Checked the old FB

[Phoebes]

Well, sometimes I log in to the old FB to mainly see the page of one of my best friends who passed away in a car accident..in passing, I saw something Nm related and gave in to temptation and looked at her page. She had posted a pic and tribute to her D on father's day. The GP who molested me.

Honestly I don't think about the things he did so much as the ignoring of it and expectation to forget about it from the other adults. blah blah seriously..I actually find things to honor about the man. He was not all bad. Human.

However, in our last conversation before I asked for time and space which ultimately turned into NC, a part of the conversation was the insitsance upon my Nm that "she protected me" after i told of his abuse. Such as, the first time I said something, she then protected me. This is one of those refrains she has said for years, which was far from the truth. I finally insisted that this was just not the case, which I've said times before. The woman is not ill. There is no reason to deny the truth. She then said well if anything more happened it was MY fault. etc and so forth. No need to give all the details as I have  couple of times already.

I guess the point being is nothing has changed:confirmed. Why would she write a tribute to the man who molested her daughter? I know why..to deflect and deny the story. To create a barrier to make me look crazy should the story come out. To imply SHE is a loving forgiving daughter (covertly) and I should be too. To others, a loving doting daughter (unlike me, to the people that know I'm supposedly "estrainged") It's very warped. Further evidence to Stay TF away.

[Phoebes]

*estranged

[Sceal]

So sorry that your m didn't actually protect you from that man, and that she's denying still that she didn't do anything to help you and get you safely away from him. It's crazy that she doesn't believe her own d, and still continues to honour the man. It must truly, deeply suck.

[ah]

I know why..to deflect and deny the story. To create a barrier to make me look crazy should the story come out. To imply SHE is a loving forgiving daughter (covertly) and I should be too. To others, a loving doting daughter (unlike me, to the people that know I'm supposedly "stranged") It's very warped. Further evidence to Stay TF away.

I couldn't agree more. My parents, abusers 'etc seem to have read the same instruction manual to life and relationships as your Nm.

Last time I checked my F's FB it was similar. Friends singing his praises about imaginary insane things. Deranged lies covering up reality so that his self important facade could be kept intact, and probably also to warn me not to open my mouth.

My experience has been that no matter what I do the response is the same. I keep silent, I don't keep silent, I talk, I keep NC, it doesn't seem to matter. They're stuck on just one repetitive behavior. It's very warped indeed and also very boring. They don't seem to grow. You do.

[Phoebes]

It is bizarre how they all do the same things. So strange. I think it gets back to protecting their false self.

Thank you for your supportive words. It does suck, strengthens the feeling she never loved me, and that she has not even tried to change.

Ya know, when she was abusing me as a child, physically and emotionally, and I would protest, say something, speak of unfairness, etc., she would lash out at me and say I don't KNOW what unfair is, or abuse, or whatever, etc. to say what she was doing to me was nothing as bad as what she got. With a "you're just too sensitive" to wrap up the interaction. I never once was heard, or apologized too. She told of a story about her father that I agreed was very abusive physically and mentally. As an adult, I asked her what other things he did that were abusive, and she said that he didn't allow a phone or doors in the house. I asked if he had molested her and the answer was "no, I guess I wasn't pretty enough for him."

I wonder if the one incident caused her N stuff. I wonder if she was lying about the extent of his abuse. I suspect there was more that she has blocked out. In any case, I was never seen as a separate person. If I had pain, I had to also carry her pain. I always felt like she kicked me when I was down, and I was usually down because of her.

"My experience has been that no matter what I do the response is the same. I keep silent, I don't keep silent, I talk, I keep NC, it doesn't seem to matter. They're stuck on just one repetitive behavior. It's very warped indeed and also very boring. They don't seem to grow. You do. "

THANK YOU for this. SO true. I'm trying to grow. The pain is so bad sometimes, but I do know I am growing and seeing it through a lens of reality.

[Kalmer]

Phobes, I echo Sceals sentiment that your ms attitude sucks. It must have been really painful to hear her praising him up on fb. The one person you should have been able to count on let you down so badly. Are you able to block/show fewer of her posts? Just wondering if this would help in the future?

[Phoebes]

Thanks, Kalmer,
Yeah, I have a new page where all the NC's are blocked. She could feasibly stalk me through a couple of people, but I don't really post on there much. I log in to my old one occasionally if I think of someone I want to talk to, but I just close it back out afterwards. I really shouldn't look at it at all, or her husband's.

Yeah, this area-the GP issue, is just one small part in the grand scheme of things. It's one of those twisted narratives she's told herself, repeats, and I finally had had enough. She kept saying she protected me (brings this up in conversation every time I saw her almost) and when I said no, actually , you didn't and none of the adults did anything different to protect me. no one asked me what happened, or ever questioned if anything more happened. I was put on a guilt trip and made to go visit them when I said I didn't want to. I was threatened and shamed my senior year to go visit them rather than go to the STATE tournament with my team, and I was so brainwashed I complied. I could not say no, stay with a friend, have any choice but to go there several times a year, and he did keep doing stuff and saying stuff. To this she said "well if he kept doing things that's YOUR fault for not telling again!" I asked again, why did no one ask me details, or give me an out? Not to mention my GM said if I EVER said anything again she would DISOWN me (I was 10 at the time).

So, ANYway...yes, my Nm should have protected and been concerned. She was more concerned about not rocking the boat, and now that I've been NC she covertly paints me as a horrible person.