adrenal fatigue

Started by sanmagic7, November 27, 2016, 12:37:35 PM

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sanmagic7

i have (finally) been formally diagnosed as having adrenal fatigue, and just started a steroid treatment regimen, along with paleo diet to last a month, then it'll be revisited.  we'll see what happens.  i'm still on antibiotics for a cold that went south cuz my immune system is too weak to fight even that off, and continue to feel crummy and move unnaturally slowly.  i was also up by 3 this morning, something i've read often happens because of adrenal fatigue.

at any rate, he said i showed all the symptoms of having it, listened to my history, and seemed to be quite caring, which is refreshing.  one thing he told me was to find things to do that i enjoyed, and because of feeling sick and the alexithymia thing going on, i seemed rather argumentative, i guess, cuz he kept telling me to listen to music as a relaxation thing, and music doesn't normally do it for me.  i'm much more of a nature-sounds gal.  he didn't get it, kept pushing music on me.

anyway, that's besides the point.  i asked how long before this was going to make me feel better (one shot, and one pill/day for a month), and he said who knows?  maybe tomorrow.  well, i don't feel better even tho i was hoping to.  some disappointment there.  i did think of jigsaw puzzles, and want to get one set up.  i used to love doing those.  he also said sex, which has been out of my life for years due to my husband's fears.  i have a lot of resentment and anger built up around all that which i've never gotten out fully.

o, this is so tangled.  i couldn't think of much that i enjoyed, even tho i really do enjoy a lot of things.  i'm in the midst of knitting a shawl for my daughter, made a god's eye for her household for christmas, love watching silly sitcoms and laughing out loud, love gardening, which we have one started but haven't been well enough to get out there and putter around in it like i'd like to and have had to let others take care of it, but the plants are babies and need watering and i'm afraid that they don't know anything and will muck it up and aaaaargh!  instead of enjoying it, i'm afraid i'll be devastated if i lose it.

plus, this doc doesn't know about my c-ptsd, didn't have time to tell him (maybe next visit in jan.) altho i told him about the alexithymia, but i don't think he really understood it.  geez, does this ever get easy?  the more i know, the more i find out, the more complex it gets.  maybe i'm just overwhelmed right now.  like my favorite line from star wars - there are too many of them!

and, i've pretty much let go of that girlfriend, figured out she DARVO'd (thanks to someone else's post, i read about it and was able to recognize it) me in her email response, so there's another loss about which i'm ambivalent.  i don't know.  i guess i just needed to write this out in a place where i feel cared about and understood. 

so, little by little, as the doc said.   and my husband is still out of work because of his eye, and my money is now beginning to be eaten up, and i was hoping to get the frick out of here and visit my daughter for christmas, spend some money on her and me and just have some fun and laugh at jay and silent bob striking back, big bang theory, and bob's burgers - 3 of our favorites for simple, silly enjoyment.  and have an amer. christmas for a change in the pacific nw, where i've never experienced christmas before.  i'm just afraid (at least that emotion has come roaring back!) that i won't feel good enough to do that.  this has all become daunting, and it's something i've never felt before.  i don't like it.

a side note for anyone interested - the doc said chronic fatigue is often misdiagnosed and is actually adrenal fatigue.  they have many of the same symptoms.  he did ask if my chronic stress lasted 15 yrs. or more - mine is more like 40, unless i throw in all the no-emotions stuff from my parents, in which case it's basically my entire life.  that's a lot of years of being stressed.  i want some energy back so i can at least do some of the things i like besides sitting at the computer.  my butt falls asleep!

radical

Hey SM,
You are cared about.  it's good to hear from you.
Really glad you have a treatment plan.  I hope you are feeling much better very soon.
Can't do a longer message because it is nearly 2am and I'm so tired I can hardly type.
:hug:  take good care

Three Roses

I'm glad you finally have some answers! Here's hoping you're feeling better real soon  :hug:

sanmagic7

thanks to both of you.  gonna give it a shot.  that's all i got left, i think.  you really help a lot, and love you for it.

sanmagic7

going downhill.  just hoping it's the 'it'll get worse before it gets better' thing going on.  the doc told me i'm supposed to be doing things i like in order to relax.  my hub and i got into it last night, i finally told him, how am i supposed to relax when i'm in pain, can barely walk, and have mixed messages about this steroid i'm taking and having this infection throughout my body at the same time the steroid suppresses the immune system in order to lower inflammation.  there are plenty of things here that i like to do, but am not capable of at this time.  did a little shot at meditation yesterday, the pain and situation kept getting in the way.  gentle yoga stretches are painful, so not relaxing.    just needed to blow this out of me.  wanted so badly to get to see my daughter for christmas, but if i'm not better in 3 weeks, i won't be able to travel.  just feeling pretty sucky right about now.

