Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 04:08:29 PMI'm very sorry you've been feeling so sick for such a long time again. Sending you lots of love to warm your heart a little bit. I hope you feel better soon.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 03:32:20 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on Today at 11:45:03 AMI was interested to read your comments about that photo, with you performing and your M looking insecure. I've noticed, when properly looking at some old family photos, that my M often looks insecure in them. She never struck me that way at the time, no doubt due to me being young and cowed by her cloud of power, and it's weird now to see what I could never see then.
Yes, that is interesting. The picture was taken towards the end of her life, after her second husband had died and she seemed to have dropped her mask so to speak. It seems underneath that harsh and distant exterior was a very insecure person indeed.
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:46:49 PMi was so optimistic when i began this journal, now i'm just sick and miserable again, have been for most of the past 6 wks. will this never end?
#4
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Looking for hope...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 11:55:53 AMWelcome. I'm sorry you are struggling.
Yes, there is hope, and healing is possible. Whether one can ever become fully healed as opposed to an awful lot better is debatable in my opinion. I quite like the analogy of CPTSD being like diabetes. You can go a long time without realising you have it. When you realise you have it, you need to treat it. That can be hard work, and just how hard kind of depends on how intrusive the condition is. But you can absolutely get it under control and live very well and comfortably once you know how to manage it.
It can be particularly difficult for those of us who suffered trauma from very early on in life because we have no "normal" to look back and and compare things to. We have to find our own way to that. It's hard and you have to learn to trust yourself and your own instincts as to what is right for you.
One of the things that helped me most was to start learning how to care for and value myself, to discover what I actually do and don't enjoy, rather than simply obeying others. People who abuse you tend to take it badly when you find the strength to walk away - so well done for being brave enough to do that. I am sorry you have found your family to be unsupportive and hostile. You do not deserve every bad thing that has happened to you and your rejection of their ways does not make you a bad person.
Yes, there is hope, and healing is possible. Whether one can ever become fully healed as opposed to an awful lot better is debatable in my opinion. I quite like the analogy of CPTSD being like diabetes. You can go a long time without realising you have it. When you realise you have it, you need to treat it. That can be hard work, and just how hard kind of depends on how intrusive the condition is. But you can absolutely get it under control and live very well and comfortably once you know how to manage it.
It can be particularly difficult for those of us who suffered trauma from very early on in life because we have no "normal" to look back and and compare things to. We have to find our own way to that. It's hard and you have to learn to trust yourself and your own instincts as to what is right for you.
One of the things that helped me most was to start learning how to care for and value myself, to discover what I actually do and don't enjoy, rather than simply obeying others. People who abuse you tend to take it badly when you find the strength to walk away - so well done for being brave enough to do that. I am sorry you have found your family to be unsupportive and hostile. You do not deserve every bad thing that has happened to you and your rejection of their ways does not make you a bad person.
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 11:45:03 AM
I was interested to read your comments about that photo, with you performing and your M looking insecure. I've noticed, when properly looking at some old family photos, that my M often looks insecure in them. She never struck me that way at the time, no doubt due to me being young and cowed by her cloud of power, and it's weird now to see what I could never see then.
#6
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Looking for hope...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 08:26:15 AMWelcome, Ray. 
I'm really glad you wrote, even though I'm so sorry for what brought you here. What you describe: the betrayal, the loss of family support, and the spiritual shaming, cuts incredibly deep. Being met with indifference or blame when you're already wounded is devastating, and it makes sense that it shattered your sense of hope.
I don't know what "healing" ultimately looks like either, but I want to share this: I was high-functioning for most of my life too, and only learned I had CPTSD less than a year ago, in my mid-50s, after what felt like a breakdown and the loss of the numbness that had kept me going. It has been exhausting and painful - and also, slowly, there has been movement, small shifts toward more understanding, less self-blame, and moments of steadier ground.
One thing that helped me early on was learning that trauma can begin very early - sometimes before we have words or memories - and that this doesn't mean we're broken. Understanding that my nervous system adapted to survive conditions it shouldn't have had to endure changed how I see myself.
What's helped me so far has been a mix of learning and reading (including on this forum), consistent trauma-informed therapy (2× per week for now), and gentle nervous-system regulation. I'm far from "there," but I no longer believe that nothing can change. I hold onto the idea of kintsugi: repairing broken pottery with gold - not to erase the cracks, but to integrate them into something still whole and livable. That's the kind of healing I'm hoping for now.
