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#1

The Cafe / Re: Favourite Quotes - Part 3

Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 04:10:18 PM

"The meaning of an ordeal, is the qualities of strength and character that you are forced to develop to meet and move through that ordeal, which you would never acquire and develop otherwise."

Bruce Ecker

#2

Recovery Journals / Re: I Am

Last post by Bach - Today at 04:06:53 PM

Life feels absolutely unbearable today. I feel worthless and miserable, an irredeemable screwup. I'm so tired of being me. Last night I went to sleep sincerely hoping that I would not wake up this morning. Though I knew I would, of course, and of course I did, too early and insufficiently rested.  It took me ages to get out of bed, but eventually I did.  Now I want to take mass quantities of klonopin and go back to bed, sleep for a week like I did after 9/11/01, but even if that was an option, it wouldn't be an answer, and even if it was an answer, it wouldn't be an option.  There's no escape from myself.

Have to stop whining and do some work. 

#3

Eating Issues / Re: too many issues with food

Last post by dollyvee - Today at 09:59:04 AM

There's something incredibly demoralizing about finally getting answers after 16 years only to find out that we've been right all along, that our disordered eating, our asthma, our skin problems, our inability to lose weight, our severe environmental allergies, our personality shift between 3rd and 5th grade.. could have all been avoided? Or at least, softened? Not only our FOO, but our peers, teachers, extended family, friends and their families, the rare doctor.. they were all so mean!

I read your post a while back and was too busy to comment, but wanted to come back to it and say congrats that you have found some answers and relief. It is a hard thing to deal with when people tell you that it's all in your head because it's something they themselves have never had to deal with, or understand. I guess for myself, I think I was tested at such a young age that I don't have a lot of memories of being sick, or what it was like to go through that, but I'm sure they are definitely buried in there somewhere. Though I do remember that I was sick, I guess it just felt like it was my fault. I was told/blamed that I was a "picky eater" and know that some of the things I didn't want to eat are things that I am reacting to now. I have heard that people have had good results on xolair, and I hope you're able to find some relief with that.

I had a "cheat" meal the other day probably because I was tired of the limited eating, and probably partly because I have been feeling so good that I wanted to see if these things were all in my head. The next day, I felt absolutely awful, like I was hung over all day, didn't want to move, and always seemed like I was on the edge of a headache (thanks tomatoes). It's pretty incredible that up until June, I've been eating this once a week. No wonder my body was always inflamed and unable to lose weight. Trying to explain why you're tired (because you ate a food) is also difficult I think for most people to understand, and the onus comes on me to keep everything together, which is also really difficult. These are the genetics I was born with and I have to manage them the best I can, and once I do that, it does help me start feeling better and a step away from all the what ifs and past behaviour of other people (and into the new/same old gas lighting of other doctors).

Sending you support and hope you feel better soon,
dolly

#4

Physical Issues / Re: Scarlet fever/Tonsillitis ...

Last post by dollyvee - Today at 09:35:47 AM

Whatever the cause of this, I really hope you feel better soon. Thanks also for mentioning it. I have certainly had occasions where I have gone to bed feeling utterly cold for no reason. Sometimes it turns into flu but quite frequently it vanishes as suddenly as it came on. I have always put that down to hormonal fluctuations, but of course my state of mind could well be driving the hormones. I'm going to start paying more attention.

NK, I'm learning that one can have "histamine dumps" at night and that histamine is a body temperature regulator. In addition to hormones, it might be beneficial to look at foods you've eaten before bed, or throughout the day and whether or not they're high in histamine. Right now, I have "tried out" decreasing my mast cell/anti-histamines to once a day, and like clockwork, I'm having itchiness/skin issues show up almost every night around 8/9pm. I'm also having it in the morning as well, which is somewhat new.

#5

Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: Three Good Things Today - ...

