Abused?? Me?? Finally seeing the true reality of my family

Started by Lricord, November 04, 2018, 08:39:33 AM

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Lricord

It's only been a few years since starting to realize that so many of my issues originated from my so called "functional" family. I was taught by my narcissistic mother that any problems within it were from my bad behavior. My older sister is also narcissistic and literally scares the crap out of me. I really feel she's very dangerous and has proven what a threat she is to me. Her seething jealousy of me has been there since I was born. When she feels threatened and looses control of someone she sets out to destroy them. She did have total control of my life but I got it back 4 years ago and yet she is still obsessed with me.

I seem to attract a lot of toxic people. The one person in this town I thought was a real friend did a total discard last month. She has BPD and I should have seen it coming. My best friend lives in a neighboring state but am seeing how she tries to manipulate and control me. Their are 32 messages since last night on my machine and most are from her because I wouldn't pick up the phone today. I went on face book and she had messaged "how is the car---answer the phone!!!"

I feel fortunate to have found this site. Did some lurking through posts today and it does seem like you are a community here. Didn't realize till then it's what I've been looking for. I have never felt safe since moving here. Fear over shadows my very existence. I'm 63 and have never known who I really am. I have a lot of dissociation problems. Must be codependent as I'm a people pleaser who takes too much care of others while ignoring myself plus I'm a recovering alcoholic. Proud to say I have 11 1/2 years sober and want to keep them so tackling the core issues is my priority now My mother and sister started their smear campaign before moving me here. I have no validation of what I have lived through. Much of their campaign has been to discredit anything I might say. I was dx'd with bipolar 1 before moving here and they say I'm delusional if I speak the truth. I've only been delusional a few times many years ago and have never heard of a 15 year long delusion that never changes it's story. I did go through 4 years of therapy plus 2 years in a trauma group. The state put out new guidelines and I no longer meet the criteria to get therapy.

I have started writing the book I've felt has been in me for several years but thought I needed the ending before writing it. Life is an ongoing journey and if you wait for an ending you won't be here to write it. I've written a lot of short stories, some have been published but heading in to new territory with this.

Well the post is getting a bit long. Tend to get writing but can't stop typing. Maybe need to check out that longer post section at times.


Eyessoblue

Hi, I felt I could relate to what you're saying. I've had very repressed memories and although aware I ve suffered a lot of abuse and raised by alcoholic narsacists I've just battled on knowing how different I am to everyone else. It was only 3 years ago when I suffered with insomnia and flashbacks to my childhood did I get the cptsd diagnosis and then everything started to slot into place and I was able to realise why I was like I was etc and huge family realisations where I would be the one protecting my mum but never got that protection or any love back. Been doing loads of therapy on and off and a lot of self help work on myself which has been really difficult. Now in a strange relationship with my mum, going through I can't forgive you stage and quite resentful towards her, I hate this feeling as we are both obviously older adults now and I know I should be able to move on but I can't, I'm doing emdr that's quite helpful at times but triggering at other times. I've always thought I was bipolar but have had the assessment and they said no as I ticked every box except 2, yet me dad and his parents both were so I know I definitely have traits of it. I too am in the process of writing a self help book I find journaling really helpful for me and if I can help others too then all the better!! This site is amazing and has helped me loads and I'm sure it will do you as well.

Kizzie

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Lricord  :heythere:  Congrats on 11-1/2 yrs sober AND for taking back your life from your S 4 yrs ago   :applause: 

QuoteMy mother and sister started their smear campaign before moving me here. I have no validation of what I have lived through. Much of their campaign has been to discredit anything I might say. I was dx'd with bipolar 1 before moving here and they say I'm delusional if I speak the truth. I've only been delusional a few times many years ago and have never heard of a 15 year long delusion that never changes it's story.

It certainly sounds like you know who has the problem although I know that doesn't make living with smear campaigns and such any easier. If you haven't been to our sister site Out of the Fog yet, you might want to stop by as there's lots of great info there about how to deal with that kind of behaviour.  I t helped me enormously.  I was able to go no/low contact with my family and then use the energy I generally had to expend on them to deal with the Complex PTSD they gifted me with.

I hope you find OOTS helpful, members here are pretty supportive and they get it when you talk about some of the things that come along with CPTSD that others don't understand.