Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - Today at 02:13:21 AMHi San.
Honestly, most guys my age have known for a very long time that the world outside is a very dangerous place for us fellas. Yeah, I know the narrative that has been pushed that the gals are more at risk but that is intentional propaganda. The stat's bear that out. Even with them being manipulated.
Another thing to remember is modern society is soo crazy safe than what life was like compared to 1900's that the contrast is totally night and day in difference. I mean think about it. Grocery stores as we know them didn't exist before the 1950's. The interstate highways (at least in the country I live) didn't even start until late 1940's. If a generation is 30 years, it's not very many generations back to where hauling water was a common thing, and if you needed to cook, better be good with fire, and the sailing ships was the means of transport or if it was land based horses were it. Every time us humans "leveled up" the world we experience up till recently got safer and safer over all. Now though things are going the other way and lots of folks don't know how to handle / how to deal with it.
Admittedly the human carpet bomb of unregulated immigration has really increased the general level of danger for all of us.
Even back in the day though there were places that folks didn't go after dark. The old adage of "don't go looking for trouble". Not because of anything that the talking heads were preaching, wasn't about race, economic status, etc. It's that trouble seems to congregate in certain loosely defined areas. Always been that way as far as I have been able to find.
Makes sense to me anyway. I mean birds of a feather you know? There has always been a den of iniquity. Just is.
I'm looking forward to Sunday. I'll see what is the what. I'm working really hard to not get my hopes up. The powwows that I have been to have been cool.
Wishing all here all the best
Honestly, most guys my age have known for a very long time that the world outside is a very dangerous place for us fellas. Yeah, I know the narrative that has been pushed that the gals are more at risk but that is intentional propaganda. The stat's bear that out. Even with them being manipulated.
Another thing to remember is modern society is soo crazy safe than what life was like compared to 1900's that the contrast is totally night and day in difference. I mean think about it. Grocery stores as we know them didn't exist before the 1950's. The interstate highways (at least in the country I live) didn't even start until late 1940's. If a generation is 30 years, it's not very many generations back to where hauling water was a common thing, and if you needed to cook, better be good with fire, and the sailing ships was the means of transport or if it was land based horses were it. Every time us humans "leveled up" the world we experience up till recently got safer and safer over all. Now though things are going the other way and lots of folks don't know how to handle / how to deal with it.
Admittedly the human carpet bomb of unregulated immigration has really increased the general level of danger for all of us.
Even back in the day though there were places that folks didn't go after dark. The old adage of "don't go looking for trouble". Not because of anything that the talking heads were preaching, wasn't about race, economic status, etc. It's that trouble seems to congregate in certain loosely defined areas. Always been that way as far as I have been able to find.
Makes sense to me anyway. I mean birds of a feather you know? There has always been a den of iniquity. Just is.
I'm looking forward to Sunday. I'll see what is the what. I'm working really hard to not get my hopes up. The powwows that I have been to have been cool.
Wishing all here all the best
#2
Music / An Italian song about our core
Last post by Erec - November 13, 2025, 09:04:53 PMI imagine few people here understand Italian, but I would like to suggest a song by a Sicilian songwriter, Franco Battiato, performed in this case by Alice, a singer who is a friend of his. Battiato was an unusual figure in Italian music: he started out with progressive rock and then, after an existential crisis, became very interested in Orthodox Christianity, Sufism, and Eastern philosophy. I tried to have the text translated by Google Gemini, I hope it is understandable. It seems to touch on important points, such as the masks we wear in life and moments of despair:
We have weathered so many storms
And so many ancient and harsh trials
And a clear help from an invisible caress
Of a guardian
Worthy is the life of one who is awake (or: vigilant)
But even more so of one who becomes wise
And then reunites with His joy
Praise be, Praise to the Unviolated
Praise to the Unviolated
And how many useless characters I have worn (or: put on)
I, and my self, how many have endured
Arid is *
Barren is its path
How many miracles, designs, and inspirations
And then the suffering that makes you blind
In the falls there is the reason for His absence (or: the reason why He is absent)
The clouds cannot annihilate the Sun
And he knew it well... Paganini
That the devil is left-handed, and subtle
And plays the violin
https://youtu.be/mkRf4Il605s?si=ZncK3SVZS0wjwICx
We have weathered so many storms
And so many ancient and harsh trials
And a clear help from an invisible caress
Of a guardian
Worthy is the life of one who is awake (or: vigilant)
But even more so of one who becomes wise
And then reunites with His joy
Praise be, Praise to the Unviolated
Praise to the Unviolated
And how many useless characters I have worn (or: put on)
I, and my self, how many have endured
Arid is *
Barren is its path
How many miracles, designs, and inspirations
And then the suffering that makes you blind
In the falls there is the reason for His absence (or: the reason why He is absent)
The clouds cannot annihilate the Sun
And he knew it well... Paganini
That the devil is left-handed, and subtle
And plays the violin
https://youtu.be/mkRf4Il605s?si=ZncK3SVZS0wjwICx
#3
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Introduction
Last post by Erec - November 13, 2025, 06:21:05 PMThank you. My psychotherapist specializes in trauma, with training in certain techniques (particularly Mindfulness and EMDR). The problem here is the psychiatrists who are supposed to manage the pharmacological side: many are not particularly aware of the nature of post-traumatic problems. Just today I discovered that there is an association in Milan that deals with trauma, but I think it's the only one at the moment.
