Let's hear it for the music!

[Lifecrafting]

Seal = amazing.

[JohnnyBoy]

Runaway Train
Soul Asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same


Read more: Soul Asylum - Runaway Train Lyrics | MetroLyrics

[KayFly]

I cry every time I hear this song, mostly because the first time I heard it, I was watching Saturday Night Live, and saw this interpretive dance, which reminds me of my sister. I can't see or talk to my sister anymore, but this dance reminds me of the relationship with her I had. I wish sometimes I could reunite with her and hug her. 

Sia - Elastic Heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaqymceidB8

[woodsgnome]

A couple years back, I was desperately struggling with hope. What was hope? What do I hope for? How? Why even bother?
I had only 4 real friends anyway, and all 4 of them died within months of each other. They were the only friends I ever had who understood me, unconditionally. I was a hopeless wreck.

And then I ran into the song "Clouds" which is linked below.
Once I'd heard it, and looked into the story behind it, it didn't just make me feel better, it gave me a whole new perspective on hope. And the person who gave me that hope himself had died by the time I'd heard it.

The short story: 17-year-old Zach Sobiech knew he had just months to live (as it turned out, 5 mos after this song was recorded). His mother had suggested he write some farewell letters to family and friends. He tried, but had always loved music, and instead of letters he wrote songs. After a radio interview for a cancer fundraiser where he performed the song "Clouds", the radio station offered to help him record it in a professional studio. It had been written as a farewell to his family (the lady on the video is his mother Laura, and the lyric "you were holding a rope" refers to his gratitude for her help).

It was only meant for family, but someone suggested it be put on youtube, and then it ended up on itunes, but Zach insisted that any funds go to osteosarcoma research. Both the video and itunes single went viral, and stories poured in from people who'd also given up hope, but found a way back via this kid's song.

Okay, there's another song--"Fix Me Up"--posted below "Clouds". This was a song written with Zach's lifelong friend Sammy Brown. When they got older they would write lyrics together; "Fix Me Up" was their joint farewell, and it too was put on video, first for a benefit concert and then put on YouTube as well.

The circumstances hit me another way--I never had the obvious family love that shows up in the song and video. Of course I cringe at that but it also felt good that this kid had that, and his song gave hope to so many. Okay, enough of my words.

Clouds:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDC97j6lfyc

Fix Me Up:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvSYZHmhIAM

[Dutch Uncle]

Beautiful, woodsgnome.

Thanks for sharing  .

PS: My condolences for your devastating loss. That certainly was a hard blow, I can hardly fathom such a series of events.
I hope, wish and trust they have left you with a lot of heartwarming memories. May those return in abundance.

[Lifecrafting]

I can't say I know what having a true friend is about; I have been alone all my life. When I hear or read about the connection that someone has with another, I feel the tears coming. It hurts so much because I have no experience of friendship, of closeness ~ of having someone to go to with anything. Or someone to enjoy...
Having said that, my youngest sister died 4 yrs ago from a lifetime of drug/alcohol abuse; she was the closest I came to having someone near but she was never really there with me or for me. Still, I miss her...
So I can only imagine the feelings of loss of those you love. My heart goes out to you...
I know you say you spend much of your time alone; do you mind if I ask about your feelings/thoughts of creating new friendships?

Beautiful videos. The light in Zach's heart showed through his eyes, his beautiful face... I really like Fix Me Up.
Thank you for sharing woodsgnome.

Hope... In my opinion, hope is innately a part of us. I think we lose it over time through our sadness which evolves into feelings of despair that can create the inability to see what there is to be grateful for.
Not taking away from the very real grief that comes with acknowledging/feeling our experiences, gratitude I think, offers "grounding in the truth of life" and thereby a hopeful  new beginning in this moment... Thoughts anyone?

[Dutch Uncle]

Hope... In my opinion, hope is innately a part of us. I think we lose it over time through our sadness which evolves into feelings of despair that can create the inability to see what there is to be grateful for.
Gratitude, I think, offers "grounding in the truth of life" and thereby a hopeful  new beginning in this moment...
I know I sometimes present things in a way that is not easily understood; still I ask:
Any thoughts?

