Finally Cracked

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Contessa

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Finally Cracked
« on: August 10, 2018, 11:21:10 PM »
It's happened.
Splitting headache, need to vomit.
I can't work with the pain, all efforts to rise above have failed.
I don't want to fight for my life any more, I see no hope and no future.
Have dragged myself out of bed for months just to drag myself out. No benefit came of it.
I feel like what little I can give is being taken advantage of. I hurt a lot.

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radical

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2018, 11:32:19 PM »
II can only say I care.
It sounds like hell and  I wish i could take it away. :hug:

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finallyfree

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2018, 12:57:59 AM »
 :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
To you now, I am so sorry your having such a hard time. I wish I could take your pain away.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2018, 07:28:52 AM »
i'm with the others, contessa.  no one should have to suffer like this.   wish i could do more.  sending love and hugs, sweetie.

 :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
learn something from everything.

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Kizzie

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2018, 09:36:54 AM »
So very sorry to hear this Contessa - sending along as much care as is possible online :hug: 

It could help to talk to someone in real life - maybe try Befrienders?.
When it comes to trauma, time does NOT heal all wounds. It is deeply embodied in our mind, body & spirit & requires compassionate, knowledgeable treatment & self-care.

If we want more/better trauma informed treatment & services, we must advocate for ourselves when & where we can.

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Contessa

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2018, 02:31:49 PM »
Thank you everyone and Kizzie, will keep that in mind.

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Kizzie

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2018, 10:37:18 AM »
 :hug:

We’re here for you  :yes:
When it comes to trauma, time does NOT heal all wounds. It is deeply embodied in our mind, body & spirit & requires compassionate, knowledgeable treatment & self-care.

If we want more/better trauma informed treatment & services, we must advocate for ourselves when & where we can.

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Phoebes

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2018, 11:06:35 AM »
Hi Contessa, How are you doing today? Warm wishes and thinking of you.

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Contessa

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2018, 11:06:37 PM »
Hi Phoebes,

Oddly better, though I had to express my truth again to feel it. That meant upsetting someone else... but if I didn't say it, the alternative was compromising and therefore damaging myself. I was already feeling the compromise by being triggered and re-living two of my traumas, high anxiety and SI.

I should have just said nothing, but I exploded like an over-filled balloon, after walking on eggshells for quite a while. Yet, it wasn't until I was put down and received a drastic consequence that my anger and anxiety lifted. I wholeheartedly believe that I triggered the inevitable; I was always going to receive that drastic consequence. It would have been much worse for me to receive it later than now.

I feel freedom again for some reason. And a future. With the alternative, insanity was certain.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2018, 01:37:06 AM by Contessa »

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sanmagic7

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Re: Finally Cracked
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2018, 06:27:32 AM »
so very glad you dodged the insanity bullet, contessa.  sometimes these things can take strange turns, yet still wind up the best for us.  glad you're doing ok.  love and hugs.
learn something from everything.