Disability : I really need advice or any kind of help

  • 5 Replies
  • 113 Views
*

Anem

  • Member
  • 8
    • View Profile
Disability : I really need advice or any kind of help
« on: December 03, 2018, 09:27:56 AM »
I'm homeless in the UK. I'm born and raised in Italy. All my life has been sufferance even I enjoyed the small things. I also had a long travel and lot of volunteering to try to escape my family of origin (FOO).


To escape the domestic violence, I left the country. (I'm trying to make it simple, the story is much longer and like a lot of things brought one situation than brought another and so on).


My country works in a similar way than UK regarding local connections. Basically, I get help in the town I'm originally from, can't move. In order to move I'd have to live in a home/friend with spare room for 3 months or so. I don't have any friends and can't afford rent (literally). So I'd have to stay in the areas where my parents live, and everybody know everyone in that Italian style community.


I couldn't get help elsewhere, so due to my story as well, I'm in the UK now. Due to much more stuff, I'm homeless and it is better than volunteering to survive. I sell the big issue to pay for food and sleep in shelters mainly populated by drug addicted homelesses.



Of course I don't get any help from the UK/council because I'm foreign. I'm not eligible at all since I've not been working and lived enough in the UK. I have to find a job and pay rent and so on (a charity would pay the first month), but I'm also realizing new things now... I'm successful at interviews and I've potential and all but....


I don't feel like I'd been able to work constantly with my CPTSD. I read a lot on the Internet and even if you don't know me I've read a lot of post here. Disability has been a concept that always scared me due to what I lived in my childhood. But now I think is actually the key to allow recovery in the first place.


Some of you have the help we all deserve in your countries, I'd really like to have it too. Unfortunately, I think I need some help. I'll be doing all I can (just an example: I'm now trying to find persons to help me to find the words to speak to the services I can speak).


I also need advice. If you know something useful, or you want to tell me something, or can sometimes search the Internet, it'd be all very helpful.



I cannot get help from the UK and I'd have to work and practically suffer several more years before starting a decent recover I think. I'm tired of it, it is not fair and it is not the life I want. From Italy I could BUT, my brother gets just EUR 200 monthly, he is considered "fine", he stays in touch with my father (who pays his bills) while being confused at the same time and is in a very bad situation! Why? Words, I think, and inability to get the help he deserves. I don't want that, that's one of the reason I'm trying to speak here (please be patient though, I find participating in a forum very difficult).



In addition, I have to somehow find a way to get disability and live away from my FOO. I don't know how to do this and I've to figure out a way to do it in order to stop my humiliating life. I want and need to live away from my FOO and get the help I deserve somewhere, anywhere, as soon I can (hopefully, soon, I can't live like this anymore).



Thanks for reading my post, please feel free to write what you think, anything you want to say could be very helpful to help my situation.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2018, 09:29:37 AM by Anem »

*

milk

  • Member
  • 104
    • View Profile
Re: Disability : I really need advice or any kind of help
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2018, 03:48:42 AM »
Anem, is there a hotline you can call to get support? You mentioned needing financial help and struggling with your mental wellness - its a lot to try to fix in one go. Knowing some stability will help to further you along your path, especially when you decide to work on your wellness with a healthcare professional. Trading work for accommodations may be an option.

The term disability is a legal term used to describe citizens who are unable/have a limited contribution to the economy, it is used purely for economic reasons (number crunching) - this word has nothing to do with mental wellness. If you can, try to let the word go and focus on what you really need to recover your life.

Take care sending positive thoughts your way.

*

Anem

  • Member
  • 8
    • View Profile
Re: Disability : I really need advice or any kind of help
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2018, 09:56:57 AM »
I'll reply to the first paragraph first. UK has been for me the "country of hotlines". It has been such a cool thing that has been introduced in my life! Like if I somehow came from "third to first world". I "invested" (that's what it looked like) GBP 10 in a pay to go SIM card and could call all the freephones (hotlines)! Those are the money I raised in many hours selling newspapers. (I'm trying to make you understand how much ridiculous is my life guys, and that I want to stop it/change it and get the basic kind of life you can all have, it is both funny and sad what happened).



