Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2025
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 02:20:03 PMHi NarcKiddo, Thank you so much for what you said - I also appreciated you sharing how certain parts of you can be resistant to reading certain books - it helped me to feel validated. When you wrote about how your younger part finds cuddling a toy whilst reading is helpful, I might try that. I know that I find doing 'dot-to-dots' is very helpful for when I'm watching videos and utubes about trauma related topics, as I can process things better whilst doing the dot-to-dots. I think it has a similar effect to doing bilateral stimulation - in terms of how it makes me feel.
Actually I let my AI look at some communications that my M had sent, and just said 'What do you think of that' and the responses were incredibly astute and it helped me to consider quite a few different angles on it. I thought it was really helpful for enabling me to feel some emotions in response to it, that maybe I wouldn't have found by myself. I then shared the conclusions with my partner, and he said they were really 'spot on'. So it's an interesting thing to do, and helps shift a stuck perspective - at least in my experience!
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Today is 21st October, and I am managing to do quite a lot today - sorting through some things that I wanted to do, and actually doing them - fairly slowly, but methodically, and it feels good!
Actually I let my AI look at some communications that my M had sent, and just said 'What do you think of that' and the responses were incredibly astute and it helped me to consider quite a few different angles on it. I thought it was really helpful for enabling me to feel some emotions in response to it, that maybe I wouldn't have found by myself. I then shared the conclusions with my partner, and he said they were really 'spot on'. So it's an interesting thing to do, and helps shift a stuck perspective - at least in my experience!
**********
Today is 21st October, and I am managing to do quite a lot today - sorting through some things that I wanted to do, and actually doing them - fairly slowly, but methodically, and it feels good!
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 02:11:55 PMHi PapaCoco, Sending you a hug 
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 02:11:08 PMI would also like to send a hug of love and support to you and to Little B as well.
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 12:08:19 PMi echo the others, bach. it's horrible to go thru all this and i get those dark thoughts that creep in - i get them, too. know you're not alone, you are cared about, and i wish there was something more i could do. sending love and a hug filled w/ support and strength for both big B and little B.
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 11:35:18 AMI hope the plumber has now been able to sort the kitchen sink problem and that the bill was not too terrible. These domestic problems are trying enough for anyone to deal with, but coupled with an EF they can feel intolerable. Poor little B. 
#6
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello!
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 11:31:49 AMWelcome, Dot. I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and that this has caused trauma symptoms to resurface in a big way. I'm very glad to hear you are on the healing path.
I had not heard of AOG so I have looked them up. I find it very sad just how much abuse goes on in the name of religion. I had a religious upbringing, though it was very mainstream and it seemed to me everyone I mixed with only ever paid lip service. My trauma does not stem from that, although the church was never very kind in my experience. My husband was brought up in the Exclusive Brethren, however, and I know many people from that background who have suffered. I am glad your faith nurtures you and that you have been able to separate it from your past treatment in the AOG church.
I had not heard of AOG so I have looked them up. I find it very sad just how much abuse goes on in the name of religion. I had a religious upbringing, though it was very mainstream and it seemed to me everyone I mixed with only ever paid lip service. My trauma does not stem from that, although the church was never very kind in my experience. My husband was brought up in the Exclusive Brethren, however, and I know many people from that background who have suffered. I am glad your faith nurtures you and that you have been able to separate it from your past treatment in the AOG church.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Chart - Today at 10:05:29 AMPapaCoco, I think you've just summarized a prevalent but little discussed condition: Healing Burnout.
I remember when I imploded in 2023. I'd just a few months before discovered the term Cptsd. I remember very clearly throwing myself into "healing" like those salmon fighting with all their might to get upstream against the relentless current. My idea was willpower, force, determination and incessant research. Pain drove me like a galley slave.
Kinda worked... :-)
But I think that one of my mistakes for a VERY long time was seeing "healing" as an objective; a destination point. As time passes, my pain has changed, but definitely NOT disappeared. And this is still immensely frustrating. (Especially when I know I've made great progress... but... life keeps throwing poop-piles in my face!)