Wife#2

Here's a gentle hug from a friend, a napkin to tear apart into tiny little pieces - or wipe a frustrated tear, whichever is most helpful. My hand is gently on your shoulder with the other at your elbow. Your frustration is so understandable! There are so many of us rooting for you, I hope you can sense the caring, the hope and the sincere friendship we all offer to you.

Oh, for a small smile - I have to sneak to watch Big Bang Theory - hubby HATES it, so I watch using on demand when he's out of the house. LOL!

sanmagic7

a big smile, thanks, wife2.  so appreciated.  love you right back.

Sienna

Hey Sanmagic,
How are you feeling about your diagnosis?
I am glad that the doctor seemed quite caring, and that you went to get yourself checked out, however I'm sorry to hear he kept pushing the music idea.

Quoteanyway, that's besides the point.  i asked how long before this was going to make me feel better (one shot, and one pill/day for a month), and he said who knows?  maybe tomorrow.  well, i don't feel better even tho i was hoping to.  some disappointment there.  i did think of jigsaw puzzles, and want to get one set up.  i used to love doing those.  he also said sex, which has been out of my life for years due to my husband's fears.  i have a lot of resentment and anger built up around all that which i've never gotten out fully.

Do you mind if i tell you something i read in an article, that might help you?
Here goes anyway in case...
Not sure if the article is telling the truth..but it said that, an emotional cause of adrenal fatigue is the body stops producing cortisol when it is rebelling against life as it is, because it knows that you are not happy with life as it is.
Apparently it thinks..why should i bother producing cortisol when I'm not happy or enthused aobu life or about getting up every day.  Maybe thats why the doc suggests doing things you will enjoy. I guess that eases stress to a degree.
Of course, the adrenals get tired and damaged from stress. Im not sure if the emotional component is true here too. I don't know what to believe. Maybe both are correct.
I have heard that like with the emotions, wanting physical ailments / pain to go away quickly, is like quietening the inner child.
Only listening to her because you want her to go away, when she really needs to be accepted, and loved for all the pain she is in, not wanted to be different.
I understand that you want this to get better, and maybe accepting that truth is ..needed.
Apparently, if you accept what your inner child has to say (as you would an ailment), her pain will ease, as you are accepting her and meeting her needs.
I have heard that with these sorts of conditions, listening to your emotional and physical needs...not waring to get rid of the condition right away...is what will help cure it.
Just accepting the way you body and health is.
It can be really hard to just accept that, not wanting to accept it in order for it to get better.
The adrenals i believe, are telling you to slow down...so i guess, that in order to get better, hearing them and doing what they ask of you, is in effect, slowing down...and that will make them better faster.

Quotehave had to let others take care of it, but the plants are babies and need watering and i'm afraid that they don't know anything and will muck it up and aaaaargh!  instead of enjoying it, i'm afraid i'll be devastated if i lose it.
Such a shame you havent been able to do what you enjoy, and i think its natural for you to worry that your plants wont survive.

Apparently, the desire for things to hurry up and get better, just like you asked the doctor, can still be there, the mind can still be ticking over, even if a person has slowed down. Even if they are on vacation. -
becasue mind and body are connected, that mental energy doesnt help the physical body to actually properly relax. You are still running and stressing and rushing ahead in your mind.
Really hard to stop i know.
And you mentioned chronic fatigue...it was this video i watched by the spiritual teacher teal swan, who i am a bit iffy about...she talked about chronic fatigue and i started wondering if it was the same for adrenal fatigue.
i guess it depends on your own trauma that creates your own reasons for the fatigue.
She spoke about tension. Tension needing to be different or to be accepted or to be well.
I can post it if you would like it.

And did you know that being overwhelmed is a key component in Adrenal Fatigue? (apparently)
Im thinking, is it any surprised that after everything you have been through, that your body is tired and grinding to a halt? Perhaps your emotions are spent with the alexithymia? Unless you are not able to outlet the anger you talk of having so numbness is what covers it.