You're not wrong for asking if healing is possible. Many here are living proof that things can become more manageable, even after long stretches of suffering. I'm really glad you found your way here, and I hope you'll keep posting. You don't have to carry this alone.
(if that's ok)
I'm really glad you wrote, even though I'm so sorry for what brought you here. What you describe: the betrayal, the loss of family support, and the spiritual shaming, cuts incredibly deep. Being met with indifference or blame when you're already wounded is devastating, and it makes sense that it shattered your sense of hope.
I don't know what "healing" ultimately looks like either, but I want to share this: I was high-functioning for most of my life too, and only learned I had CPTSD less than a year ago, in my mid-50s, after what felt like a breakdown and the loss of the numbness that had kept me going. It has been exhausting and painful - and also, slowly, there has been movement, small shifts toward more understanding, less self-blame, and moments of steadier ground.
One thing that helped me early on was learning that trauma can begin very early - sometimes before we have words or memories - and that this doesn't mean we're broken. Understanding that my nervous system adapted to survive conditions it shouldn't have had to endure changed how I see myself.
What's helped me so far has been a mix of learning and reading (including on this forum), consistent trauma-informed therapy (2× per week for now), and gentle nervous-system regulation. I'm far from "there," but I no longer believe that nothing can change. I hold onto the idea of kintsugi: repairing broken pottery with gold - not to erase the cracks, but to integrate them into something still whole and livable. That's the kind of healing I'm hoping for now.
You're not wrong for asking if healing is possible. Many here are living proof that things can become more manageable, even after long stretches of suffering. I'm really glad you found your way here, and I hope you'll keep posting. You don't have to carry this alone.
(if that's ok)
#7
Parenting / Re: Explaining your history to...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 08:13:48 AMQuote from: HannahOne on Today at 01:34:16 AMI could just say, they don't always behave in safe ways so it's better to have a stronger boundary with more distance.
Iirc that's the type of thing they suggest on OOTF.
Yay for you for putting your kids into therapy so they could learn what you didn't think you could impart to them about boundaries!
Hats off to you for that!I don't have children of my own but I do have a godson, not a blood relation. He's nearly 16. He comes to stay with me for a couple of days once or twice a year. Of course my position is not comparable to a parent bringing children up and my FOO is not his FOO so there's no wondering on my part whether he needs to know anything. The one thing tho that has been important for me to stress to him is that none of it (me being unduly stressed out and or triggered, being unprepared for his visits, being disorganised and chaotic and often not managing to function on an adult level e.g. with cooking etc) none of it has anything to do with him! That's so much more than my parents and quite possibly yours managed to convey!
I think if you stress that kind of thing, which you've probably done already implicitly or explicitly, your children are less likely to feel they have to take care of you. I grew up learning implicitly that I had to take care of everybody else's feelings both within FOO and outside FOO which entailed not being able to say "No" or set any boundaries at all (yikes!) in case I hurt somebody's feelings. FOO never said that's how I had to act but it was implicit particularly because things weren't spoken (and because FOO is dysfunctional). I hope you understand where I'm going with that.
#8
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New-ish
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 07:21:01 AMWelcome Hannah Glad you found us and have started writing about your experiences. Tho pleased to hear you've been reading too because there is a lot of worthwhile information to be gleaned from multiple posts.
Glad you found us and have started writing about your experiences. Tho pleased to hear you've been reading too because there is a lot of worthwhile information to be gleaned from multiple posts. #9
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Looking for hope...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 07:11:54 AM A warm welcome to the forum Ray! Sorry you need us but since that's the case I'm glad you found us.The forum is generally very supportive and altogether our posts do provide hope for at least living better / easier / less triggered with cptsd. There are in fact members who rarely write on the forum anymore because they're pretty much healed tho they probably still get emotional flashbacks, but are better able to deal with them.
There are also a fair number of members, myself included, who were in healing for years before finding the forum and are aged 50+.
I'm sorry you're in a bad place rn feeling the pain of FOO (family of origin) betrayal and non-support just when you're at your lowest and most in need of support. There's a fair amount of LC and NC versus FOO on the forum, I'm VLC with the whole extended family. I do understand and others will too.
There's more I'm thinking in reaction to your post but don't have the bandwith to write down. I hope to read more from you on the forum!
#10
Therapy / Re: Heart Opening Music
Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 07:03:21 AMThanks for chiming in guys! This is what I had in mind for the thread. ❤️
Nadayana - Nine
Nadayana - Nine