Recent posts
#1
Music / A band that speaks to me
Last post by LadyBoar - November 07, 2025, 06:35:00 PMI don't know if there are any metal/rock fans in this group.
But I have been listening to a progressive metal band called Leprous (the name is very misleading btw). And their lyrics and vocals speaks to me in a level I haven't experienced in a long time.
Here are two of their less metal/more calm songs which lyrics I adore.
Leprous - "On hold"
Leprous - "Alleviate"
But I have been listening to a progressive metal band called Leprous (the name is very misleading btw). And their lyrics and vocals speaks to me in a level I haven't experienced in a long time.
Here are two of their less metal/more calm songs which lyrics I adore.
Leprous - "On hold"
Leprous - "Alleviate"
#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head
Last post by LadyBoar - November 07, 2025, 06:20:40 PMQuote from: Recovery68 on November 06, 2025, 09:15:04 PMI am finding my way through it by no longer viewing myself as someone who is healing or needs to be healed. I do not need fixing just more self-love and acceptance... more clarity and attunement.
Beth, I think you might be onto something here! I have always looked into healing myself, improving myself, fixing myself...but I was not the problem...
In my last therapy session I said I didn't like the person I am when I'm in contact with my family, but I do like who I am now, away from them. Maybe my next steps are to cultivate more self compassion.
You gave me quite a bit to think about! Thanks you Beth!
#3
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head
Last post by LadyBoar - November 07, 2025, 06:13:50 PMQuote from: Kizzie on November 04, 2025, 06:49:18 PMHi and a warm welcome LadyBoar!
Hi Kizzie. Thank you for your message! It's nice to think I may have found a place I might belong. <3
#4
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: The line between self care...
Last post by Kizzie - November 07, 2025, 05:28:34 PMQuote from: EB on November 06, 2025, 10:23:36 PMSometimes I will ask how I'd treat someone else then use that as direction for how to treat myself.
I like what EB wrote. I just attended a talk yesterday by Dr. Judith Herman (was the first clinician to identify CPTSD) and she said exactly this. Imagine what you would say to someone who has been through what you have and then do your level best to grasp that it's your story and deserving of the same compassion and validation you would give others.
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - November 07, 2025, 03:11:06 PMHi San!
As far as the TV thing goes, there are YT vids on certain aspects that you can control in the TV settings. Some folks get a raspberry pi device and route all traffic through it and use it as an adblock and to block data from leaving for the entire home network. That is something that I'm considering as well. My thing is why do I need to go through all this BS just for basic privacy? Or take the back off a new TV and physically disconnect things like mics / etc? I'm seriously considering finding a dumb tv and then maybe go with a external device that I can unplug when I'm not using it.
My next mobile is going to be either a de-googled or a Linux based phone if I go the smart route. I saw one that has physical switches that physically disconnects mics, cameras, GPS, mobile / wifi, I'm honestly considering going to the old school flip phone. Something that I can make calls and limited texts with. No maps, no email, nothing like that. Plus something that has a replaceable battery so I can step outside the forced "upgrade" cycle of 3 / 4 years because the battery failed.
As far as the social media thing goes. I'm not going to get back on it. I'm keeping X for now, leaving the option open to pull the plug on that as well. Thing that gets me twisted is that the engineered "construct" of social media has been mistaken for something real when the reality is far far from that. Same with the so called dating apps. In both cases the "construct" doesn't align with reality. The illusion of human connection, of abundance, when it's all fecal matter. And at the same time, these platforms manipulate humans into the mess that currently exists at the moment. The map has been mistaken for the territory in my opinion.
The lost opportunities are small businesses that I poured into, trying to escape the dependency of working for a company that if I died there, would replace me without giving a rats behind. I was trying to build something. That wasn't "good" enough for the former spouse. Instead of throwing in and assisting me, she destroyed them. Complaining all the while about the $$$$ that I wasn't bringing in while she sat and didn't contribute anything. Honestly, I'm glad that they didn't get more traction than they did. May be petty on my end, but if one of the several had really taken off, she would have gotten even a bigger payout for being a toxic, miserable wench that is ultimately nothing more than a parasite living off others money.
I've put some things together and I feel I have a reasonable handle on her experience that she does now. She lost the paid off car, there are indications that there was some financial fraud, I mean how does a person rack up 25K in credit card debt in 5 months? Not to mention 3 different asset recovery agencies looking for her? I don't know if she did bankruptcy or not. I could sus that out since it's public record. I don't because I have no F's left. She lives on not much $ most being provided via social safety nets. She did things to ensure that she maintained the victim status that I believe is one of her primary drivers. I've known folks that have lived that way and it's not a "good" life. Freedom comes with responsibilities and when the responsibilities are dropped, then the freedom level goes down at the same time.