It must be putting a stain on you worrying that you wont be able to do the christmas stuff.
I hope you don't mind the stuff i told you. I down know if its correct, but i learned it recently and if you'd like links i can send them.
I guess, I'm just trying to say, that its totally ok that you want to feel better. i hope that, if they are right and that healing comes from accepting your pain, that you can come to (if you wish) a place of acceptance for the place your body is in now, in order for it to heal.

:hug: Take care

sanmagic7

thanks, sienna, for all your thought and care.  i don't know if any of that is what's going on w/ me.  cortisol was not the problem, it was a different hormone, but this doc didn't send me for any more tests, either, so there might even be others that are having problems being produced and doing what they're supposed to be doing.  and i know exactly what my a.f. is from - 30 years of being on high alert, day and night.  i was in fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode all the frickin' time, all of which are taxing the adrenals.  i'm surprised they're not dead by now, actually.

things have changed.  (we never know from day to day, do we?).  yesterday, i spent all day running to the john - my body didn't tolerate the steroids at all.  and, everything i've been reading has said that steroids are absolutely not to be given in the face of a systemic fungal infection because they weaken the immune system, allow existing infections to get worse and make it easier for new infections.  plus, i was still on antibiotics for the lung infection that was starting.  another caution was that steroids can cause glaucoma.  well, i already have that, so the idea that steroids can increase the pressure in the eyes also went against the grain.  this doc knew about the infection and the glaucoma and gave me the the steroids anyway.

this morning i woke up and said f that sht!!!   i stopped the steroids, talked w/ my hub, gonna do more what i read about rest, relax, sleep, do what i enjoy, eat paleo as much as i can, and allow my body to heal itself.  i'll just give it all the help i can.  he's on board.  lol - i told him to just not argue with me!  let me do my thing, and if he has a concern, to ask me about it.  he said he'd do his best.  so, i've got one more fungal med to begin on thurs., we'll see if i can tolerate that.  if so, it would be nice to get rid of that crap from my body. 

i've been walking better all day.  my fighting spirit came out and took over.  someone asked in another post about motivation - mine was getting to the point where i needed to decide i'm just gonna wallow in illness or am i gonna change my attitude/perspective about it.  i'm not giving up or in yet, got ticked off about it all, and am gonna go at it my way now.  i've tried all the docs' ways and they haven't worked.  i've had it. 

so, a brighter day today.  all your warm wishes and prayers have lifted my spirit to the place it needed to be to be able to go at this yet again.  vitamins, different diet, and taking it easy.  with any luck, i'll be seeing my daughter for christmas after all.  yippee ai ki yay!!!  warriors - we will beat this crapola!  or, at least we won't let it beat us.  that'll work, too.  love and hugs to you all for everything.  and so much to my hub for wanting me well to the point that he's willing to do what i need.  love all around!

Sienna

Quotethanks, sienna, for all your thought and care.  i don't know if any of that is what's going on w/ me.  cortisol was not the problem, it was a different hormone, but this doc didn't send me for any more tests, either, so there might even be others that are having problems being produced and doing what they're supposed to be doing.  and i know exactly what my a.f. is from - 30 years of being on high alert, day and night.  i was in fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode all the frickin' time, all of which are taxing the adrenals.  i'm surprised they're not dead by now, actually.
Its ok.  :) I have heard from my own research on Adrenal Fatigue, that when the adrenals are knackered, they cant work to keep all the other organs of the body functioning well, and hormones can not be produced, insulin for the pancreas's, its al the body's way of compensating for damaged organs and demand on the adrenals...so they under produce / stop producing hormones or they over produce.  It may be like a domino effect, in which each system goes down in turn, or it may flip back and forth.
With adrenal fatigue, other systems start producing hormones etc. because the adrenals cant produce cortisol needed for energy...
ill stop rambling. Don't know if thats whats going on with you or not but that might be what they are talking about saying that there are problems with other hormones.

Sorry to hear your body didnt like the steroids. I hope they are giving you the right things, as i know medication further damages the adrenals.
And the immune system is already weakened by stress.
Seems silly that as you already have an infection..so why would they give you steroids?
I just hope you are in good hands.
Inflamation- adrenal fatigue and inflammation are connected as one of the *systems* the adranals can't keep producing is anti inflammatory responses.

Oh wait - you stopped the steroids! thats great.

Quotei've been walking better all day.  my fighting spirit came out and took over.  someone asked in another post about motivation - mine was getting to the point where i needed to decide i'm just gonna wallow in illness or am i gonna change my attitude/perspective about it.  i'm not giving up or in yet, got ticked off about it all, and am gonna go at it my way now.  i've tried all the docs' ways and they haven't worked.  i've had it. 
Thats great, and also really hard. The body probably wants to wallow is what I'm thinking, but also needs curing. Being gentle with yourself i guess. Its no surprise to me that your motivation went. I know too, that adrenal issues and hormone issues- the domino thing...can cause depression.

