Allie's Archives: a recovery journal

Started by alliematt, November 25, 2016, 05:09:03 PM

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alliematt

What's wrong with me?  I'm back to feeling overwhelmed and feeling like I can't put one more thing on my plate.  I'm coping by being in my PJs and spending too much time on the computer and TV . . . and I have work to do this afternoon.

Last night I took my son to a birthday party, which was good (his Bible study celebrated my son's 19th birthday!) and I hung out at Starbucks while waiting for him (also good!)  It was not until AFTER I picked up my son and took us home that I realized I'd left my purse at Starbucks . . . so I raced back and got there right before closing.  Purse was still there.  The Starbucks I was at was about 25 minutes away from home (down the street from where my son was).  So that was up, back, up, back, nearly TWO HOURS on the road total.

I was thirsty when I got home so I drank water and then stayed up for a while because I didn't want to go right to bed only to have to get up and go to the bathroom! 

So I stayed in bed a little bit later this morning . . . and I'm still in PJ's . . . and still haven't started work . . . and I'm thinking very seriously about dropping a few activities that I'd rather not drop, but I HAVE to get SOMETHING off the plate.  And I am too addicted to this stupid computer and electronics, and I justify it by saying that I get the majority of my support online. 

:fallingbricks: :fallingbricks: :pissed: :pissed:

Blueberry

 :hug: :hug:

I often cope by staying in PJs or worse sleeping in my dayclothes and then I can get up whenever I want and hey presto! I'm already dressed.

Standing with you.

Sceal

Forgetting your purse somewhere is ALWAYS stressful! I am happy to hear that it was left in peace and that you got it back safely.

Sometimes it's good to take stuff off your plate, so you get to do the other things you both want, and need to do.
I would love to stay in PJ all day. And I often tend to walk around in PJ-kind of clothes after I've been out. Way more comfortable!  :hug:

alliematt

Side note:  The party my son went to was a "PJ Masks" party; PJ Masks is a cartoon my son follows and that a couple of members of his Bible study also enjoy.  They're college-aged and young adult but still enjoy so-called "kids" cartoons.  The guests at my son's party were asked to wear their PJ's.  I told my son that while he might not want to wear his underwear T-shirt that he sleeps in, it was perfectly okay for him to wear his pajama pants.  Since he has autism, he definitely has black and white thinking and wasn't quite sure if it was all right for him to wear pajamas when he wasn't going to bed. 

(He also gets into his pajama pants and T-shirt when he gets home from school.   :) )

alliematt

How am I supposed to make out a schedule and stick to it and do some sort of decent self-care when, after I DO make out the schedule, something comes along to completely upend it??

Sceal

Could you plan for the unexpected? Set off time that doesn't belong to anyone, or anything?
It sounds frustrating though, to put in all that work, and only to have it disrupted!  :hug:

alliematt

Feelings at the moment:

Everything is a priority.
I will always be sick, physically and mentally.
And nothing will ever get better.

Blueberry

 :hug:  :bighug:

I've often had feelings 2 and 3 at the same time, so sitting with you. The feelings do pass for me eventually.

Combined with 2 and 3 (or just on its own) I used to often feel incapable of figuring out my priorities (which is different from your problem 1, I realise). Or even if I could figure them out, I couldn't do most of them. The whole situation  :thumbdown: :thumbdown: big time. Can only send commiseration and sit with you.

alliematt

Sometimes sitting with someone is the best thing you can do. 

sanmagic7

i hear ya, allie.  may i join the group of sitters?  that would be nice.

Sceal


alliematt


alliematt

What is my problem?

I've had a bad day today; it may be because I didn't sleep well last night, got up early, tried to take a nap later; husband has to work overtime tomorrow, and GUESS WHO gets to give her son a ride to a get-together tomorrow night that he JUST TODAY decided he wanted to go to!!!

What is my problem?

Why can't I stop being depressed and start getting better and stop feeling overwhelmed?

sanmagic7

maybe you truly are overwhelmed, allie, not just feeling like it, and that can wreak havoc with all your different systems, including your thinking, spirit, feelings, energy and all the rest.

do you have times when you can say 'no' and just take time for yourself, give yourself a bit of a break, do something for you?  i hope so.  i've been thru this demanding family dynamic - it was too many years of having to deal with one crisis after another and it wore me down to the bone.  that was not a good place to be, and i ended up running for my life.  i'd hate to see you in that same position.

do you belong to a support group for parents of autistic kids?  that may be something helpful, get you out of the house, make a boundary around 'me' time for that.  just a thought.  i don't know if it's possible or not. 

please, take it easy on yourself, sweetie.  you're under so much pressure right now.  that will skew a lot of things, including your ability to get yourself up and out of depressed feelings.  lovely warm hug to you.

Blueberry

Quote from: sanmagic7 on March 03, 2018, 05:51:02 PM
please, take it easy on yourself, sweetie.  you're under so much pressure right now.  that will skew a lot of things, including your ability to get yourself up and out of depressed feelings.   

:yeahthat:      :hug: