Talking to myself...out loud

[Snookiebookie]

Hi

I'm mid forties, and for as long as I can remember I've talked out loud to myself. 

It's becoming a problem, as quite a few times, people have caught me.  However, I'm usually very animated or angry, so it looks like I'm crazy.

It varies from talking myself through a task to ruminating, to full on arguing with someone who isn't there, to me telling/reliving events as if there's someone listening. 

I don't mind when I do it when I'm alone at home. But I'm so unaware of doing it, that I have found myself doing at work or in the street. 

It often generates emotions, so I can cry, raise my voice or gesture with my hands.

I think I do it because I don't feel listened to.  Also because I feel lonely. And because I feel powerless. This is how I justify myself. This is how I win the arguement. This is how I understand the world. It's where I formulate my point of view. It's a coping strategy.

Like I say, it's happening more frequently and I'm so used to doing it that I'm doing it and people are catching me. This is so embarrassing when it's someone who knows me.

So how to stop it? How do I cut down on doing it?  What do I do instead, in its place? I'm conscious that it's serving some kind of purpose, so I'd like to have some tactic to put in its place.

Anyone else relate?

Any ideas.

Thanks x

[Three Roses]

I talk to myself too, but I don't usually cry or get emotional. This sounds like you are trying to work things out for yourself, I mean as in processing information, or like you say because you don't feel listened to.

If you are near pen and paper, you could try writing your thoughts out, or use your phone or tablet to make notes. But I think if you're upset, the physical act of writing out your thoughts might be satisfying.

I hope that's helpful to you, maybe someone else will have some ideas too. Best of luck! 

[Rainagain]

I do this too.

It is embarrassing and alarms others.

I've found it becomes less of a problem if I avoid alcohol and avoid social situations.

If I try to maintain a quiet steady isolated existence it helps, to me that indicates it is some sort of pressure release or overload symptom.

That's not a help for you snookie as you work and have family commitments, but I wanted to say I share the issue.

[Kizzie]

Snookie, are you comfortable enough to sometimes talk to others about what you're saying to yourself? 

[dutchierich]

Snookie, I do this all the time! I talk to myself like a crazy person, gesture, have fits of anger, cry, all the stuff that you mention. My trick that I use to make it stop is to 1) realize that I'm doing it, 2) demand that the talking stop! and take a deep belly breath, 3) ask myself, what am I really upset about? This fake argument with the fake person in my head? Then I think oh, I'm actually stressed out about x, y, or z. Then I can focus on dealing with the stressor rather than just experiencing the symptoms. With CPTSD, we are full of stress all the time. Thankfully, therapy has relieved some of it, so I have a little wiggle room when stressors arise. But sometimes they are too much, and the symptoms start again, one of which is muttering and arguing with people who aren't in the room. Yuck, it's awful, but I think if you're cognizant of it then you can overcome it.

[sj]

hello snookiebookie

I also completely relate, and while it's sad why we all do it, I do feel that little bit of relief that this seems a bit of a common behaviour strategy..... though also feel for you that it is happening in your workplace - I can understand how vulnerable that could make you feel

I generally don't talk very loud - either silent mouthing of words or speak in a quiet voice, though occasionally I'll exclaim a word or phrase quite loudly,  or suddenly laugh out loud... I can get very passionate, expressive and demonstrative with facial expressions and gesticulations - I'm a hand talker anyway, but it can get quite emphatic

so far I've only been 'caught' in public on a few occasions (that I know of! ), but that was definitely quite embarrassing....  and I've caught myself in places like my car while sitting at lights and realised that I must look totally mad, though in the car people might think I've been enthusiastically singing along to music 

anyway, I have tried, when I catch myself, to feel into what is the emotion is at a more core level.... for me it always revolves around feeling the denial of my dignity, respect and validation, not having a voice and not feeling worthy ... it's as if I am fighting for all of those things, fighting my own corner for my dignity and trying to stand up for myself - that's what I know I am working through, in place of the many times I was unable to .... as much as I am able, I then try to allow that feeling of being dismissed and demeaned to just exist without judgement and without the commentary, then I try to do positive self-talk about how i'm ok and worthy just as I am, I'm safe, I don't need to prove anything to anyone else ... I breathe into it and do some other little techniques to try and ground and calm myself and unhook from the mental aspects .... I also try to tell myself that 'even if someone does see me looking crazy, so what? what harm has been done?', and the answer is always -'none'  , so then I can sometimes feel some sense of humour in it....   the focus is really on calming and comforting myself, cause what I'm really doing in the 'raving' is defending and fighting for myself, so I work to introduce an attitude about myself that feels safe enough not to need to fight .... of course, it is often not easy.... and I still do the crazy talk, but getting better at antidoting

not sure I've explained that very well, but I really have to call on a range of tools that I've found work for me

[LilyITV]

I also talk to myself.  Is this just a thing folks with C-PTSD do or do other folks do it as well? 

I never really gave it much thought.  I am a silent talker/mouther when people are around.  I did get caught once, and I tried to be more careful after that. 

It is really interesting reading about the reasons why we do this and it makes total sense. 

[Rainagain]

I don't think it is a widely recognized cptsd thing, I was dismissed by a psych when I mentioned it.

But it has cost me important relationships, it is so clearly a bit bonkers I guess.

Alarming to others and very dispiriting at times to me.

[sigiriuk]

But it has cost me important relationships, it is so clearly a bit bonkers I guess.

Alarming to others and very dispiriting at times to me.

I do dissociate, and that is alarmimg to others. I don't know how to stop, but no, it isnt bonkers to me anymore. It's a sort of freedom to express myself!

[Maximo]

I don think there's much to be ashamed of except for the dorky look of one talking alone. I do it from time to time and I see it as self company, its just my own train of thought out loud, just like a baby or a child sings to himself for comfort. Sort of a stress relief. If others feel disturbed about it it's more of their own issues, I think. A sign of being stressed, possibly, of being a lunatic of sorts, no.