Trouble with crying?

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LittleBirdy

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Trouble with crying?
« on: December 01, 2018, 04:43:43 AM »
I donít cry easily, and I get really uncomfortable when other people cry, I just donít know what to do. I try to be comforting but in my mind I hope theyíll stop because I feel that uncomfortable by it.  Also I hate it when people see me cry, I feel uncomfortable and I have shooed people away because I canít calm myself down unless Iím alone. I donít even know whatís normal, I wish I could just let it all out like other people can you know?

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Wattlebird

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Re: Trouble with crying?
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2018, 05:40:23 AM »
I totally relate, I really don't understand how people can be so open with there emotions either.

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Deep Blue

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Re: Trouble with crying?
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2018, 02:18:25 AM »
I canít cry. I feel sad but the tears just donít come.  I think it goes back to my abuse.  I wasnít suposed to show emotion then, and I struggle with it now.

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LylaMoshi

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Re: Trouble with crying?
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2018, 08:57:42 PM »
I feel you, @LittleBirdy. Hope you're okay.

I've struggled as long as I can remember to feel my emotions, whether it's sadness or anger. I also have trouble naming what's causing me to feel bad, which sucks >.>

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woodsgnome

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Re: Trouble with crying?
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2018, 02:53:37 AM »
I learned early that showing any emotion was extremely dangerous, as it could provoke surprisingly harsh, critical, and even punitive reactions from those who'd call me weak, phony, or worse for allowing my feelings to show, especially tears ("I'll give you something to cry about", etc."). But even laughter, smiles, or other happy emotions could bring harsh and unfair rebukes as well ("wipe that smirk off...").

So I learned to hold it in, and felt utterly miserable, disapproved. and scared to ever show any feelings at all. Finally, a few years ago, I was in a group workshop setting and something set off a gusher of tears that I didn't think would ever stop. But I was in a completely safe setting, and that helped. As did the crying itself -- it was so good to get so much out that evening.

Which is not to say that it switched my emotional reactions around. There's still an uneasiness that usually prevents me from fully showing what's inside. Again, unless I'm feeling totally safe, and that's extremely rare in most settings.

My final observation is to agree that yes, it can be a good thing to get it out, so to speak, but it's never easy; however I'm so relieved to have at least had those couple moments someplace where I was safe enough to let my rigid self-control loose. Just that once (although it did happen again in therapy -- again within a safe enough place). Having experienced some release, though, has carried over to private times at home, a different sort of animal but also capable of taming the dragon a wee bit. And again, it happens only within the safe space of home.

Best wishes  :hug: 
« Last Edit: December 04, 2018, 04:28:37 AM by woodsgnome »