Recent posts
#1
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Greetings from the storm- any ...
Last post by Ollyollyoxford - Today at 06:39:46 AMHello, I'm Olly,
When you finish reading this- please share your favorite reptile if you have one! If you don't like them well... to each their own.
I really don't know how to start this introduction- what's too much info, what's not enough?
Educator, artist, gen-z (mid-20s), writer, libra, likes long walks on the beach- okay, now that's out of the way...
I've been in therapy and psychiatric counseling ever since (at least as far as I can remember) kinder, but it's only in my adulthood that I'm accepting that a lot of my symptoms and unhealthy behaviors are largely attributed to unresolved trauma- neglect, abuse, religious and gender related stuff, and the most recent within the decade- betrayal. I only became aware I had trauma in my teens, as the household I grew up in normalized much of the toxicity that I was exposed to- any suffering was just an act of "martyrdom" we HAD to experience.
On top of this I have anxiety, major depression, autism, and I was diagnosed with D.I.D. a long time ago (it's largely been managed- still on my record though). Honestly I've been tossed around psychiatry so many times, I don't know what is or isn't accurate about my diagnoses. I've had to be brought to hospital/homes three times but, those days are long behind me.
I've been wanting to find a community that could understand and communicate the complexities of trauma, but I've always been afraid to put myself out there. Beyond my therapist, I have nobody who I am comfortable enough to talk about how trauma has affected me. I'm unfortunate to say that my efforts in the past beyond therapy are often met with judgment, shame, or condescension- leading me to further secure the walls around my vulnerability. It's gotten to where I sometimes can't even open up to my therapist because I'm so guarded.
Also, with autism I've been told I come off cold. In one instance described as "venomous", which isn't too bad because I really love reptiles, particularly komodo pit vipers- trimeresurus insularis- to be exact. This said, I truly hope that what I write doesn't get misinterpreted as such. I promise it is something I actively try to pay attention to. And it's why I will read my writing over and over and it will take me forever to send a non-practical text or email.
Oh also yes, happy new years to you all. Good luck to those going to work and/or school again. Those who are retired... enjoy!
When you finish reading this- please share your favorite reptile if you have one! If you don't like them well... to each their own.
I really don't know how to start this introduction- what's too much info, what's not enough?
Educator, artist, gen-z (mid-20s), writer, libra, likes long walks on the beach- okay, now that's out of the way...
I've been in therapy and psychiatric counseling ever since (at least as far as I can remember) kinder, but it's only in my adulthood that I'm accepting that a lot of my symptoms and unhealthy behaviors are largely attributed to unresolved trauma- neglect, abuse, religious and gender related stuff, and the most recent within the decade- betrayal. I only became aware I had trauma in my teens, as the household I grew up in normalized much of the toxicity that I was exposed to- any suffering was just an act of "martyrdom" we HAD to experience.
On top of this I have anxiety, major depression, autism, and I was diagnosed with D.I.D. a long time ago (it's largely been managed- still on my record though). Honestly I've been tossed around psychiatry so many times, I don't know what is or isn't accurate about my diagnoses. I've had to be brought to hospital/homes three times but, those days are long behind me.
I've been wanting to find a community that could understand and communicate the complexities of trauma, but I've always been afraid to put myself out there. Beyond my therapist, I have nobody who I am comfortable enough to talk about how trauma has affected me. I'm unfortunate to say that my efforts in the past beyond therapy are often met with judgment, shame, or condescension- leading me to further secure the walls around my vulnerability. It's gotten to where I sometimes can't even open up to my therapist because I'm so guarded.
Also, with autism I've been told I come off cold. In one instance described as "venomous", which isn't too bad because I really love reptiles, particularly komodo pit vipers- trimeresurus insularis- to be exact. This said, I truly hope that what I write doesn't get misinterpreted as such. I promise it is something I actively try to pay attention to. And it's why I will read my writing over and over and it will take me forever to send a non-practical text or email.
Oh also yes, happy new years to you all. Good luck to those going to work and/or school again. Those who are retired... enjoy!
#2
General Discussion / Re: Letter to Gabor Mate
Last post by Kizzie - January 10, 2026, 08:34:01 PMYou know, this reminds me of the controversy of Alice Miller's son Martin, a psychotherapist in Switzerland re his book about his mother (https://www.outofthestorm.website/guest-bloggers/2019/4/28/how-victims-become-perpetrators-passing-war-trauma-on-to-your-own-children). The book is titled "The True Drama of the Gifted Child" and is about his abuse at the hands of his mother. When he published it he received both criticism because his mother was so beloved for her work in child trauma and no-one could quite believe what he was saying, and complements for sharing his truth about her.
