Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:40:50 PMTBB, thank you for all your insight and support. it means a lot. when i mentioned being sensitive, i think it came from a place of having neg. experiences w/ too many other T's, including the first one, an NPD T who damaged me badly, so i'm now quite sensitive to what i expect from a T towards me. it's actually trauma trigger stuff. i also appreciate your validation for my feelings. 
So, i've been thinking about what to write. my first draft was full of venom, wanting to point out everything i thought she did wrong. the next draft was toned down quite a bit, but it felt good to get that crapola out of me in the first one. a few more feelings have since been recognized, including feeling unsafe. that's not a good one to have starting out w/ a T.
i'm probably going to send the email this morning to her. it'll be quite short - oooh, another feeling showed itself - disappointment. very disappointed this didn't work out and that she couldn't let go of her IFS agenda even for one session. my body is speaking to me like crazy now, feelings of fear, frustration, and something else are all making themselves known. didn't know i had so much of this going on inside me! but, it's a step forward to recognize them, know they're there.
TBB, you mentioned something about 'this hurt'. this is the second time in just a couple of weeks, it seems, where someone brought up the idea of feeling hurt by something that happened or was said. honestly, both then, and when i read this the other day, the idea of being hurt never came into my picture. never felt it. thanks for pointing this out. it's helpful for me to recognize, even when i don't feel it.
So, i've been thinking about what to write. my first draft was full of venom, wanting to point out everything i thought she did wrong. the next draft was toned down quite a bit, but it felt good to get that crapola out of me in the first one. a few more feelings have since been recognized, including feeling unsafe. that's not a good one to have starting out w/ a T.
i'm probably going to send the email this morning to her. it'll be quite short - oooh, another feeling showed itself - disappointment. very disappointed this didn't work out and that she couldn't let go of her IFS agenda even for one session. my body is speaking to me like crazy now, feelings of fear, frustration, and something else are all making themselves known. didn't know i had so much of this going on inside me! but, it's a step forward to recognize them, know they're there.
TBB, you mentioned something about 'this hurt'. this is the second time in just a couple of weeks, it seems, where someone brought up the idea of feeling hurt by something that happened or was said. honestly, both then, and when i read this the other day, the idea of being hurt never came into my picture. never felt it. thanks for pointing this out. it's helpful for me to recognize, even when i don't feel it.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:17:00 PMchart, what a breathtakingly beautiful attitude toward your children, your role as dad, your sense of family. despite your pain, what you're going thru, you bring out the best in you for your kids. you are remarkable, too, for braving the tsunami and making another go of it all. sending love and a hug filled w/ the strength and power you need.
#3
New Members / Re: What's in a Name - Part 3
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:09:16 PMso very cool to see these origins come to life here. 
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2026
Last post by Marcine - January 13, 2026, 09:43:43 PMHi Hope,
Continuing with what others wrote, I was particularly struck by your words:
"remaining curious - doing some EMDR for a minute duration..."
How beautiful and powerful to remain curious toward your self and your experiences. To try things and observe the effects on you.
I appreciate the inspiration to try EMDR for a brief time. I usually launch into a longer session which is more daunting.
I'm consciously working on acknowledging when I accomplish something. I see lots of reasons to celebrate on your list. I hope you can give that to yourself...
Continuing with what others wrote, I was particularly struck by your words:
"remaining curious - doing some EMDR for a minute duration..."
How beautiful and powerful to remain curious toward your self and your experiences. To try things and observe the effects on you.
I appreciate the inspiration to try EMDR for a brief time. I usually launch into a longer session which is more daunting.
I'm consciously working on acknowledging when I accomplish something. I see lots of reasons to celebrate on your list. I hope you can give that to yourself...
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by Marcine - January 13, 2026, 08:52:44 PMOh good Lord, Chart...
".. I gave simple solid honest value to my daughter, both my kids... My dear good children: I see you, I recognize your difficulties. You are valid, you are worthy and though it needs no proof, the love I feel for you makes it all true."
Fatherhood incarnate.
You have my deep respect.
".. I gave simple solid honest value to my daughter, both my kids... My dear good children: I see you, I recognize your difficulties. You are valid, you are worthy and though it needs no proof, the love I feel for you makes it all true."
Fatherhood incarnate.
You have my deep respect.
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by Chart - January 13, 2026, 08:28:36 PMThank you everyone, I don't know what to say. But your support helps so much. Now it's time to mount the walls of the wave. Perhaps they're not as high as I thought. Your words are like little ladders, magic stepping stones, one foot after the next. The little child sees only giants around them, everything oversized. Maybe that's where I am.
So many good things happened to me after writing those words this morning. I reached out all around, and in every way. I spoke with several friends, different subjects, but all of it good and rational and supportive. These conversations are lighting up little candles and filling the room with light. My son came home from school because he wasn't feeling well. I then had a task outside of my Suffering. He wasn't "that" ill, more sick of school then really sick :-) We talked about all sorts of stuff, connected, laughed a little, ate dinner together. My daughter called while I was out grocery shopping. She was struggling with her feelings and the challenges of adolescence and we talked about life and love, me in the middle of a French super market speaking loudly English on my phone to my daughter, people looking at me, me not caring. My daughter kept telling me that she felt horrible because she knew she kept annoying people. I kept responding, simply, "You don't annoy ME..." I felt a surge of Attachment Theory crash through the thoughts of love over the telephone. I FELT the theory and wanted to scream, "THIS SH*T ENDS HERE! THERE WILL BE NO MORE ABANDONMENT TRAUMA IN THIS %#!&-ing family... I gave simple solid honest value to my daughter, both my kids... My dear good children: I see you, I recognize your difficulties. You are valid, you are worthy and though it needs no proof, the love I feel for you makes it all true.