(As for the English: I'm getting help from DeepL, my brain is too tired to produce anything comprehensible.)
Thanks again for the welcome.
(As for the English: I'm getting help from DeepL, my brain is too tired to produce anything comprehensible.)
Thanks again for the welcome.
#4
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Introduction
Last post by Kizzie - November 13, 2025, 06:09:27 PMHi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Erec 
Your English is great so I wouldn't worry about that. I'm sorry that so far you haven't had much help from therapy. Here in Canada psychiatrists are like gold and when you do manage to connect with one they mainly deal with medications. I see that there are lots of psychologists in Italy and you can search for one here - https://www.therapyroute.com/therapists/italy/1. They can't prescribe medication like psychiatrists can, but some are likely to have at least some training about trauma. It's still a bit of a hunt in some countries (for professionals trained in complex trauma), but they are out there.
In the meantime, I hope being here and sharing about your trauma will help you to feel less alone. Many of us have found that it is a relief to be a part of a community that 'gets it' and I hope that's true for you.
Kizzie
Your English is great so I wouldn't worry about that. I'm sorry that so far you haven't had much help from therapy. Here in Canada psychiatrists are like gold and when you do manage to connect with one they mainly deal with medications. I see that there are lots of psychologists in Italy and you can search for one here - https://www.therapyroute.com/therapists/italy/1. They can't prescribe medication like psychiatrists can, but some are likely to have at least some training about trauma. It's still a bit of a hunt in some countries (for professionals trained in complex trauma), but they are out there.
In the meantime, I hope being here and sharing about your trauma will help you to feel less alone. Many of us have found that it is a relief to be a part of a community that 'gets it' and I hope that's true for you.
Kizzie
#5
Physical Abuse / The Myth of Mutual Domestic Vi...
Last post by Kizzie - November 13, 2025, 05:58:49 PMSome time back Armee shared a link to an article "The Myth of Mutual Domestic Violence" (MDV) that I think belongs here (and in other sub-sections) as it validates for us as survivors that when we fight back we are not initiating DV or are we trying to dominate or control another, we are defending ourselves. This perspective is really helpful if/when your abuser (or their lawyer if you're in court) accuses you of MDV. If you know how to fight back about fighting back you will be better prepared and not susceptible to this erroneous argument.
Other links:
- https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/relationships/is-mutual-abuse-real
- https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/
Other links:
- https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/relationships/is-mutual-abuse-real
- https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/
#6
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Introduction
Last post by Erec - November 13, 2025, 05:55:18 PMHello everyone,
I am writing from Italy and my English is rather rusty, so I hope I can express myself clearly.
I have suffered greatly psychologically since childhood, which led to a rather extreme crisis in early adulthood. Unfortunately, none of the psychiatrists and therapists listened to me, so all the therapies were ineffective. This lack of listening and inadequate care caused further trauma, partly because some of them did not behave professionally. In particular, the public health service, which was supposed to provide free therapy, refused to take care of me and forced me to see a Kleinian psychoanalyst of their choice. The result was terrible, and the situation worsened when the psychoanalyst violated professional confidentiality to pressure a psychiatrist, through a third party, not to treat me. This event left me not only discouraged by the ineffectiveness of the treatment, but also frightened by the malicious intentions of some professionals. For several years now, I have been seeing another therapist, who immediately recognized the post-traumatic nature of my problems, but the psychiatrist who was treating me at the same time did not take this into account (he diagnosed me with type II bipolar disorder). Today, I am looking for a new psychiatrist. Unfortunately, it seems that psychiatrists specifically trained in C-PTSD are quite rare, at least in my country. Twenty-four years have passed since the problems became so severe that they prevented me from living a normal life, and today I am terrified about the future. As for the past, I oscillate between moments of extreme depression and others of great suffering and anger, with frequent flashbacks.