I had a difficult time knowing quite what to think and feel myself until I came to see what Martin himself see's about his mother. That is, she was never quite able to deal with the trauma of the war and ended up passing it on, but that her work is still so very important because she had a strong intuitive and intellectual grasp about childhood trauma. It made me think that she is actually a good example of just how hard it is for anyone to deal with trauma, in her case so much so she pushed it down, intellectualized about it, only to have it seep out on her children.
I feel the same way about Gabor Mate, that is, I still see a lot of value in what he has contributed to the field even after reading her article, but am grateful that the author raised what are some serious issues. It's problematic to put people on a pedestal because we make ourselves vulnerable in doing so. I don't need a hero, but I do need professionals to have a strong moral and ethical compass so I can trust them. If he is indeed drifting away from the rigour and solid ethics needed in healthcare, I want to know that.
I had a difficult time knowing quite what to think and feel myself until I came to see what Martin himself see's about his mother. That is, she was never quite able to deal with the trauma of the war and ended up passing it on, but that her work is still so very important because she had a strong intuitive and intellectual grasp about childhood trauma. It made me think that she is actually a good example of just how hard it is for anyone to deal with trauma, in her case so much so she pushed it down, intellectualized about it, only to have it seep out on her children.
I feel the same way about Gabor Mate, that is, I still see a lot of value in what he has contributed to the field even after reading her article, but am grateful that the author raised what are some serious issues. It's problematic to put people on a pedestal because we make ourselves vulnerable in doing so. I don't need a hero, but I do need professionals to have a strong moral and ethical compass so I can trust them. If he is indeed drifting away from the rigour and solid ethics needed in healthcare, I want to know that.
#3
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: stuck in a loop
Last post by Kizzie - January 10, 2026, 07:38:50 PMAsdis, these are just my thoughts of course but I remembered feeling similarly some time back in recovery and thought I'd share about what helped me. I remember I started to see a lot of books and articles about being self-compassionate as I was working really hard on recovering and that sort of grabbed me for some reason. I took what I was reading to heart and for me that meant slowing down and not doing so much, about trying less hard rather than more hard, and of being less perfectionistic and accepting that I am human. So many of us have such a bossy Inner Critic that we don't even think to tell it to shush, to question what it is telling us, and to move toward a more compassionate loving self that the IC blots out.
I don't know if this will resonate with you but I hope some of it does and you can step outside that endless loop.
I don't know if this will resonate with you but I hope some of it does and you can step outside that endless loop.
#4
Conferences/Courses / Re: FREE, 26 Jan. - 1st Feb. 2...
Last post by Kizzie - January 10, 2026, 07:23:57 PMTks for posting this BB 
I continue to be amazed that there are now "Super" conferences about trauma. I remember when I started this forum back in 2014, there were very few conferences, books, articles, etc. Now it's a regular smorgasbord - yay!
I continue to be amazed that there are now "Super" conferences about trauma. I remember when I started this forum back in 2014, there were very few conferences, books, articles, etc. Now it's a regular smorgasbord - yay!
#5
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Shosh5678
Last post by Kizzie - January 10, 2026, 07:21:29 PMHi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Shosh 
Like The Big Blue I too am glad you are choosing to be honest about needing to work at recovery on an ongoing basis. It took a long time for me to admit that here because I didn't want anyone to be discouraged. Eventually I decided that it was my truth and one I needed to express and that others would need to decide for themselves what is true for them.
Hope you find being here helpful
Like The Big Blue I too am glad you are choosing to be honest about needing to work at recovery on an ongoing basis. It took a long time for me to admit that here because I didn't want anyone to be discouraged. Eventually I decided that it was my truth and one I needed to express and that others would need to decide for themselves what is true for them.
Hope you find being here helpful
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - January 10, 2026, 06:46:35 PMWOW, I'm amazed again at the amount of support and compassion you are sending me here, after my 'confused' writing. It's hard to respond to everything all of you wrote but be sure I read it and am taking it in, dear Blueberry, Chart, San, TheBigBlue and HannahOne.
Chart, yes, now that I've got all these parts in sight, or many of them, what you say resonates, the job is to let them co-operate and negotiate as a team and 'me' evolving into a team leader of "the Assembly of Me".
HannahOne, yes, we had been talking about parts before in our journals, and I had in fact been reading Janina Fisher and that's how I got to thinking about parts and dissociation and "the Assembly of Me".