Quoteso, a brighter day today.  all your warm wishes and prayers have lifted my spirit to the place it needed to be to be able to go at this yet again.
Sounds like you have a lot about you and i admire your strength. I really do reckon you can do this. You are such a fighter.

I am so glad to hear you are feeling a bit better when you wrote this. You are right, it changes every day.

Just in case you want it, hope its ok:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iERqD2XrUk

sanmagic7

just wanted to write this down.  went to the doc the other day for my glaucoma drops, he asked how i've been feeling.  when i told him 'not very well' he asked why not. (here, i belong to the nat'l ins. group, and the interns come to our town for a year, so none of them are real docs yet, and i don't often see the same one 2 months in a row.  it's completely impersonal and mostly inadequate), i told him about the adrenal fatigue and the fungal infection.  he just looked at me, basically.  i told him that some of the fungal meds they have there haven't worked, and that i know that the 2 of these conditions together are killing me.  not a word.  not a 'no, that's not true', or 'no, it's not that bad'.  i knew it in my gut, but this confirmed it.

leaving him i went to see the director of the clinic, see if she could help me.  i can't use the standard treatment of steroids for the adrenals cuz my system has rejected them (and the endocrinologist is out of town till mon.) besides which, everywhere i looked, every article said the steroids are not to be given w/ fungal infections.  they reduce the immune system's ability to fight infection, and can make existing infections worse.  also, they can cause glaucoma.  the specialist knew about these 2 things and i haven't been able to ask him why he'd prescribe steroids knowing that i'm already sick.

she was unavailable, but the nurse's door was open and she had no patients.  these people all know me cuz i've been to this place so many times in the past years.  i asked if i could talk to her, she welcomed me in.  told her what was going on, that 2 weeks ago i had a cold and w/in 3 days it had begun moving into my lungs and i had to go on antibiotics.  she looked at my lab results - nothing else is wrong w/ me, thyroid, diabetes, all ok, don't have a problem.  she told me that i have no defenses left, my system isn't functioning well anymore.  i told her that i knew that these two conditions together were killing me, and, again, she didn't deny it.  i said i knew that i was dying, she didn't deny it or try to make me feel like there was hope.  her assistant did find some fungal meds that i'm trying out right now, but it's at least a 6-mo. treatment, maybe a year.  but she was so gentle and sweet and listened to me sympathetically, and i couldn't hold the tears back.  (this was all in spanish, but some words, especially the 'f' word seem to be universal.)  i asked her if she knew what that word meant, she wanted to stay professional, but she smiled nonetheless, and i told her that that's what i was,  f-ed.  she almost laughed at that.

so, there's my reality.  i told my hub, he doesn't want to think of it, just encouraged me to stay eating paleo as much as i can - and then his best friend died the other night, so we're in the nightmare of grieving and the mex. ritual of the all night vigil, which i knew i couldn't go to - too much stress.  he was there all night, will go to the mass at noon before he can rest.  this man was my ex-friend's love, and now that she's out of my life, i absolutely refused to call her.  i wouldn't be able to comfort her, and i'm afraid of what she might lay on me as far as her not coming down here. 

when i was there last year, i offered to buy her a round-trip bus ticket so that she could come here and see him, be with him for a bit.  he'd already gotten ill, but she was caught up in her own c-ptsd stuff and decided against it.  suddenly this year, she told me she was being called to come here, but it wouldn't have been till the middle of this month and she would have missed him anyway.  i'm stressed enough right now - can't  add her to the pile.

at any rate, i do believe this is all due to all these years of stress and trauma that i've undergone.  my body has broken down in the worst way.  i'm afraid that the next time i get sick, it will, indeed, turn into pneumonia, and that will be it for me.  but, i've decided to take the chance of the stress of the trip to see my daughter in ore. for christmas.  30-hr. bus ride, but it seems less stressful to me than a plane trip.  the visit may kill me, but i'm determined to see her, spend the holiday w/ her that i haven't been able to do since i moved here 15 yrs. ago.   at least i will have accomplished that, and it feels most important to me.  in the midst of this grieving, i'm booking my passage today. 

