Loneliness and Recovery

Started by Jazzy, October 13, 2018, 12:40:24 AM

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Jazzy

Just wondering how you all deal with loneliness, and maybe looking for some new ideas for recovery.

I've had a hard time socializing lately. Everything/everyone seems to be really disconnected to me lately. It's really difficult as a big part of me wants to just be alone so I don't have to deal with all the trouble of social interaction, but I find myself lonely at the same time. Feels like a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing.

I'm not in the best spot right now, but I have been in worse for sure. The thing is, I can't really say why. It feels like my emotional state is really out of my control. No matter how hard I try, or how many "right things" I do, it doesn't seem to matter... it's like there's something else I'm ignorant of which makes the difference. Which, brings up the question of how do I improve again/continue to improve when I don't understand how? Hopefully someone will have some insight.

Kalmer

Hi Jazzy,

In my experience when I spend a lot of time alone, I usually end up feeling worse emotionally. If I reach out/socialise, then it's like taking a chance that it will get better. Most of the time, if I'm honest, I feel better after meeting up with a friend although I might feel tired after.

Blueberry

Quote from: Jazzy on October 13, 2018, 12:40:24 AM
It feels like my emotional state is really out of my control. No matter how hard I try, or how many "right things" I do, it doesn't seem to matter... it's like there's something else I'm ignorant of which makes the difference.

Are you maybe in a longish-term EF? I find EFs can be full-on for a shortish time (few days, weeks maybe) or less extreme but going on for weeks and months. Before I was in trauma-informed T, counsellors, Ts, docs used to ask me how I'd got out of the previous bad phase. I didn't know, it "just happened". They'd counter with "but you must have some idea." I didn't. My current trauma-informed T said it's quite possible to feel that way though I am getting better at figuring out what might help me in the here-and-now. afaik there's no one thing that helps all the time.


Quote from: Jazzy on October 13, 2018, 12:40:24 AM
I've had a hard time socializing lately. Everything/everyone seems to be really disconnected to me lately. It's really difficult as a big part of me wants to just be alone so I don't have to deal with all the trouble of social interaction, but I find myself lonely at the same time. ..

Recently I discovered that I'd been labelling a feeling as 'loneliness' that was actually emotional pain. It doesn't mean that that is what you are experiencing, of course. I'm having a hard time being with people atm unless there's some sort of agenda and not just socialising. Sometimes the part that doesn't want to do something has a good reason for it. If you've worked with Inner Children or other inner parts you might be able to find what this part needs in order to feel safe.

I used to force myself to go among people, i no longer do, after I once blew a fuse. An inner part went haywire, openly, oops.

Feeling disconnected could also mean you're experiencing one of depersonalisation, dissociation, derealisation.


Jazzy

Thanks everyone, there are some good points raised here. Giving this some thought, it does seem to be an EF, but not in the way I'm used to. What I previously identified as an EF was more intense, short-term, and based on a different underlying emotion/founding circumstance. With that said, I don't see any reason why EFs would be limited to just one type. It certainly fits. I can remember feeling like this as a child, and I know why too... I hope things will get better soon-ish.