Finally Cracked

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Contessa

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Finally Cracked
« on: August 11, 2018, 06:21:10 AM »
It's happened.
Splitting headache, need to vomit.
I can't work with the pain, all efforts to rise above have failed.
I don't want to fight for my life any more, I see no hope and no future.
Have dragged myself out of bed for months just to drag myself out. No benefit came of it.
I feel like what little I can give is being taken advantage of. I hurt a lot.

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radical

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2018, 06:32:19 AM »
II can only say I care.
It sounds like hell and  I wish i could take it away. :hug:

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finallyfree

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2018, 07:57:59 AM »
 :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
To you now, I am so sorry your having such a hard time. I wish I could take your pain away.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2018, 02:28:52 PM »
i'm with the others, contessa.  no one should have to suffer like this.   wish i could do more.  sending love and hugs, sweetie.

 :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

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Kizzie

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2018, 04:36:54 PM »
So very sorry to hear this Contessa - sending along as much care as is possible online :hug: 

It could help to talk to someone in real life - maybe try Befrienders?.

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Contessa

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2018, 09:31:49 PM »
Thank you everyone and Kizzie, will keep that in mind.

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Kizzie

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2018, 05:37:18 PM »
 :hug:

We’re here for you  :yes:

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Phoebes

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2018, 06:06:35 PM »
Hi Contessa, How are you doing today? Warm wishes and thinking of you.

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Contessa

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2018, 06:06:37 AM »
Hi Phoebes,

Oddly better, though I had to express my truth again to feel it. That meant upsetting someone else... but if I didn't say it, the alternative was compromising and therefore damaging myself. I was already feeling the compromise by being triggered and re-living two of my traumas, high anxiety and SI.

I should have just said nothing, but I exploded like an over-filled balloon, after walking on eggshells for quite a while. Yet, it wasn't until I was put down and received a drastic consequence that my anger and anxiety lifted. I wholeheartedly believe that I triggered the inevitable; I was always going to receive that drastic consequence. It would have been much worse for me to receive it later than now.

I feel freedom again for some reason. And a future. With the alternative, insanity was certain.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2018, 08:37:06 AM by Contessa »

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sanmagic7

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2018, 01:27:32 PM »
so very glad you dodged the insanity bullet, contessa.  sometimes these things can take strange turns, yet still wind up the best for us.  glad you're doing ok.  love and hugs.