There isn't such a concept as hotline in Italy. There are some but they focus on women or children. I have got help from hotlines here in UK but I fear there's no helpline who could help me with this. As I said I'm not eligible for help in UK. There isn't any hotline in Italy who could give me advice. Stability is a right I really never had, and I'm here now to don't accept any compromises anymore with my rights.


Trading work for accommodation may be an option if it hasn't to be a traumatic experience which can be compared to be a slave, because that's more or less how it feels. It exhausts me, not really much different from what some of you experience/d. In addition, I've to always stay isolated in order to don't dissociate/suffer. Of course it can improve, it needs time, and you said it, stability (rather than work in such a condition). It'd be the same than force someone without legs to run a marathon. (Just the one without legs doesn't have problem with toxic shame and s/he realized s/he must get help and nobody would be able to say he can run, abusers excluded).


In short, I volunteered for so long and it didn't work well. There is also the problem of bullism and abuse I'd encounter. I'm a freeze type, by the way. I suffered 20 long years, I want to have the stability and freedom in order to reach my potential. I was one of the most clever students of the classroom even though everyone (but a few teachers) disliked me. I think I deserve more, I think I've to get back the throne I never had but was supposed to be mine: my life.


An home, financial stability and all the proper help I need and deserve would led to a decent and good life. Basically, the same things every children with "decent" ( = who aren't psych criminals)  parents get! I don't say I want to be children again, but I need the stability and protection I never had. One step at I time I plan to be an individual able to work "normally", possibly as independent as possible to respect my freeze type needs.


I see what you mean with the term disability. But it is also a word that represent the stability and all the basic things I've never had. Googling disability site:cptsd.org some threads confirm what I think about it. Without that kind of support, my life would be a misery.  What I need to recover is the injury I had caused by the trauma, and that injury won't even start to heal without disability help. In other words it's like a inner children that says "hey, it really happened".


Mental wellness is one part of health together with physical and spiritual health, I think. All of them require things that I'm trying to get with the help that is given to citizen who are unable to contribute to the economy. Even injured animals get more help than me at the moment, and most of them had better parents. Having good parents is not luck, it is a normality that has to be respected and I don't want to suffer anymore because of that.


I accept the injury, but not the hardness I'd have to go through without the disability help. I'm sorry to have made it long, do you guys understand what I mean? Please let me read your opinions.


Last but not least, thank you for your reply milk, it's nice to be listened and not left alone. In other words, it was nice to read it. 
« Last Edit: December 04, 2018, 10:14:45 AM by Anem »

*

sanmagic7

  • Member
  • 5312
    • View Profile
Re: Disability : I really need advice or any kind of help
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2018, 04:01:24 AM »
since i live in the u.s., i'm afraid i can't help you with any practical suggestions.  i just want you to know that i hear you, am sending love and a hug full of good things to help you get what you need, if that's ok.

*

the mirliton

  • Member
  • 42
    • View Profile
Re: Disability : I really need advice or any kind of help
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2018, 05:20:25 AM »
Hello Anem,
I do not post often, however frequently visit OOTS as I find comfort, wisdom and a feeling of being understood with the challenges I face when it seems that "triggers" are waiting for me at every corner along my path. I wanted to take a moment to cheer you on! One foot in front of the other, step by step you are walking AWAY from the muck that you know has not been a life that was worth investing all of your precious spirit and time on. "They" say that solutions and help come to us when we open ourselves and trust in the process. The problem I  :thumbup:find with that line of thinking is that, (and I am speaking from my own experiences) it is hard to visualize anything other than pain and distrust. You deserve a life worth living and it is so brave of you to go forth to find it! I am just now realizing that I can believe in mySELF and not leave my peace of mind and well-being up to anyone else. I will be zooming confident thoughts to you that life will begin to provide stepping stones to help you with your journey out of the muck.

*

Anem

  • Member
  • 8
    • View Profile
Re: Disability : I really need advice or any kind of help
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2018, 06:10:04 PM »
I have read all your replies with a lot of conflicted thoughts guys.
I'm making a lot of considerations now, I will need some time to think.
I'd like to thank you mirliton, sanmagic7 and milk for your replies.