Soooooooo, yeah, the anger is there. I know that she's reaping the results of her own actions. At the same time, I know enough about enough that I could take action that would compound those results. I don't though. What's the point? Perhaps in the future I'll consult with a law dog about getting the lifetime alimony order modified into something that isn't so onerous for me. Or perhaps I'll go Galt. Legally of course. At the same time, the investment for that, yeesh. time, money, stress, etc. And at the moment I don't know if it can be done.
All I want is to be left alone, to live my life, without being some sort of carbon based revenue unit for all these structures that somehow have convinced us free range humans to submit to?
I got to go. Appliance repair person is coming shortly. That is a tale for another time.
Wishing all here all the best
As far as the TV thing goes, there are YT vids on certain aspects that you can control in the TV settings. Some folks get a raspberry pi device and route all traffic through it and use it as an adblock and to block data from leaving for the entire home network. That is something that I'm considering as well. My thing is why do I need to go through all this BS just for basic privacy? Or take the back off a new TV and physically disconnect things like mics / etc? I'm seriously considering finding a dumb tv and then maybe go with a external device that I can unplug when I'm not using it.
My next mobile is going to be either a de-googled or a Linux based phone if I go the smart route. I saw one that has physical switches that physically disconnects mics, cameras, GPS, mobile / wifi, I'm honestly considering going to the old school flip phone. Something that I can make calls and limited texts with. No maps, no email, nothing like that. Plus something that has a replaceable battery so I can step outside the forced "upgrade" cycle of 3 / 4 years because the battery failed.
As far as the social media thing goes. I'm not going to get back on it. I'm keeping X for now, leaving the option open to pull the plug on that as well. Thing that gets me twisted is that the engineered "construct" of social media has been mistaken for something real when the reality is far far from that. Same with the so called dating apps. In both cases the "construct" doesn't align with reality. The illusion of human connection, of abundance, when it's all fecal matter. And at the same time, these platforms manipulate humans into the mess that currently exists at the moment. The map has been mistaken for the territory in my opinion.
The lost opportunities are small businesses that I poured into, trying to escape the dependency of working for a company that if I died there, would replace me without giving a rats behind. I was trying to build something. That wasn't "good" enough for the former spouse. Instead of throwing in and assisting me, she destroyed them. Complaining all the while about the $$$$ that I wasn't bringing in while she sat and didn't contribute anything. Honestly, I'm glad that they didn't get more traction than they did. May be petty on my end, but if one of the several had really taken off, she would have gotten even a bigger payout for being a toxic, miserable wench that is ultimately nothing more than a parasite living off others money.
I've put some things together and I feel I have a reasonable handle on her experience that she does now. She lost the paid off car, there are indications that there was some financial fraud, I mean how does a person rack up 25K in credit card debt in 5 months? Not to mention 3 different asset recovery agencies looking for her? I don't know if she did bankruptcy or not. I could sus that out since it's public record. I don't because I have no F's left. She lives on not much $ most being provided via social safety nets. She did things to ensure that she maintained the victim status that I believe is one of her primary drivers. I've known folks that have lived that way and it's not a "good" life. Freedom comes with responsibilities and when the responsibilities are dropped, then the freedom level goes down at the same time.
Soooooooo, yeah, the anger is there. I know that she's reaping the results of her own actions. At the same time, I know enough about enough that I could take action that would compound those results. I don't though. What's the point? Perhaps in the future I'll consult with a law dog about getting the lifetime alimony order modified into something that isn't so onerous for me. Or perhaps I'll go Galt. Legally of course. At the same time, the investment for that, yeesh. time, money, stress, etc. And at the moment I don't know if it can be done.
All I want is to be left alone, to live my life, without being some sort of carbon based revenue unit for all these structures that somehow have convinced us free range humans to submit to?
I got to go. Appliance repair person is coming shortly. That is a tale for another time.
Wishing all here all the best
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 07, 2025, 12:57:37 PMyou know, chart, i agree w/ what you said about the latter helping the former. i've heard it the other way around all the time, but i never felt it that way. it wasn't the dressing up that helped me feel better, it was the feeling better first that encouraged me to dress up. i had to feel better first. like i have to feel good enough to go for a walk or exercise - if i don't, i just don't have the energy for it - so, energy first, action second, not the other way around. thanks for helping me realize and own that. and i'm very glad you got an item of clothing you like. very cool!
i'm stressing over this frickin' doc appt. next tues. i want to make a list, but haven't been able to get up the energy/strength to do it. thinking about it got me out of bed too early this morning. very worried about not getting meds for sleep. am realizing how depressed i've been when i didn't really recognize it at the time. i know that's not a doc worry, but i think i've been this way for quite a while. i'm beginning to care.
