New Member

[timetakesmymind]

Hi,

In the middle of a really hard time making decisions to be NC with a mother with severe mental and physical health issues. Leaning very heavily on friends right now and feeling irrational fear of abandonment with my partner. Reading the posts have been helpful for calming me down as I've been awake for the last hour trying to gain control of my panic. I am so grateful I can relate to the dilemmas people face and hope to contribute in the healing for everyone.

[Three Roses]

Hi there! 

[Luke57]

Hi timetakesmymind,

Welcome. I'm sorry to hear you're having to deal with such difficult decisions and fears. I've found this is a great place to find unconditional love, acceptance and understanding. Sending you positive thoughts and hoping you find all you need here.

Luke

[milk]

Hello timetakesmymind,

I am glad you found some calm here. Welcome.

I don’t know what its like to be in your shoes — yet I have gone through NC with a family member. It felt emotionally confusing in the beginning, I let go of the thoughts and trusted the actions — after some time  I became aware of my thoughts (the narrative) about our relationship and I let it go. Instead I focused on the kind of connection I wanted to have (the here and now), questioned (in my mind) if it was possible, and when I was ready, I acted on the decision (clear boundaries in place). Just making the decision was a relief.

I feel irrational fears of abandonment from a partner, too; the feelings come and go. Noticing the feelings helps, it is personal and has nothing to do with my partner — I take care until it goes.

sending positive thoughts your way

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi time takes my mind
I understand.. I went nc with my m 10 yrs ago.. Painful and I did some grieving but I moved through it fairly quickly and felt big relief from the off.. Not being 'in that madness anymore and being free to heal was a gift I gave myself and a birth rite.
I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sounds like you have good awareness re abandonment fears re your partner..
Your safe and when the panic takes hold the nervous system regulation breath helps me : breathe for 4 nose /hold for 6 and out for.7 mouth