[TW: SH] Discovering Sexual alter & motivations; what now?

  • 5 Replies
  • 138 Views
*

ws0116

  • Member
  • 5
    • View Profile
[TW: SH] Discovering Sexual alter & motivations; what now?
« on: October 28, 2018, 10:25:46 AM »
Hi all,

Im not sure if Im posting this in the right forum and using the trigger warning alright.. So any feedback is welcome really. Im kind of on the beginning of the road of exploring my diagnosis (DDNOS) with my therapist, and could kind of use support and other views >.<

The past few months I have been in this discussion with an alter (?) whether to come out and I think and hope this might be the time. As we both are looking for ways to release tension and ways of expression.

What I know about this alter is that it is a younger version of me, roughly around 19 years old. Wanting to get out of the pattern of taking care of everyone but feeling really stuck. The only outlet it has found was having anonymous sex with older men. Hearing his body was alright and he was an okay person reinforced this.

This pattern of taking care started with shifting the relationship with his parents to one where we would take of them and of our younger brother. Which slowly started to bleed out to our friends, also taking care of them emotionally.

My guess here is that someone in our system was really emphasizing on fixing everyone, this teen-alter grew tired of it and looked for escapes. It would explain a lot of lying to our parents about our whereabouts and the various discrepancies in behavior.

However, now at the age of 25, we have encountered some therapists and quite a lot of men. Also had quite some financial difficulties and still switching between "doing what's right", "go out and do whatever" and "stay in bed".

Last night however it seemed me and the teen alter had an interaction on this. As we were again encountering financial difficulties and him not being able to "go out and have fun". It seemed as if he recognized the body was tired, and it seemed as he wanted to show that he was lonely and sad through memories popping up. There was also this anger running through our body about these feelings and not being heard.

Also there was this vision of a much smaller version of me pulling at the hand of the teen-alter's hand, begging him not to go out and have another date that night.



So.. A lot of emotions. And still quite not knowing what to do without an alternative activity for the teen-alter. Does anyone have any info on substituting (potentially) harmful behavior. And like what would be the next step in doing such discoveries?

*

Three Roses

  • Member
  • 1542
  • CPTSD is an injury, not an illness.
    • View Profile
Re: [TW: SH] Discovering Sexual alter & motivations; what now?
« Reply #1 on: October 28, 2018, 03:36:05 PM »
Hi - I don't have any insight for you but I wanted to at least give you my encouragement.
 :heythere:

*

ws0116

  • Member
  • 5
    • View Profile
Re: [TW: SH] Discovering Sexual alter & motivations; what now?
« Reply #2 on: October 28, 2018, 08:38:41 PM »
Thank you Three roses <3 Coming to this forum and slowly starting talking about topics like these still feel quite unfamiliar. But having seen this is a lovely environment with people sharing stories and support, makes it somewhat more bearable. Your encouragement really adds onto this, so really.. thank you !

*

Boy22

  • Member
  • 143
    • View Profile
Re: [TW: SH] Discovering Sexual alter & motivations; what now?
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2018, 01:52:29 AM »
Firstly I am assuming you are gay, if I am wrong it is because of my own biases and I apologise.

Your teen alter, I am wondering if by seeking older men he is wanting to be desired, to feel a sense of a secure anchor in the older man?

My therapist and I are working not on displacing the desires of the youger parts of me but instead hearing, caring and supporting them to trust that the adult me can make the right choices now and trying to reassure them it will all be good.

*

milk

  • Member
  • 66
    • View Profile
Re: [TW: SH] Discovering Sexual alter & motivations; what now?
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2018, 05:19:11 AM »
I have some suggestions based on my own experiences of working through issues with sex and intimacy after sexual assault. Let me gather my thoughts on this. I will get back to you.

Being aware of the (potentially) harmful behaviors and how it affects others (little you) is a way forward, towards change  :hug:
« Last Edit: November 07, 2018, 06:46:21 AM by milk »

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 6215
    • View Profile
Re: [TW: SH] Discovering Sexual alter & motivations; what now?
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2018, 07:33:19 PM »
My therapist and I are working not on displacing the desires of the youger parts of me but instead hearing, caring and supporting them to trust that the adult me can make the right choices now and trying to reassure them it will all be good.

Hey WS0116, as Boy22 suggests I found working with my different parts in a compassionate, caring and supportive way helped me a lot. One book that I know one member here found really helpful you might want to look into is "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors" by Janina Fisher.  There are also some books for working with the Inner Child on our "Books" page - http://www.outofthestorm.website/books-1/ that might be helpful.