Why are weddings so triggering?

Started by Alice97, July 20, 2016, 01:12:29 PM

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Alice97

I'm going to be in my best friend's wedding in a few weeks, and there are a few other weddings I'll be going to this year. I was wondering, am I the only one who is finds weddings and wedding-related events to be extremely triggering? I always come home from them really depressed. If you do find weddings to be triggering, why do you think that is? I can't figure out why that would be.

Three Roses

I think maybe because it feels lonely to see people making such deep connections when we ourselves feel so unworthy of love? It's not weddings for me, but seeing others' social events can make me feel the same. I feel left out, excluded, the outsider. It's painful.

LookInside

I have had weddings on my mind lately.

I think we all have our own backstory for why we may be triggered by weddings or any other event really. It represents family and commitment and love and sometimes if we come from a place that is full of hurt, especially by loved ones, I could see how a wedding could be triggering. I have been thinking about marriage a lot lately because my partner and I are talking about being engaged, but I am so afraid of weddings because I am estranged from my family of origin...that I don't even want a wedding. I don't think I could handle the grief of having a wedding without any of my family.

So I can totally relate. I don't personally trust people going into this commitment and love. It's almost unreal to me because I come from such a broken home.

I would suggest if you have any like emotional flashbacks or triggers during the weddings, looking into Pete Walkers steps for handling emotional flashbacks for sure...recognition of the trigger itself can move us in a positive direction with our healing. I wish you the best.

Alice97

ThreeRoses and Lookinside - Thanks for your responses, they were very enlightening. I think it's true, ThreeRoses, that weddings are especially difficult because getting married is a time of celebration of family and deep connections - something I long for but haven't experienced. So yes, it is lonely when everyone is celebrating such a monumental moment in a couple's life.

Lookinside - I relate to what you said about being afraid of weddings. I've pretty much given up on the idea of getting married, and if I did, I probably would try to avoid having a big ceremony. Going to a courthouse and getting it over with sounds better to me. But yes, it would also be so hard to not have family there. And thanks for your suggestions for looking up Pete Walker's steps to handling EFs, I will definitely look into that as I will certainly have lots of flashbacks at this upcoming wedding.

Contessa

Wise words from all of you.

I have felt sad at weddings, but never triggered. I was triggered at the christening of one of my friends children for the same reason. One moment I was smiling like everyone else, then when her daughter cried I saw how she and her family  responded to comfort the her and the baby with cooing and tissues... the switch flicked and had to use all the strength I could muster to not burst into a fit myself.

Celebration of family and deep commitment indeed. Would love to be that one being celebrated one day. Maybe.