Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again

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Blueberry

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #30 on: September 07, 2018, 12:04:11 PM »
Sorry, I'd forgotten yesterday was the big therapy day. It's great that you have confidence in your new T in ways that are important to you.

It sounds to me as if you accomplished tons in that one session and as if you're able to tap a whole slew of basic memories and realisations and then write coherently about them (!) without going off the deep end. It's something I can't do so that's why it jumps off the screen at me.

 :hug: :hug: to younger you with all that pain, hopelessness, powerlessness and to present day you if you're feeling those emotions too. I note there's anger too. Good for younger Kizzie. Anger gives energy to set limits and heal. I'm sure you know that Kizzie, but I just want to validate the anger, not just the pain.

Looking forward to seeing how you grow and change with this T, Kizzie!  :)

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Kizzie

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #31 on: September 07, 2018, 04:10:51 PM »
Tks BB  :hug: 


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Elphanigh

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #32 on: September 07, 2018, 05:25:24 PM »
That is amazing Kizzie  :hug: I think Blueberry phrased all of that perfectly. I am really excited for you as well

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woodsgnome

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #33 on: September 07, 2018, 06:18:08 PM »
So far, so good; and thanks for sharing. Sounds too, like this T isn't making the most common mistake I often hear of (especially regarding complex ptsd), which is rushing into the process without fully working it out with you before getting into crunch time.

I hope this can continue as you seek to once again land on solid ground.

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Three Roses

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #34 on: September 07, 2018, 06:52:56 PM »
 :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

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Blueberry

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #35 on: September 08, 2018, 12:43:16 PM »
Sounds too, like this T isn't making the most common mistake I often hear of (especially regarding complex ptsd), which is rushing into the process without fully working it out with you before getting into crunch time.

 :yeahthat:  a very common mistake ime too. I was told trauma-informed Ts don't do that, except the first ones I tried all did, thinking breaking down my defenses was essential to healing.

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Kizzie

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #36 on: September 09, 2018, 06:09:56 PM »
Tks everyone, I am a little nervous still to try the actual EMDR but hopeful too.

My T  is definitely working with me WG, and that right there is big for me in terms of trust and confidence.  Through her probing thus far I can see that I have made a lot of progress as I did not feel the welling up of tears and deep aching in my heart that I used to when talking about my trauma. That tells me younger me is tired of being angry and hurt and wants to do something about all that.  I used to feel her recoil, kick up a fuss and then run deep to hide when anyone including T's would get too close. I know she's anxious but seems to trust adult me (and the T), so very glad I did all that Inner Child work prior to this.  Hopefully this will get us unstuck from DT's daily triggering  :yes:

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Luke57

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #37 on: September 09, 2018, 10:27:00 PM »
DT is a narcissistic idiot who is triggering people all over the world. So you know you're not alone, Kizzie. That's what N do best, (or about all they do well), is make others miserable while making themselves look like fools. That's my opinion.

I once had a N M who tormented me for years until I went NC. That's kind of how I deal with DT I try not to pay any attention to his silly rantings and ravings. His time will be up soon. The Universe has survived a lot of other power hungry N and it will survive this one, too.

Having said that, I'm sorry you're being triggered by all that nonsense. I can feel you and I'm right there with you. The important thing is the work you're doing to heal you and your younger self. Sounds like you're making a lot of progress and feeling good about that. I love to hear that. With enough hurting people moving forward towards healing, the world will heal itself.

Keep up the good work for yourself and OOTS. You're making a difference in the world in many ways.

Luke

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Elphanigh

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #38 on: September 11, 2018, 04:04:45 PM »
I am so glad things seem to be going well for you both.  :hug: I wish I had the capacity to respond more directly, but I will eventually. Just stopping in to wish you well and to write some more on EMDR.

I was reminded last night just how powerful this stuff can be. It has always been powerful, but not every session is the same sort of big emotional thing. Especially not after having done emdr for  year. We got to the meatier bit of the new emdr method I am doing and it was beyond powerful for me. I will be feeling the affects for a few days I think. I was reminded that having down time scheduled in, and self care things readily available for a few days after sessions can be a really important thing at first. This reminder was a good one for me and I thought maybe a good thing to share here as well, for those of us doing emdr.

I will try to post more fully, but I need it to be concise on this board. I wrote in my journal as a way to just get a bunch out. Don't want to do that on this one since it is more focused emdr wise. So maybe in the future. Anyways just stopping by. Thanks for letting me ramble a little

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Kizzie

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #39 on: September 11, 2018, 04:51:24 PM »
Tks Luke for your supportive post.  I suspect that until DT passes away we are stuck with him as he will not go quietly into the night even after he is gone. He need attention, that's what he does and as an exPres he can get it.  Once he's out of power hopefully the media will cease & desist covering his every little N utterances and chaos sowing and I and others can distance ourselves.  Right now he just blots out the sun. 

BTW, my T shared with me that her F has NPD so she is well aware of how triggering DT is.  That makes me even more confident she knows what I am dealing with and that EMDR can help shift my childhood belief  I do not matter and the hurt, powerlessness & hopelessness that raises in younger me.   

Glad to hear you are making progress Elph  :thumbup:

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Luke57

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #40 on: September 11, 2018, 10:46:10 PM »
Hi Kizzie,

You're right! I'm sure DT won't go quietly. Bummer.  :blink:
I think that was my angry, rebellious teenager who wrote the first two paragraphs of my post about DT. Though I stand behind the thoughts expressed, it could've been done a little less angrily. Then, thankfully, my grownup self took over on the last two paragraphs and meant every word of it.  :yes:
I'm sorry you're hurting from the childhood belief that you don't matter. That's my main core belief that still tortures me, also. It's very painful. So, I'm with you in hoping EMDR can help you gain a new sense of yourself that's positive and more in line with the truth.

Luke

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Kizzie

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #41 on: September 12, 2018, 05:04:41 AM »
 :hug:

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sanmagic7

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #42 on: September 14, 2018, 01:58:32 AM »
kizzie, i'm glad that therapy and your t are seemingly a fit for you this time.  also glad your little you's are a bit stronger this time around. 

i don't blame you for the nervousness.  in order to put a toe into the eye movement part, you might ask if you can try it out on something very small, or as a means of relaxation, something like that.  something relatively non-threatening for you.  i'd hope your t will help you find what you need to break the ice for yourself.  but, i'm really glad you feel pretty safe with her.

i agree, i think it helps that she recognizes what npd is all about (many t's don't really have a clue) - i think it will help a lot.

all credit to you, kizzie, for jumping in again.  pretty brave and determined are you.   love and hugs.

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Kizzie

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #43 on: September 14, 2018, 06:16:15 PM »
So I had my first actual EMDR session yesterday and am happy to report it went well - no EF during or after, just a headache and really tired.  I came home and slept for 3 hrs!  :zzz: 

I was able to get right into the anger and hurt of feeling like I don't matter because my FOO is rife with NPD, and that tells me I'm ready to deal with it, process it and shift out of it (versus blocking it or dissociating I mean).   

I really hope this helps me to get unstuck from Trump's constant triggering so I can start moving forward again.  So far so good.  :yes:

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Elphanigh

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Re: Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again
« Reply #44 on: September 14, 2018, 06:48:38 PM »
Yay! That is so great to hear Kizzie  :cheer: Also great job on taking the time to sleep.