Thank you all.
Chart, yes, now that I've got all these parts in sight, or many of them, what you say resonates, the job is to let them co-operate and negotiate as a team and 'me' evolving into a team leader of "the Assembly of Me".
HannahOne, yes, we had been talking about parts before in our journals, and I had in fact been reading Janina Fisher and that's how I got to thinking about parts and dissociation and "the Assembly of Me".
Thank you all.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by HannahOne - January 10, 2026, 05:14:53 PMYeah, SenseOrgan, we don't know what we dont know, until we know it. We grew up in limited ways with limited options. It takes time for us to realize we are free now. You have choices!
I have to remind myself every day, I have feet, and they can take me somewhere! I have arms and hands, I can hang up the phone! Learned helplessness is real, you can get a mouse to give up trying to get food at all in a three day period with the right reinforcement. It's part of being a mammal that we learn quickly and thoroughly. It's also part of being human to have that neocortex that can think, "HEY! Wait a minute!"
And here on the forum we try to reinforce new learning. We can hang up! Or --- not even answer the phone! Woohoo!
I have to remind myself every day, I have feet, and they can take me somewhere! I have arms and hands, I can hang up the phone! Learned helplessness is real, you can get a mouse to give up trying to get food at all in a three day period with the right reinforcement. It's part of being a mammal that we learn quickly and thoroughly. It's also part of being human to have that neocortex that can think, "HEY! Wait a minute!"
And here on the forum we try to reinforce new learning. We can hang up! Or --- not even answer the phone! Woohoo!
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by HannahOne - January 10, 2026, 05:09:39 PMHi Desert Flower.
I was moved by your brave post laying out your experience. Hooray for your self-awareness! For your understanding of the parts of you, and how it might play out as you try to take good care of yourself, and your self-advocacy with the insurance company.
I relate to having parts that go on as normal, not taking into account my physical and emotional needs, and parts that want to forget that I have these needs. You said you're reading about parts and it made me want to mention Janina Fisher. She has a book, workbook and a web site with lots of articles. We make have spoken about her before here on the journals, I forget LOL.
I relate to your struggle about which part to listen to, they're all so loud! And often polarized in what I should do, like should I work like crazy or sleep all weekend? I try to listen to the parts, but then act from the All of Me who survived everything and is here in the present and will have both perspectives in mind. I know it's "All of Me" when I am curious about my different parts, feeling compassionate toward myself, and have some calm and clarity, and can see the wisdom of both parts' perspective and find a balance.
I am so sorry you had to explain to insurance why you need longer term therapy, that sounds stressful, and unreasonable of them to demand. I'm glad you were able tp persevere and I hope you can get the help you need and deserve when dealing with CPTSD. I'm glad you can get short term support in the meantime!
I was moved by your brave post laying out your experience. Hooray for your self-awareness! For your understanding of the parts of you, and how it might play out as you try to take good care of yourself, and your self-advocacy with the insurance company.
I relate to having parts that go on as normal, not taking into account my physical and emotional needs, and parts that want to forget that I have these needs. You said you're reading about parts and it made me want to mention Janina Fisher. She has a book, workbook and a web site with lots of articles. We make have spoken about her before here on the journals, I forget
LOL. I relate to your struggle about which part to listen to, they're all so loud! And often polarized in what I should do, like should I work like crazy or sleep all weekend? I try to listen to the parts, but then act from the All of Me who survived everything and is here in the present and will have both perspectives in mind. I know it's "All of Me" when I am curious about my different parts, feeling compassionate toward myself, and have some calm and clarity, and can see the wisdom of both parts' perspective and find a balance.
I am so sorry you had to explain to insurance why you need longer term therapy, that sounds stressful, and unreasonable of them to demand. I'm glad you were able tp persevere and I hope you can get the help you need and deserve when dealing with CPTSD. I'm glad you can get short term support in the meantime!
#9
Other / Re: Our Healing Porch Part 8
Last post by Armee - January 10, 2026, 04:34:16 PM Me too. I've frozen time back home so I can be here guilt free and just have a sense that everything is ok right now.
#10
Conferences/Courses / Re: FREE, 26 Jan. - 1st Feb. 2...
Last post by EB - January 10, 2026, 03:27:41 PMThanks a bunch for this Blueberry.
Psycho-education is powerfully helpful to me and this looks like a lot of good info.
Psycho-education is powerfully helpful to me and this looks like a lot of good info.