Recent posts
#1
Hey, I have not been here for a while but, when I return, there it is, a post about the death of an uncle, and that is what happened to remind me of this place.
I received the annual Round Robin letter that my cousins's wife sends out in their cards. My uncle, my mother's brother, died a few weeks ago. Of course, I did not know, so I responded, one of my cousin's nephews had also died, that was in the letter too.
I got an email back, apologies for not keeping me informed about things
and telling me how upset my mother was, maybe this was the time to reach out, life is too short blah blah. Then the information about the funeral which is in January, and local as my uncle still lived in this area (my mother doesn't).
I was pretty upset about the 'life is short' stuff. It brought a lot of things up. I also sent a text to my cousin, offering condolences, and he said he would call.
I did respond to the email from his wife, explaining that life is too short to stay in an abusive relationship, and just said that being a mother myself I grieved what I had never had from my own mother.
When my cousin called, he apologised again. Not sure why, my other cousins never even send cards. For context, my uncle was 92, my mother is 82, I have been estranged since 2007. I last saw this cousin before I had my daughter, who is 20, but we have spoken on the telephone, he lives a long way away. I last saw his sisters before I had children. He seemed sorry that I was left out, seemed to want to make things better? Once his mother had dementia, the only way I ever heard anything was from his wife's Christmas letters.
From him I had the information that my mother was not coming to the funeral, and my sister would be on holiday.
Had a Christmas card from my sister this week, no mention of my uncle, I had not actually heard from her since July. Ah well, I will send her a birthday card next month and say I hope she enjoys her holiday!
Not sure how I feel about meeting cousins again after all these years knowing that they know there is a 'rift' and whatever my mother has told them about that. Not sure I want to suddenly be involved in the family, it is a bit overwhelming. And I feel uncomfortable with him being so nice. My parents always kind of gave the impression that my aunt and uncle were scary, strict.
It hurts to know that nobody cares to tell me about things which are going on. It is upsetting that people think they can tell you what to do without understanding what has happened to you.
G
I received the annual Round Robin letter that my cousins's wife sends out in their cards. My uncle, my mother's brother, died a few weeks ago. Of course, I did not know, so I responded, one of my cousin's nephews had also died, that was in the letter too.
I got an email back, apologies for not keeping me informed about things
and telling me how upset my mother was, maybe this was the time to reach out, life is too short blah blah. Then the information about the funeral which is in January, and local as my uncle still lived in this area (my mother doesn't). I was pretty upset about the 'life is short' stuff. It brought a lot of things up. I also sent a text to my cousin, offering condolences, and he said he would call.
I did respond to the email from his wife, explaining that life is too short to stay in an abusive relationship, and just said that being a mother myself I grieved what I had never had from my own mother.
When my cousin called, he apologised again. Not sure why, my other cousins never even send cards. For context, my uncle was 92, my mother is 82, I have been estranged since 2007. I last saw this cousin before I had my daughter, who is 20, but we have spoken on the telephone, he lives a long way away. I last saw his sisters before I had children. He seemed sorry that I was left out, seemed to want to make things better? Once his mother had dementia, the only way I ever heard anything was from his wife's Christmas letters.
From him I had the information that my mother was not coming to the funeral, and my sister would be on holiday.
Had a Christmas card from my sister this week, no mention of my uncle, I had not actually heard from her since July. Ah well, I will send her a birthday card next month and say I hope she enjoys her holiday!
Not sure how I feel about meeting cousins again after all these years knowing that they know there is a 'rift' and whatever my mother has told them about that. Not sure I want to suddenly be involved in the family, it is a bit overwhelming. And I feel uncomfortable with him being so nice. My parents always kind of gave the impression that my aunt and uncle were scary, strict.
It hurts to know that nobody cares to tell me about things which are going on. It is upsetting that people think they can tell you what to do without understanding what has happened to you.
G
#2
General Discussion / Re: Lonely at Christmas
Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 06:18:23 PMMy heart goes out to you. NC with my family at the moment. Not that we used to celebrate Christmas together, but it makes this time of year more difficult. I've felt the sense of separation more intensely the past week or so. Even though I'm physically alone this time, I'm immensely grateful I'll have a video call with a good friend. Other than that, I haven't thought of doing anything special. I may hang out here. That opportunity, I do not take for granted. 
#3
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: For those struggling with ...
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 05:52:27 PM
It is an unfortunate part of having CPTSD that so many of us feel sad and lonely at this time of year. I hope being a part of this community helps even a little. You are not completely alone as you now have a tribe here who gets it, understands and cares.
#4
General Discussion / Re: Lonely at Christmas
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 05:47:48 PMIt is or can be a difficult time of year when all around you people are celebrating with family and friends or so it seems. It took a very long time for me to let go of the Hallmark version of Christmas I carried in my head and replace it with a quieter, calmer version of the holidays. Now I am able to appreciate that what I am missing is the chaos, drama, difficult feelings, etc of my family of origin.
I understand how lonely it can be and yet the time is ours to do with what we please rather than pleasing others, navigating conflict and all the other 'joys' holidays with family brought us. Some members here have chosen to make it an unChristmas, just a day for them to do what they like, eat what they want as you have said BigBlue, and focus on self and what they like to do.
I am sorry this time of year is so hard for us but we do have each other, we do understand what many of us are going through, and we do care and send our support.
I understand how lonely it can be and yet the time is ours to do with what we please rather than pleasing others, navigating conflict and all the other 'joys' holidays with family brought us. Some members here have chosen to make it an unChristmas, just a day for them to do what they like, eat what they want as you have said BigBlue, and focus on self and what they like to do.
I am sorry this time of year is so hard for us but we do have each other, we do understand what many of us are going through, and we do care and send our support.
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 05:37:10 PM
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 05:33:38 PMVery good for you you got away Marcine. And saved yourself. Bravo!
Wishing you all the true and real LOVE in the world.
Quote from: Marcine on Today at 02:16:29 PMlove was compliance. Love was disdain. Love was bowing down and subjecting myself. Love was denying my truth. Love was never outshining them. Love was appearing small and weak. Love was being dependent on abusers.And none of this was love, you knew that already but I just wanted to say it again.
Wishing you all the true and real LOVE in the world.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 05:27:43 PM Thank you all, dear friends. Your words mean so much to me.
#8
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: For those struggling with ...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 04:37:46 PMSending
and
To everybody who needs one! 💛
and
To everybody who needs one! 💛
#9
General Discussion / Re: Writing about the trauma: ...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 04:34:16 PM