So recently the idea of acceptance has reemerged. It's not so much about where I'm headed as the scenery out my window as I make this trip. And yeah, it's often pretty ugly. I struggle with how much to shut my eyes.
I think all these things going on around the world are great. But for me at least, now, it's not how I'm gonna move beyond my condition. I'm staying open, but the hardest thing for me is not seeking, it's looking inside.
I remember when I imploded in 2023. I'd just a few months before discovered the term Cptsd. I remember very clearly throwing myself into "healing" like those salmon fighting with all their might to get upstream against the relentless current. My idea was willpower, force, determination and incessant research. Pain drove me like a galley slave.
Kinda worked... :-)
But I think that one of my mistakes for a VERY long time was seeing "healing" as an objective; a destination point. As time passes, my pain has changed, but definitely NOT disappeared. And this is still immensely frustrating. (Especially when I know I've made great progress... but... life keeps throwing poop-piles in my face!)
So recently the idea of acceptance has reemerged. It's not so much about where I'm headed as the scenery out my window as I make this trip. And yeah, it's often pretty ugly. I struggle with how much to shut my eyes.
I think all these things going on around the world are great. But for me at least, now, it's not how I'm gonna move beyond my condition. I'm staying open, but the hardest thing for me is not seeking, it's looking inside.
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 07:46:23 AMWhat a toxic environment to survive as an adult, let alone to grow up in. Adults behaving like unreasonable, entitled toddlers is a distinct kind of repulsive.
#10
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Hello!
Last post by littledoodot - Today at 07:40:51 AMHello, I'm Dot, 56F and new to this forum. 👋
I have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD stemming from Religious Trauma and Spiritual Abuse in the AOG Church 20-30 years ago and triggered 3 years ago by the death of my mother followed by verbal abuse and betrayal 6 months later by a male friend who had been helping me through the loss of my Mum (a friend who I had gotten back in touch with after Mum died who I had met years ago in the AOG church). So I am not only dealing with the trauma of grief and loss but relational trauma as well and this has resulted in severe avolition over the past couple of years which caused the inability to function on a daily basis, especially in relation to work and which has also recently seen me approved for the Disability Support Pension, which makes things a lot easier for me. 😌
Being able to finally put a name to how I have been over the last 20-odd years—lots of guilt and shame, being nervy and jumpy, hypervigilance and avoidance, rumination, relationship difficulties—also makes things easier, too, knowing that it is not my fault for how I am and that it was a result of how I was treated. And now I know, now I can heal and I am on the healing path—I've been doing a lot of reflective writing this year and I attend a weekly Tai Chi class—I engage in a lot of meditation and mindfulness activities and in general, I enjoy engaging in language and literature pursuits. Most importantly, I still have my faith, although I consider myself more spiritual than religious now but my faith is what drives me and keeps me going. 🙏
I look forward to engaging with likeminded souls on here. 😊
Warm regards,
Dot
I have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD stemming from Religious Trauma and Spiritual Abuse in the AOG Church 20-30 years ago and triggered 3 years ago by the death of my mother followed by verbal abuse and betrayal 6 months later by a male friend who had been helping me through the loss of my Mum (a friend who I had gotten back in touch with after Mum died who I had met years ago in the AOG church). So I am not only dealing with the trauma of grief and loss but relational trauma as well and this has resulted in severe avolition over the past couple of years which caused the inability to function on a daily basis, especially in relation to work and which has also recently seen me approved for the Disability Support Pension, which makes things a lot easier for me. 😌
Being able to finally put a name to how I have been over the last 20-odd years—lots of guilt and shame, being nervy and jumpy, hypervigilance and avoidance, rumination, relationship difficulties—also makes things easier, too, knowing that it is not my fault for how I am and that it was a result of how I was treated. And now I know, now I can heal and I am on the healing path—I've been doing a lot of reflective writing this year and I attend a weekly Tai Chi class—I engage in a lot of meditation and mindfulness activities and in general, I enjoy engaging in language and literature pursuits. Most importantly, I still have my faith, although I consider myself more spiritual than religious now but my faith is what drives me and keeps me going. 🙏
I look forward to engaging with likeminded souls on here. 😊
Warm regards,
Dot