Just like you all have done for me here, seeing my pain and reaching out to support me.
I can face the tsunami, I can face the fire, knowing now what you have taught me. Thank you.
So many good things happened to me after writing those words this morning. I reached out all around, and in every way. I spoke with several friends, different subjects, but all of it good and rational and supportive. These conversations are lighting up little candles and filling the room with light. My son came home from school because he wasn't feeling well. I then had a task outside of my Suffering. He wasn't "that" ill, more sick of school then really sick :-) We talked about all sorts of stuff, connected, laughed a little, ate dinner together. My daughter called while I was out grocery shopping. She was struggling with her feelings and the challenges of adolescence and we talked about life and love, me in the middle of a French super market speaking loudly English on my phone to my daughter, people looking at me, me not caring. My daughter kept telling me that she felt horrible because she knew she kept annoying people. I kept responding, simply, "You don't annoy ME..." I felt a surge of Attachment Theory crash through the thoughts of love over the telephone. I FELT the theory and wanted to scream, "THIS SH*T ENDS HERE! THERE WILL BE NO MORE ABANDONMENT TRAUMA IN THIS %#!&-ing family... I gave simple solid honest value to my daughter, both my kids... My dear good children: I see you, I recognize your difficulties. You are valid, you are worthy and though it needs no proof, the love I feel for you makes it all true.
Just like you all have done for me here, seeing my pain and reaching out to support me.
I can face the tsunami, I can face the fire, knowing now what you have taught me. Thank you.
#7
General Discussion / Re: Psychosis from extreme dis...
Last post by Blueberry - January 13, 2026, 08:08:47 PMOh yeah, reviving old threads is a good idea. There's lots of really useful info and experience in old threads. I just didn't want you to be disappointed when OP doesn't respond.
#8
Successes, Progress? / Re: Post-Traumatic Joy
Last post by SenseOrgan - January 13, 2026, 08:00:46 PMI love you all to bits!
#9
New Members / Re: What's in a Name - Part 3
Last post by SenseOrgan - January 13, 2026, 07:46:38 PMQuote from: asdis on May 10, 2025, 08:55:13 PMwe put this name (Asdis) together while researching Old Norse. we then found out it's already an Icelandic name. the first part "Ás" is Old Norse for "god" and "dís" is Old Norse for "goddess". we like the name because we have a very large system and have many different genders within and it's one of the few names that feels like it can encapsulate all of us.What a great name!
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Papa Coco - January 13, 2026, 07:43:33 PMDesert Flower,
I like what you said about how the times when you felt safe were the times when you felt connected to your Self. That's a powerful realization. And it is very true for me too. Authenticity is something we with CPTSD often missed out on. We became what we thought we had to so we could feel safe, rather than grow and nurture and celebrate who we actually were born to be.
I watched a documentary on the making of the TV series Stranger Things. The Duffer brothers, who wrote, produced and filmed the series, and are now in their 40s were given a camera for their 9th birthdays by parents who wanted to support their true desires. It's rare to find people who's parents supported their authentic selves, and when we find them, we recognize that they are solid, authentic, creative people today.
Whenever I watch documentaries on successful people, the one common denominator is that they had someone, somewhere, supporting their authenticity when they were very young. One thing I like about IFS therapy is it lets me be the adult who starts to support the inner children in me who are still waiting for permission to be validated and authentically themselves. It's a process, and it works. And as each little IFS part finds their own authentic selves, my overall authenticity gets just a tiny bit clearer to me.
As you've pointed out, with authenticity comes a feeling of satisfaction and safety and power.
We here are headed in the right direction. We support each other. And it feels goooooood.
I like what you said about how the times when you felt safe were the times when you felt connected to your Self. That's a powerful realization. And it is very true for me too. Authenticity is something we with CPTSD often missed out on. We became what we thought we had to so we could feel safe, rather than grow and nurture and celebrate who we actually were born to be.
I watched a documentary on the making of the TV series Stranger Things. The Duffer brothers, who wrote, produced and filmed the series, and are now in their 40s were given a camera for their 9th birthdays by parents who wanted to support their true desires. It's rare to find people who's parents supported their authentic selves, and when we find them, we recognize that they are solid, authentic, creative people today.
Whenever I watch documentaries on successful people, the one common denominator is that they had someone, somewhere, supporting their authenticity when they were very young. One thing I like about IFS therapy is it lets me be the adult who starts to support the inner children in me who are still waiting for permission to be validated and authentically themselves. It's a process, and it works. And as each little IFS part finds their own authentic selves, my overall authenticity gets just a tiny bit clearer to me.
As you've pointed out, with authenticity comes a feeling of satisfaction and safety and power.
We here are headed in the right direction. We support each other. And it feels goooooood.