annakoen's journal

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sanmagic7

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #150 on: August 11, 2018, 08:25:00 PM »
sending all the encouragement i can muster to keep going.  you're doing so well, anna - you deserve to be proud of you.  if it's my place, i'm proud of you as well.  love to see this for you.  love and hugs all over the place.
learn something from everything.

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annakoen

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #151 on: August 12, 2018, 11:07:00 AM »
Am I imagining this? Have I ever felt this good before? Is my ADHD just messing with me and is it just that I can't remember, or is this really helping? Am I gluten intolerant without knowing it??

I'm keeping a food log (+ how am I feeling log), so we'll know in 7 more weeks. I'm susceptible to placebo and confirmation bias. My husband suggested I keep it up for at least 8 weeks. "That should cancel out the placebo effect, because by then you'll hate quinoa" hahaha

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annakoen

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #152 on: August 12, 2018, 11:07:59 AM »
sending all the encouragement i can muster to keep going.  you're doing so well, anna - you deserve to be proud of you.  if it's my place, i'm proud of you as well.  love to see this for you.  love and hugs all over the place.

Thank you thank you San for your kind words  :hug:

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annakoen

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #153 on: August 12, 2018, 10:53:35 PM »
Oof, morning fatigue. So very very tired.

But, crucially, still not anxious!

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sanmagic7

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #154 on: August 13, 2018, 06:54:32 AM »
sounds like progress to me, sweetie.  keep up the good work.  sending love and a hug filled with encouragement and support.
learn something from everything.

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annakoen

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #155 on: August 13, 2018, 11:06:51 AM »
I think this may finally be the change my body has been waiting for. I'm writing down what I feel physically. And although I have aches and pains, mentally I'm feeling pretty good. Even had energy to clean the house a bit. And to cook calmly.

Google tells me I may have adrenal fatigue. It rings true to me. The morning tiredness especially. And the crash at 9pm followed by (if I can't sleep) a new peak at 11 which can keep me up until one.

I'm really hopeful, things are looking up! Haven't felt this way in a long time.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2018, 11:08:35 AM by annakoen »

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annakoen

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #156 on: August 13, 2018, 09:14:05 PM »
"Waking between 1 AM and 3 AM may indicate low blood sugar resulting from inadequate glycogen reserves in the liver, low adrenal function and cortisol, or both."

Well, there's something waking me up, that's for sure...

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annakoen

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #157 on: August 14, 2018, 02:28:14 AM »
Holy hell... I'm HAPPY

I'm singing. I'm listening to music.

I'm HAPPY!

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annakoen

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #158 on: August 14, 2018, 05:17:51 AM »
Blood tests: no abnormalities found.

I don't know how to feel about it yet. Part of me had hoped for an abnormality, really...

Have a new appointment with my doctor in two days. I'll be bringing a list of questions, so that I can't forget

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annakoen

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #159 on: August 14, 2018, 07:59:16 AM »
Right now, I'm mostly journaling about how I feel physically, but I'm considering this to be good progress.

I was very very very tired today. Turns out tiredness can be part of what is called "gluten withdrawal". I was also a teeny bit anxious, but I caught myself in time before I started ruminating. This morning was awesome, the afternoon isn't great. But looking at the global average of how I've been feeling the past week, I'm calling my experience with going gluten-free so far a success.

I'm expecting tiredness and nausea for the next two weeks or so. And probably hunger. I recognize these things from when I went abroad and my diet changed suddenly and radically. I was very hungry and for three weeks. Angry, also.... Oh well, we'll see. :)

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annakoen

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #160 on: August 16, 2018, 11:00:25 PM »
Tiredness hit me like a wall of bricks several times this week. I recognize symptoms of adrenal fatigue.

My doctor supports my dietary changes. Gluten free and sugar free. She knows I have generalized anxiety disorder and doesn't mind much, it seems. She suggested I make a follow up appointment in October. When I said that's what I wanted to ask her, to prevent anxious visits (I can tell myself to wait until October) she replied: exactly, that's what it's for.

My body has been waiting for this self care for a looong time... Could this be the change I needed to live a happier life?

More and more things fall in place: I can remember being anxious, tired, labile and cranky after various lunches. Gluten-filled ones.

I'm hopeful this will finally help me level out

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annakoen

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Re: annakoen's journal
« Reply #161 on: August 17, 2018, 05:53:52 AM »
I feel like I'm doing rather well today. I'm making sure I'm eating regularly and drinking enough. I'm not as focused as I'd like, but again: not anxious.

I'm a bit better at regulating my emotions and impulses today. Yesterday also.
My brother called yesterday, to let me know he's going to quit his job today. He's going to either travel or study. He hadn't decided yet.
I know what's going on with him: I quit my job last year. So, now he has to quit his job as well. He copies anything I do. The course he wants to follow: My major.
A part of me is pretty pissed off about this. But it's not banging-my-head-against-the-wall-angry. Also, part of me wants to tell him that he's copying me because deep down he hopes he'll finally feel loved if he does the same things I do. He only got negative attention as a kid, I got all the positive attention, but neither of us was supported. But I won't tell him. It's not my place. He has to figure out for himself who he is, what he wants and where he stands. I've been parentified enough in my childhood, I'm not picking up this glove.

I can't fix him. I'm not his therapist. Maybe he needs to indeed quit his job today and cut his lifelines. It'll either be a good experience for him, or he'll hit his head against the wall and maybe wake up.

Who am I kidding. He isn't going to change anytime soon...
I'm a little upset about that. And I'm rather proud that I can recognize (part of) how I feel about it. It's conflicting, but manageable, today.

Oh, also, last week when I had anxiety after drinking two cups of milk, I found myself crying and wishing to be comforted by my mother. I think that's some level of progress, too. To acknowledge that need, that was never met in childhood. I texted my mom to have our nails done together.