get it sorted. I guess I'm chasing peace rather than whatever this jacked up mess is.
Wishing all here, all the best
#5
Other / Re: Our Healing Porch Part 8
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 09, 2025, 02:10:38 PMso happy to see you here, chart. enjoy, enjoy!
that fire sounds wonderful, and we had our first snow today, so that's always fun to see, and your cozy fire makes it all the more delicious. hot chocolate at the ready, and fresh snickerdoodles - sugar and carb free! i'm gonna relax and enjoy my book - am reading steven king's 'dark tower' series, book 1 - the gunslinger. not really horror, more of a 'firefly' feel, it's a little bit here but a little bit magic, too. a good blend and i'm looking forward to reading all 7 books of the series. so, yeah, rest and relax in my rocking chair, smelling the logs burning, hearing them crackle. relaxing.
that fire sounds wonderful, and we had our first snow today, so that's always fun to see, and your cozy fire makes it all the more delicious. hot chocolate at the ready, and fresh snickerdoodles - sugar and carb free! i'm gonna relax and enjoy my book - am reading steven king's 'dark tower' series, book 1 - the gunslinger. not really horror, more of a 'firefly' feel, it's a little bit here but a little bit magic, too. a good blend and i'm looking forward to reading all 7 books of the series. so, yeah, rest and relax in my rocking chair, smelling the logs burning, hearing them crackle. relaxing.
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 09, 2025, 02:02:00 PM'go along to get along' is what came up for me about your chiropractor visits, SH. go along to the chiro, so to speak.
it's amazing to me how this whole tech thing has taken over peoples' lives. i do know i'd have a hard time w/o my computer now, but i didn't grow up w/ one, didn't own one till i went back to college in my 40's, and when i've been on vacation, i don't miss it too much. i could re-accommodate myself w/o if i had to, except for this forum. i do have the old flip-phone, and find it just fine - i don't really need more. i still prefer phone calls to texts - call me old-fashioned, but i like hearing a person's voice, hear their personality coming thru, hear the nuances of voice tone and expression. i am a people person after all.
give me a forest, a garden, weather - we had our first snow today! - a few good people in my life and i'm pretty much ok. keep taking care of you. love and hugs
it's amazing to me how this whole tech thing has taken over peoples' lives. i do know i'd have a hard time w/o my computer now, but i didn't grow up w/ one, didn't own one till i went back to college in my 40's, and when i've been on vacation, i don't miss it too much. i could re-accommodate myself w/o if i had to, except for this forum. i do have the old flip-phone, and find it just fine - i don't really need more. i still prefer phone calls to texts - call me old-fashioned, but i like hearing a person's voice, hear their personality coming thru, hear the nuances of voice tone and expression. i am a people person after all.
give me a forest, a garden, weather - we had our first snow today! - a few good people in my life and i'm pretty much ok. keep taking care of you. love and hugs
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 09, 2025, 01:49:35 PMSO, i love that the fight is still there! as long as we have that, i believe we'll be ok. well done on the wine stranger at the door. very brave, very adult. keep going, ok? i think you're doing really well. and hope your alone trip is helpful, encouraging, restful, and challenging. love and hugs
#8
Physical Issues / Re: Conversion disorder
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 09, 2025, 01:21:49 PMi know this is an old topic, but for some reason i read it and can now relate to it. losing my legs, as i've posted about many times in the past, sounds like it fits this - something i didn't know had its own name. so many times while in mexico, and when i moved back to the states, i would suddenly lose the ability to use my legs well. it was like they stopped working properly, and i could only move very, very slowly. this happened countless times - it would come on unexpectedly, stay however long, then one day i'd be able to walk normally again.
i'm now convinced this was related to unexpressed anger. possibly other unexpressed emotions as well. i just talked to my D the other day, actually, about the fact that i haven't 'lost my legs' in quite a while, and can link that to being able to be more in touch w/ my emotions, especially anger. so, conversion disorder, huh? well, i'll be. you learn something new every day. thanks for posting about this.
i'm now convinced this was related to unexpressed anger. possibly other unexpressed emotions as well. i just talked to my D the other day, actually, about the fact that i haven't 'lost my legs' in quite a while, and can link that to being able to be more in touch w/ my emotions, especially anger. so, conversion disorder, huh? well, i'll be. you learn something new every day. thanks for posting about this.
#9
Physical Issues / Re: Scarlet fever/Tonsillitis ...
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 09, 2025, 01:10:06 PMdear blueberry, i do hope you feel better soon, whatever the reason behind it. i sometimes get these symptoms with stress flu, including going from shivering cold to way too hot/feverish. and feeling miserable underneath it all. resting is the only thing that clears this up for me, but it's a sign to me that i've done too much, or gotten over-stressed myself for whatever reason. it's horrible. sending hot liquids, cool liquids, whatever you have a taste for, if anything. i just hope it isn't something worse. love and hugs,
#10
Physical Issues / Re: Scarlet fever/Tonsillitis ...
Last post by NarcKiddo - November 09, 2025, 12:46:17 PMWhatever the cause of this, I really hope you feel better soon. Thanks also for mentioning it. I have certainly had occasions where I have gone to bed feeling utterly cold for no reason. Sometimes it turns into flu but quite frequently it vanishes as suddenly as it came on. I have always put that down to hormonal fluctuations, but of course my state of mind could well be driving the hormones. I'm going to start paying more attention.