Inner Critic....Whilst I sleep

[Snookiebookie]

Hi

I've never really had true nightmares. Not the kind where you're reliving a situation or horrible event. I do get allegorical or symbolic dreams. Where the events are similar to past experiences.  So, there'll be lots of rejection and abandonment and things related to my emotional abuse.  The worse thing about these dreams is the underlying emotions and messages about me.  Thankfully they don't happen often.

What I've found is happening a lot recently is that in the early hours I'm half waking up with my brain racing. I'm having intrusive thoughts/automatic negative thoughts.  It's like my inner critic has been at work whilst my conscious mind has been asleep. Does that make sense?

What makes it worse is at that time of day you are at your least rational.  I call it "4 o'clock in the morning thinking".  I assume it's because your hormones are at a low ebb and your brain functions differently, but everything seems differently at that hour.  I've often ruminated myself senseless at that time of day, only for things to be totally different in the morning when I'm much more rational.

What is happening is I'm going about my day and feeling okay. It's pretty challenging with my new job and all those new interactions.  I'm keeping my positive journal and recording my successes and achievements.  And generally doing ok.

But during the night my inner critic is seeing things differently and when I stir I'm finding it difficult to deal with the things they tell me.  This leads to a disturbed two or three hours. And I'm very anxious in the first few hours of the day.

Last night I tried telling the inner critic that they are brutal at that time of day.  I tried shifting my focus by counting my breaths.  Eventually I went back to sleep.

This has only happened sporadically before but Is happening frequently with my new job. I obviously feel threatened and inadequate.

But how to silence the inner citric when it's happening whilst I'm asleep?

Many thanks

[Kizzie]

I have a lot of anxiety/rejection type dreams that get worse when I am under stress (like being in a new job) Snookie.  I've come to see them as a barometer of things I need to work on still.  That fear of being rejected just runs deep for so many of us with CPTSD, but I think keeping a journal and looking realistically at how you're actually faring is a good strategy to counteract the Inner Critic/Fear Monger that rises up when you sleep.  Maybe you could read a bit of that when you do wake up just to reassure yourself?

I do hope your sleep gets calmer as you settle into work