i'm stressing over this frickin' doc appt. next tues. i want to make a list, but haven't been able to get up the energy/strength to do it. thinking about it got me out of bed too early this morning. very worried about not getting meds for sleep. am realizing how depressed i've been when i didn't really recognize it at the time. i know that's not a doc worry, but i think i've been this way for quite a while. i'm beginning to care.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 07, 2025, 12:47:35 PMSH, i'm so with you on the social media/ 'smart' anything. we finally got a 'smart' tv, that i was absolutely against for the same reason you're describing - i don't want anyone looking over my shoulder all the time. unfortunately, we needed a new tv - my D and i have tv time nearly every day as a way to wind down together, (mental health reaons, lol!) and those kinds are pretty much what's out there. i've learned to live w/ it, but not comfortable to this day.
so much to grieve, so many emotions. i'm glad you're recognizing your anger, recognizing what's healthy or not for you. well done!
it's always an important step to moving forward, right? i'm not on soc. media at all, so am very disconnected from that sphere. funnily enough, anyone around me, no matter how connected they are to it, have all told me in no uncertain terms not to start any social media anything. it's disheartening enough to read the news for me.
may i encourage you to keep going. it sounds like you're doing just what you need to do for you, and i think it's wonderful. love and hugs
so much to grieve, so many emotions. i'm glad you're recognizing your anger, recognizing what's healthy or not for you. well done!
it's always an important step to moving forward, right? i'm not on soc. media at all, so am very disconnected from that sphere. funnily enough, anyone around me, no matter how connected they are to it, have all told me in no uncertain terms not to start any social media anything. it's disheartening enough to read the news for me.may i encourage you to keep going. it sounds like you're doing just what you need to do for you, and i think it's wonderful. love and hugs
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - November 07, 2025, 12:50:39 AM11/6/2025
I realized that I have some anger in there. Nothing boiling, just a slow simmer. I got snookered by the former spouse. 25 years ... All the lost opportunities. All the stress, strain, drama for what? I had a "idea" that there would be a partnership, a building of something and it was a build, destroy, build, destroy, and over the years the destroy included me.
I have grieved the what I thought it might be. I have grieved the what it actually was. I have grieved the person that I used to be. I remember him through a dark glass faintly.
And now, as I gaze out into the mass of humans that are lumped into this blob of ambiguity that the word-symbol "society" is somehow supposed to cover I wonder what in the ever living { cuss word } is going on. So much push for everything to be online. All the socials. Basic human connection turns into content no matter the context. Video's get taken, sliced and diced, and uploaded for ... what exactly? Likes? Clicks? Monetization? Yeesh.
Yeah, there is anger.
Wishing all here all the best
I realized that I have some anger in there. Nothing boiling, just a slow simmer. I got snookered by the former spouse. 25 years ... All the lost opportunities. All the stress, strain, drama for what? I had a "idea" that there would be a partnership, a building of something and it was a build, destroy, build, destroy, and over the years the destroy included me.
I have grieved the what I thought it might be. I have grieved the what it actually was. I have grieved the person that I used to be. I remember him through a dark glass faintly.
And now, as I gaze out into the mass of humans that are lumped into this blob of ambiguity that the word-symbol "society" is somehow supposed to cover I wonder what in the ever living { cuss word } is going on. So much push for everything to be online. All the socials. Basic human connection turns into content no matter the context. Video's get taken, sliced and diced, and uploaded for ... what exactly? Likes? Clicks? Monetization? Yeesh.
Yeah, there is anger.
Wishing all here all the best
#9
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: The line between self care...
Last post by EB - November 06, 2025, 10:23:36 PMHi Lina24
I really appreciate what Sanmagic7 and Kizzie said in their response to your confusion.
I'd like to add that what you said about how'd you respond to someone else in your situation, how you would offer consideration and kindness, is what I've learned to do when facing the same dilemma.
Sometimes I will ask how I'd treat someone else then use that as direction for how to treat myself.
I'm fairly new to this, in fact this is my first post. So maybe not ideal advice but I do know
You absolutely do matter and deserve the same kindness and respect as you would show another.
I really appreciate what Sanmagic7 and Kizzie said in their response to your confusion.
I'd like to add that what you said about how'd you respond to someone else in your situation, how you would offer consideration and kindness, is what I've learned to do when facing the same dilemma.
Sometimes I will ask how I'd treat someone else then use that as direction for how to treat myself.
I'm fairly new to this, in fact this is my first post. So maybe not ideal advice but I do know
You absolutely do matter and deserve the same kindness and respect as you would show another.
#10
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New here
Last post by Recovery68 - November 06, 2025, 09:17:31 PMQuote from: Kizzie on November 04, 2025, 06:32:25 PMQuote from: Recovery68 on November 01, 2025, 05:04:09 PMI just want to feel like I belong somewhere and that I am seen and appreciated.
We do get it, you DO belong here, and you will be seen and heard
Kizzie
Thank you so much Kizzie, it helps