On Gratitude I have nothing to offer at the moment.
But I'd like to share a definition of Hope that someone from my "Humanistic Society" shared with me in a (by him) prepared 'walk' we had with a few members:
"Hope is active waiting" (paraphrased/translated)

A window opened on me. Until then I had viewed Hope as a passive thing. One (I) would just 'sit there' and "Hope for the best". But then it dawned on me: Hope is not passive, it's active. Yes, I'll wait (if need be), but in anticipation. Ready to 'strike' when the opportunity arises, so to speak.
And thus Hope fades only when one realizes the 'magic moment' has passed or will never come. Perhaps even when one realizes it could never have come.

Which opens new vistas for a new, different Hope. A new active waiting.

Hope as an activity.
Wow.
I'm still learning to live like that.

[woodsgnome]

Quick note about the hope as it relates to Zach's music...his sister kept a blog after he died.
https://sailingwiththeknight.wordpress.com/

In it, her second-to-last entry is titled "To Hope, Anyway." She'd had a hard time understanding what his hope had really involved. She wrote: "I thought that hope was easy, because Zach made it look that way. And I am only now realizing, through the lens of my own sadness, that hope is really a virtue." In other words, Zach just chose to have hope, not for a cure, but as Dutch Uncle calls it, an "active" hope.

Zach decided first, not to have surgery which would have left him in a vegetable-like state; because he wanted to live life, no matter his time frame...plus he told his mum that he wanted to be a friend to others with the songs; it was an "active" decision he lived each day. It wasn't a pull-it-in tough guy denial, he was actively choosing to have "hope, anyway."

Lifecrafting, you asked me this: "I know you say you spend much of your time alone; do you mind if I ask about your feelings/thoughts of creating new friendships?" I was lucky that my full/part-time career in acting brought me in touch with lots of people, despite my constant cptsd "freeze"-type people-fear. I had this talent, and it oddly rubbed straight up against one of my sorest wounded points--people.

One of my gigs involved putting together a small troupe for several years, and that's where all 4 of those friends came from...they learned to "love" me and I them, despite the fact I could never fully accept them when they expressed their affection. I'm still accepting them, and it's now alone, as they've all moved on. And I have no idea where/when/how I'll ever find friends like them again. Except for some solo stuff, I'm pretty much retired from that field. And so I just go along with the "hope, anyway" now planted via Zach's story.

Thanks, DU and Lifecrafting, for your observations. Sorry for the sidetrack, but wanted to clarify what some saw in the how/why of his last days. Now back to music...

 

[arpy1]

this is a really uplifting thread

those two songs of Zach's had me crying, sobbing, like i haven't in a long time. sort of unplugged me. don't know if i was grieving for  the baby, for my mum, for all the people who died in the year after we lost Lily Rose,  or for the lost, sad little girl that i found inside me this week, don't know. but i cried from my gut, for about half an hour and it helped. don't know what it helped, but it helped. so thanks for posting those, WsG.

and Zach  - to take death and craft it into a gift to give away. that keeps on giving. (i might look at his sister's blog when i can be certain of not flooding the keyboard.)

hope? i still like the definition that's somewhere in the bible (notwithstanding my current crisis of faith/belief whatever) i think it literally translates as 'hope is the making into substance of things not seen' 

kind of like  it's the hope itself that is substantial, rather than the thing hoped for. active waiting, yes.

[stillhere]

Woodsgnome, I want to echo condolences for your loss.  Four people -- the only people who could recognize who you are -- in a short time! 

I think for those of us with CPTSD, understanding is such a precious thing.  To find someone who "gets it" and (presumably) doesn't judge or challenge or deny can be a kind of lifeline.  For me, the people who qualify have either met my NPD parent or have been interested enough to hear and accept my story.  I shudder to imagine losing them (they are few) in a matter of months.

I wish you peace.

[Kizzie]

Dutch is way ahead of me and has let me know the thread has reached the five page limit (tks Dutch!).

IAW our guidelines I will lock this one (otherwise they get way too long to read through).  Dutch has started a new one (Part 2_ so if you would just shift to that one, that would be great