Dissociating all over the place since talking to Sis last night

[Wife#2]

Taking a deep breath and yes, slipping away again, just for a second. I'm distracted and having a hard time concentrating today.

I honestly don't know how I got son to school this morning. He and I chatted a lot and it was a good talk. Do I know NOW what was said? Snippits, but not much. Bits here, words there, not very coherent. I remember vital turns and looking at stop lights, thank God.

Once here, I've been floating in and out. It's taking me a while to type this, because between words, I drift. It was REAL fun during a meeting with the big boss and most of my coworkers. I was able to stay focused to catch important phrases and hold them. I even was able to ask a good question and make a good suggestion. I can even remember them now. But, the person I needed to share with after the meeting is not here yet. I hope I can remember long enough to tell HIM when he gets in!

It was a good phone call, but it stirred up a lot of history, some that predates me.

More proof that Mom is almost definitely uBPD/Narc. It's hard to deal with right now. Mom's been mentally ill since before I was born. What does that mean for me? I know now that my abandonment issues are even more real than I realized. I knew about her 'vacation' the summer she ran away. What I didn't know was that she left a letter behind, or that Dad read it to all the kids (I was a VERY small child when this happened). Of course, I'm too young to remember what it said, but Sis isn't. All she would say is that it left her sad and confused. I can only imagine what that did to Dad - there were 7 children in the home that summer. Almost half of us preschool age, but it was summer anyway.

Woops, just drifted again. Trying to use the act of typing to keep myself focused. I still have a job to do today! Wish me luck!

[Dee]

Good luck!  I've done an excellent job of faking my way through work in the past.  I always hate when I leave a conversation and I had no idea what it was about or what was said.  The fact that we can do this and fool people the way we do, is an sign of our strength.  I've done it since childhood.

[flookadelic]

I seem to have the gift of being able to repeat the last few words that someone spoke back at them when they think I'm not listening. Absolutely no idea about the rest, just the last few words. Without that gift, I'd be screwed. It's bad enough not remembering the content...I have no idea how we all get through some days. I try and lighten things by calling the lighter forms of dissociation "away with the fairies".

[Wife#2]

flookadelic, I love that! Away with the fairies briefly, will return as soon as possible....