I am really afraid, and I have many regrets (would things have been different if someone had understood the nature of my problems right away?). And I am very lonely, with no contact with anyone who may have had experiences similar to mine. I don't know if writing in a "global" forum will help me, but it's all I can do for now.
I may return to the nature of my traumas, especially those from childhood, at another time. For now, thank you for your hospitality.
I am writing from Italy and my English is rather rusty, so I hope I can express myself clearly.
I have suffered greatly psychologically since childhood, which led to a rather extreme crisis in early adulthood. Unfortunately, none of the psychiatrists and therapists listened to me, so all the therapies were ineffective. This lack of listening and inadequate care caused further trauma, partly because some of them did not behave professionally. In particular, the public health service, which was supposed to provide free therapy, refused to take care of me and forced me to see a Kleinian psychoanalyst of their choice. The result was terrible, and the situation worsened when the psychoanalyst violated professional confidentiality to pressure a psychiatrist, through a third party, not to treat me. This event left me not only discouraged by the ineffectiveness of the treatment, but also frightened by the malicious intentions of some professionals. For several years now, I have been seeing another therapist, who immediately recognized the post-traumatic nature of my problems, but the psychiatrist who was treating me at the same time did not take this into account (he diagnosed me with type II bipolar disorder). Today, I am looking for a new psychiatrist. Unfortunately, it seems that psychiatrists specifically trained in C-PTSD are quite rare, at least in my country. Twenty-four years have passed since the problems became so severe that they prevented me from living a normal life, and today I am terrified about the future. As for the past, I oscillate between moments of extreme depression and others of great suffering and anger, with frequent flashbacks.
I am really afraid, and I have many regrets (would things have been different if someone had understood the nature of my problems right away?). And I am very lonely, with no contact with anyone who may have had experiences similar to mine. I don't know if writing in a "global" forum will help me, but it's all I can do for now.
I may return to the nature of my traumas, especially those from childhood, at another time. For now, thank you for your hospitality.
#7
Protective Factors / The Myth of Mutual Domestic Vi...
Last post by Kizzie - November 13, 2025, 05:25:26 PMSome time back Armee shared a link to an article "The Myth of Mutual Domestic Violence" (MDV) that I think belongs here (and in other sub-sections) as it validates for us as survivors that when we fight back we are not initiating DV or are we trying to dominate or control another, we are defending ourselves. This perspective is really helpful if/when your abuser (or their lawyer if you're in court) accuses you of MDV. If you know how to fight back about fighting back you will be better prepared and not susceptible to this erroneous argument.
Other links:
- https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/relationships/is-mutual-abuse-real
- https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/
-
Other links:
- https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/relationships/is-mutual-abuse-real
- https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/
-
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 13, 2025, 01:51:48 PMthanks, blueberry. it was a trial, but i got thru it. hopefully, i'll be able to stand up for what i need/want a little better going forward. 
got test results back yesterday. some stuff is a little high, but it sounds like, in general, i'm doing ok. nothing that scares me, altho i have the feeling that the doc is gonna try to push some meds for 'pre-diabetes', which is very popular nowadays here. my D has done a lot of research on that cuz she was having problems w/ it for a while, so she learned a lot, but when she read my results, she started laughing cuz my levels are really not problematic at this point. i've had high blood sugar forever and never a diabetes diagnosis, so i won't sweat it, but i'll stand firm. i really don't want to get on the pill bandwagon if it's not absolutely necessary for my life.
i'm such a gritch when it comes to this stuff, like a donkey hunkering down, front legs straight in front of me, i'm not moving kind of thing. i hate it so very much. she kept talking about different meds than what i have, to keep an open mind. i kept telling her it's not that my mind is closed, but that i've already tried so many different meds and they don't go along w/ my system, make me sicker and more miserable. i hate frickin' arguing w/ doctors, and then they talk down to you, over-explain things like you're 7 or something. ugh!
anyway, will be picking up my new meds today, so gonna try them all out. i've had some i've been hoarding, and used them last nite, and my sleep was much better quality, much deeper and more restful, altho it still wasn't long enough, but that may have to come w/ practice. still, i felt good enough to get out and walk, took a leaf stroll - one of my favorite things is crunching fallen leaves in the fall - and there are various trees w/in our apt. complex, so i walked in between them. thought of forest bathing, something someone here talked about a couple years ago. it was very refreshing for my soul.
it was chilly, tho, so i'll need thicker pants next time. my legs are still chilled. but worth it. being able to sleep well makes all the difference.