if there is anything positive that anyone can get out of this, please, get that crap out of you.  it will kill you, one way or another.  mine is killing me by lack of immune system functioning (i take lots of vit., etc., and have been for a long time, but they can't fix it.  i think they've buoyed it up for awhile, but the infection is whittling away at everything faster than it can replenish itself).  others will get cancer, heart attacks, strokes - whatever part of their body is affected most by the stress.  as soon as you can, relieve yourself of toxic people and relationships - i know it's scary, but i can tell you that this is scarier.

i feel like i'm sitting on a time bomb.  all my hope is now focused on clearing this infection, but the time schedule, well, who knows?  maybe i'll catch something from people on the bus.  maybe the stress of the trip will be too much.  maybe nothing will happen and i'll live till my 90's.  i don't know,  i do know that i'm very sick, my body's weak and tired and doesn't have much fight left.

i just don't want anyone else to end up in my position.  do what you need to do to get the poison out of you.  walk thru the fear - you'll only find your true, wonderful self on the other side.   that's a guarantee.  and thank you all for your support.  you've been great.  love all around.

Three Roses

Dear sanmagic, I have no words. Will be keeping good thoughts for you. Love & peace :hug:

Wife#2

San,

You are such a fighter, have had to be your whole life. I know this was not easy to write. It's not even easy to think. Yet, you've found the strength to face your reality.

Those of us who have grown to love you will continue to hope for you. I do still believe in common every-day miracles. Simple ones, like healing to finally be able to ENJOY your later years. Yes, I say years. Until reality kicks me in the chin, I'll continue saying years. Not as a fool who ignores reality, but as an optimist who knows miracles CAN and DO still happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a strong Christian or anything like that. I've just seen too many times when people knew they were at their end and found themselves still alive and relatively well up to five years later.

Be my opinion as it is, I will keep being here with you, holding you up when you want up, gently placing you down if that is what you prefer.  :hug:

sanmagic7

thank you both for the prayers and warm well wishes.  i swear i couldn't have made it this far without you and them. 

like i told my hub the other night, every time i get sick again, it chips away at my spirit to fight all this.  i saw another doc, he gave me a new prescription for the infection, i woke up last night itching like crazy, and i just don't know how much longer i can take this.  my brother suggested i get to an e.r. in the states where they'd have to treat me, but i don't look sick, don't have anything that 'seems' life-threatening. 

so, i'm going to visit my daughter for christmas, our first xmas together in 15 yrs.  a 30-hr. bus ride, but i decided i'd be more stressed if i was sitting here wishing i would've gone there than actually going thru the ordeal of getting there.   i'm looking forward to it. 

whatever happens will happen.  life finds a way, i know.  i'm not christian, either, simply spiritual, and just keep asking to help me make it through this day.  i also believe in miracles, magic, and 'meant to be'.  in the meantime, i'm doing what i can to help my body be as healthy as possible, give it as much ammo to fight whatever nasties are out there.  i'm not very good at it all the time, tho, eating too much of the wrong stuff.    but the cigs are gone now for nearly a year, and that's a good thing.   alc and drugs are a thing of the past.  and i am now surrounded by loving, caring people who only want the best for me, who are gentle and supportive of me, and for that i'm grateful.

if i have years, then i will utilize them as best i can, doing what i like.  if i don't, know that i've lived a helluva life, done outrageously wonderful things, realized life-long dreams, and was even able to finally rid myself of the toxic, poisonous people who have provoked my mind and body into the unwellness they experience today.   

this last doc suggested i get an mri and ct scan.  i already know my brain is damaged from a lifetime of assault.  i'm healing as best i can naturally, knowing that at this age, there just isn't a lot of time left for re-wiring brain messages or re-growing healthy neurons and cells.  right now i have to focus on staying as stress-free as possible, laughing at stupid sitcoms (oooh, found a new one i'm enjoying - 'people of earth') and just enjoying what i do/doing what i enjoy.  being as positive as possible, enduring whatever neg. comes along, and starting all over again when i need to. 

i'll keep fighting until all that fighting spirit is finally chipped away and i just have no more left.  until then, forward!  thanks for all your help.  that is from my heart.  i'm afraid that i'll only be posting very sporadically.  some, if not most, of this is so distressing to me that i dare not read about it anymore.  i'm losing a lifelong friend who is politically active because i've told her that i just can't discuss the outrageous and horrific things that continue to go on in the u.s. and around the world.  and that stuff is what most of her life is about now.  so, one more down.  it's just a frickin' shame. 

Wife#2

HUGS. Safe journey, friend.