Last post by Blueberry - November 10, 2025, 07:32:51 PM

1) Decided it's time I got back on (some sort of) track and followed through

2) I cooked a fairly healthy meal, using up various bits of veg while I was about it

3) I have done some tidying - all of the: a bit here and a bit there variety

4) Finally had a shower and hairwash - in fact first big thing I did after deciding it's time I got back on track

5) I've done a little spot-cleaning, also of the: a bit here and a bit there variety.

6) I feel better having done a little tidying and cleaning. I especially feel better when I'm in the kitchen

#6

Therapy / Re: Therapy directly on a core...

Last post by LadyBoar - November 10, 2025, 06:09:27 PM

Hey Blueberry! I'm new here and just checked your thread.
One thing I can say is that I relate to the hitting the same nail in therapy again and again And I also had quite a few dissociative episodes in my life.

To me it always seems I am looking at the same thing but from another angle, if that makes sense.
Like looking at a cube but from different angles seeing different sides of it. Now make the cube a shape that has hundreds of sides that can only be seen in different angles.
Once I think I figure it out, I'm back at it again trying to understand what I'm truly looking at, I believe it will take time to get the full picture.

#7

Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head

Last post by LadyBoar - November 10, 2025, 05:56:15 PM

I am really sorry about the loss of your cat. Also side note--I am envious you live in a different country from your family of origin, I would love that!

Thank you, wooboy. She was the most cheeky cat ever and I miss her a lot. But I have many good memories with her <3

Moving away was the second best decision of my life (first being marrying my husband), I was very fortunate and thankful for the opportunity!
And yet, even from far away my family still impacts negatively... But I'm working in establishing proper boundaries.
And thank you for you message wooboy! Nice to meet you.

#8

Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...

Last post by NarcKiddo - November 10, 2025, 05:03:40 PM

I've been catching up with your journal. Sorry about the freezer debacle. That sucks.

I was interested to read about your consideration of what to do with the dog mementoes. Like you, I have photos and memories and feelings of mine. In fact, my husband and I talk about them or refer to them every single day. I kid you not. It's not a maudlin, how much we miss them sort of a way, but more like the attitude to life they had and how much we could learn from it. One was a cheeky little chap up for adventure any time and the other was very staid and particular, demanding that every single day be the same as the day before. Both attitudes have their up and down sides. Everyone's different but despite how they are still very much alive to me there are certain things of theirs I simply cannot part with. Their leads and harnesses hang in their places to this day, some 6 years since they went on ahead. I don't really notice them there any more but I certainly would notice their absence. Anyway, I'm banging on way too much in your journal now.

I'd like to have friends in IRL and at the same time ... I wonder if the trade off is worth it.

This really resonated. I am sorry you have to contend with the issues you mention. There are aspects of that here (UK) but not as much as the media would have us believe. It's very much in pockets. For me the trade off is more about the risk of having maybe some closer human interactions that might not work out so well. But I think your sentiment probably applies to most people on this forum, even if their fears are not about the same thing.

I'm happy to read that you are progressing towards becoming your own best friend. That's so important and a very worthwhile endeavour. It's also really hard for us folks, so it's nice to be able to cheer on a fellow traveller.

[pretty deep stuff on what I'd see as a core wound with my OT]

#9

Therapy / Re: Therapy directly on a core...

Last post by Blueberry - November 10, 2025, 02:44:28 PM

I've kind of answered my own question just this week. I ended up doing pretty deep stuff on what I'd see as a core wound with my OT. Inner Child work + somatic stuff I was aware of.

So it's probably not so much the method as how much I'm able to work on a core wound. I know I said during the work that I'd been there before just not at such a deep level.

I'm repeating this for myself and anybody else interested! With some bolding added.

#10

Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: I'm new here and happy to ...

Last post by Blueberry - November 10, 2025, 02:38:09 PM

Welcome to the forum, EB!

I hope you come to find this forum as supportive as I have over the years. There's always at least one person who can relate to any symptom or experience I write about, which is very validating, and doesn't happen outside the forum to this extent or at all in many cases.