got test results back yesterday. some stuff is a little high, but it sounds like, in general, i'm doing ok. nothing that scares me, altho i have the feeling that the doc is gonna try to push some meds for 'pre-diabetes', which is very popular nowadays here. my D has done a lot of research on that cuz she was having problems w/ it for a while, so she learned a lot, but when she read my results, she started laughing cuz my levels are really not problematic at this point. i've had high blood sugar forever and never a diabetes diagnosis, so i won't sweat it, but i'll stand firm. i really don't want to get on the pill bandwagon if it's not absolutely necessary for my life.
i'm such a gritch when it comes to this stuff, like a donkey hunkering down, front legs straight in front of me, i'm not moving kind of thing. i hate it so very much. she kept talking about different meds than what i have, to keep an open mind. i kept telling her it's not that my mind is closed, but that i've already tried so many different meds and they don't go along w/ my system, make me sicker and more miserable. i hate frickin' arguing w/ doctors, and then they talk down to you, over-explain things like you're 7 or something. ugh!
anyway, will be picking up my new meds today, so gonna try them all out. i've had some i've been hoarding, and used them last nite, and my sleep was much better quality, much deeper and more restful, altho it still wasn't long enough, but that may have to come w/ practice. still, i felt good enough to get out and walk, took a leaf stroll - one of my favorite things is crunching fallen leaves in the fall - and there are various trees w/in our apt. complex, so i walked in between them. thought of forest bathing, something someone here talked about a couple years ago. it was very refreshing for my soul.
it was chilly, tho, so i'll need thicker pants next time. my legs are still chilled. but worth it. being able to sleep well makes all the difference.
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 13, 2025, 01:34:32 PMhey, SH, i think it sucks that you have to watch out for what you say and do for fear of being taken out of context. from a female perspective, i'm sorry men have been painted with a broad brush. i've had this conversation w/ men, and they've learned that one big difference between us is the idea that when they walk out the door, they're not worried about being violated. most women do, at least all the ones i've spoken w/. my gal pal just got herself some pepper spray at 76. i think it's horrible that we've come to this.
i hope your tribal gathering goes well for you. i've been to several powwows in my life, and they've always been one place i did feel safe and welcomed, even if ignored. but it always felt warm and natural for me. i wish i could do more of it. so, i hope you can enjoy and feel a part of something wonderful. love and hugs
i hope your tribal gathering goes well for you. i've been to several powwows in my life, and they've always been one place i did feel safe and welcomed, even if ignored. but it always felt warm and natural for me. i wish i could do more of it. so, i hope you can enjoy and feel a part of something wonderful. love and hugs
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing or Holding On?
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 13, 2025, 01:08:53 PMD.A.G., no, i wasn't offended. we don't often hear of a child being the NPD and making life miserable for the parent. i know she's spread stories about me to many friends, some of whom i've actually met and we got along well, some who wanted to do me bodily harm cuz of what they believed i'd done to her. so, the belief is already out there that i'm the bad guy, and there's nothing i can do about it except try not to think about it. ugh!
so very glad you and your F were able to have some time to be 'together'. i didn't think the writing thing was childish, especially - i thought it was a creative way to keep yourself safe. i often feel safer by writing cuz i can't always think clearly in the moment, so i get it.
actually, i have felt that way, a big release, then an accumulation again. if i recall correctly, for me it was often because there was some deeper issue going on that i hadn't touched/looked at yet. it was like i was able to recognize some surface stuff, deal w/ it, but then the core stuff would rear its head again, maybe w/ the same person/incident/situation or another. i think it's the onion peeling dynamic - we get one layer off, then eventually discover there's another layer to be dealt with. i can go for a while before another layer makes itself known. i believe i'm between layers right now.
i hope you can discover your pattern and that it makes sense for you. love and hugs (and thanks for the love back)
so very glad you and your F were able to have some time to be 'together'. i didn't think the writing thing was childish, especially - i thought it was a creative way to keep yourself safe. i often feel safer by writing cuz i can't always think clearly in the moment, so i get it.
actually, i have felt that way, a big release, then an accumulation again. if i recall correctly, for me it was often because there was some deeper issue going on that i hadn't touched/looked at yet. it was like i was able to recognize some surface stuff, deal w/ it, but then the core stuff would rear its head again, maybe w/ the same person/incident/situation or another. i think it's the onion peeling dynamic - we get one layer off, then eventually discover there's another layer to be dealt with. i can go for a while before another layer makes itself known. i believe i'm between layers right now.
i hope you can discover your pattern and that it makes sense for you. love and hugs (and thanks for the love back)