Allie's Archives: a recovery journal

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alliematt

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #300 on: April 27, 2018, 11:22:03 AM »
Well, maybe this counts as self-care:  Several new sports bras, a few tunic-length shirts I can wear over leggings or pants, a new griddle, and a table which I can use for the computer while sitting in front of the TV. 

Now I have to go proof in order to pay for all of it!

Allie

"900 years of time and space and I've never met anyone yet who wasn't important." -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"

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Kizzie

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #301 on: April 27, 2018, 12:12:45 PM »
You're worth it Allie  :hug:
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion - Dalai Lama

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alliematt

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #302 on: May 01, 2018, 03:25:15 PM »
Good news, BIOPSY'S NEGATIVE!!!
Allie

"900 years of time and space and I've never met anyone yet who wasn't important." -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"

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sanmagic7

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #303 on: May 01, 2018, 05:19:08 PM »
 :cheer:

so very happy to hear that, allie.  and love the self-care.  beautiful.  love and hugs.
learn something from everything.

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alliematt

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #304 on: May 03, 2018, 08:59:09 AM »
I took a mental health day yesterday, but it didn't seem to help, because today I'm dealing with depression yet again.  The words, you're not a cool kid, you're not an opinion leader, and you're not an influencer are going around in my head.  I feel like nothing I say or do matters, and that I will never figure out who or what to believe.   
Allie

"900 years of time and space and I've never met anyone yet who wasn't important." -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"

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sanmagic7

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #305 on: May 03, 2018, 11:57:48 AM »
i hate it when those types of messages sit inside on a turntable, repeating, repeating, repeating like there's a scratch in the record.  don't know if you're even familiar with records, allie, to tell the truth, but it came to me cuz those are old messages of yours are from long before, like records are an old way of communicating. 

very sorry your mental health day didn't help much.  those sound like ICr messages, and i say 'pooh!' to anything from our inner critics.  they're old news, belong in the past, and 'away with thee'.   you can talk back to them, allie, if you've got the strength or energy.  you're bigger than they are now.

staying with you thru this, sweetie.  i know it's tough, but i also know we're tougher.  we've beat it this long.  love and a big hug.
learn something from everything.

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alliematt

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #306 on: May 03, 2018, 02:10:39 PM »
I can't figure out who's lying or who's telling the truth anymore.  IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Allie

"900 years of time and space and I've never met anyone yet who wasn't important." -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"

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Sceal

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #307 on: May 03, 2018, 02:35:14 PM »
I can relate to the frustration, pain and sadness of not knowing how to trust anyone that they are saying the truth or if they actually mean what they are saying.
I'll just sit here with you, if you want and if it's okay.

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alliematt

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #308 on: May 03, 2018, 03:51:09 PM »
I can relate to the frustration, pain and sadness of not knowing how to trust anyone that they are saying the truth or if they actually mean what they are saying.
I'll just sit here with you, if you want and if it's okay.

That helps.  Thanks. :-)
Allie

"900 years of time and space and I've never met anyone yet who wasn't important." -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"

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alliematt

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #309 on: May 04, 2018, 09:07:39 AM »
Today I decided to make things better.

I went to Weight Watchers and then dropped off some stuff at Goodwill.  The rest of today, I'll be working in 30-minute shifts between proofing and housework.
Allie

"900 years of time and space and I've never met anyone yet who wasn't important." -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"

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sanmagic7

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #310 on: May 04, 2018, 05:11:18 PM »
wow, allie.  look at you!  i'm so jazzed for you.  big hug and lots of love.
learn something from everything.

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DecimalRocket

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #311 on: May 06, 2018, 03:53:43 AM »
Glad you have some order and productivity in your life, allie.  :)
Hi there. :) Iím absolutely logical, but far from cold.

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alliematt

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #312 on: May 16, 2018, 06:10:14 PM »
One step of self-care:  I had a lunch to go to today and praise team practice tonight, so I chose not to take any work today because I knew it would be too much of a load to handle. :-)
Allie

"900 years of time and space and I've never met anyone yet who wasn't important." -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"

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sanmagic7

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #313 on: May 17, 2018, 06:44:54 PM »
wow!  if it's my place to say it, i'm so proud of what you've been doing, allie.  so much positivity you've been bringing into your life.  you go, girl!  love and hugs.
learn something from everything.

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alliematt

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Re: Allie's Archives: a recovery journal
« Reply #314 on: May 18, 2018, 01:05:26 PM »
Annd, just like that, depression is back. 

Today I don't feel well.  I think my adrenals have crashed.

I have been trying to write a novel.  I don't have brain cramp, I have brain FREEZE because I'm so afraid of not getting it right. 

(TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE FOLLOWING)

Today there was a school shooting.  I've had it.  Nothing we do--no prayers, no thoughts, no marches, no advocacy--will change anything.  We all hate each other and it's getting worse.  I want to run away from home and never come back.  Someone told me that God will deal with it in His time, but that does really help how things are right NOW.  I still have to pay the rent and put food on the table and pay debt. 

(END TRIGGER)

My son is obsessing over TV "reboots" and an iPod battery we ordered from Batteries Plus. 

I'm too overwhelmed to count points at Weight Watchers. 

And I have 200 pages to proof by Monday.

This is why I've been posting "I give" lately in so many places.
Allie

"900 years of time and space and I've never met anyone yet who wasn't important." -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"