Hope66's Journal

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Hope67

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #435 on: May 09, 2018, 08:09:51 AM »
Hi Blueberry,
Yes, I feel sure that the work on the Wounded and Fragmented Parts will be a work in progress for some significant time to come - it's been years that some of them have been neglected - and I realise there are quite a few of them.  But it's feeling like a positive experience - in the main - and I'm going to continue with it.  I see it as a key to progressing with everything.

I am so glad that you were able to get appropriate help during the time when you experienced those warning signs after the bad re-traumatisation - and I would also hope that warning signs would be around for most people, but like you, I don't know.  But I hope so too.

Thank you so much for your reply here, and yes, I did have a tough time over the weekend, but I'm glad to have got through it ok. 

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Journal Entry on 9th May 2018
I tried to be more in the moment/concentrating last night when watching a TV programme, and it was part of a series, and what I realised was that some of the characters I came across in it, were ones that I hadn't realised had been in the previous parts - so that meant I'd managed to miss their contributions when watching the previous parts of the series completely!  My partner was telling me "Yes, that's the character that has been in it since the start" kind of thing, and I was thinking - "I've never seen them before!" - so that was an eye-opener in terms of realising I couldn't have been present for the other episodes...  Never mind, I can hopefully improve on this, if I really focus.  I'm going to try.

Unexpected things were happening yesterday - and I coped ok with them - so I'm pleased about that.  Infact I felt a bit more 'alive' during parts of yesterday - more in touch with feelings and thoughts - at certain points.  Today I feel a bit flat, but I'm ok.  There are many many things I want to do today - but at the same time, I'm not sure where to start!  I need a system to help myself get organised and more importantly to 'do something' rather than procrastinate. 

I'll see how it goes.  I'm going to try to organise a list and start something now. 

Hope  :)


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DecimalRocket

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #436 on: May 10, 2018, 11:09:14 AM »
It's a funny thing that most of us, including me, aren't that aware of how little we're paying attention to things sometimes, huh? Dissociation doesn't help, and it's a little disorienting to not be as aware of daily life.

Hope you can ground yourself a little more, Hope.  :hug:

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Hope67

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #437 on: May 10, 2018, 06:27:23 PM »
Hi Decimal Rocket,
Thank you so much - I appreciate your kind words - and I am trying to 'ground myself more' - in different ways.  I think it does help.  Thanks also for the hug, and sending you a gentle hug back  :hug:

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Journal Entry for 10th May 2018

I think I'm managing to get a better 'routine' together - that feels more positive.  I do lots of chores and essential things, but I also allow time for reading, and also some writing too - and then I am also trying to be more active and force myself to try to do more social things.  That isn't easy - but I am doing it...  Perhaps I am a reluctant socialiser.  I really do find it hard.  But I'm doing it.

As I mentioned before, this week has had some unexpected things turn up, and I was surprised that I actually felt 'more alive' when dealing with those things, but maybe that's because I do respond reasonably well to potentially stressful situations - probably because I've faced many of them in the past.  I think I don't cope so well with the more mundane things - because without adequate structure, it means I can 'ruminate' and 'think a lot' and then my wounded and fragmented parts can contribute quite a bit - but now that I'm trying to get to know them, and hear them and understand them, and be compassionate to them, it's better. 

I've found that reading some people's writings in this forum end up triggering me, even when they haven't specifically written anything with a trigger warning on it, but I think it's just because I really relate to what they say, more than anything else.

I am going to try watching a TV programme and concentrating more on it - as I'm trying to be more in the moment, and trying to prevent myself from dissociating.

I am also hoping to maybe work on a 'letter not to be sent' to a FOO member - as well as considering what to name my new Journal here in this forum, as I think I may be close to the 30 page mark, and I wanted to start a new one when that time came... 

Hope  :)

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Sceal

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #438 on: May 11, 2018, 06:28:22 AM »
Hi Hope,

First I want to cheer  :cheer: you on for having dealt with unexpected things this week in a good manner! And also that you're starting to have a routine that is working out for you. Being social is good, but perhaps you need to take it slower to get used to it? There's nothing wrong with that. I too find that social engagements wear me out, even if they are pleasant. (the weariness lasts for much longer if it's not pleasant)

mindfulness is supposedly a good way to stay away from dissociation, I hope your TV shows were enjoyable to stay focused on!  :hug:

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Hope67

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #439 on: May 11, 2018, 08:56:08 AM »
Hi Sceal,
Thank  you so much for cheering me, and I am thankful for your validation -  :hug: to you.  I think your suggestion to pace the socialising is a good one - thank you so much.  It is incredibly tiring - I know that. 

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Journal Entry for 11th May 2018

I've worked out a bit of a schedule for myself for today - and I'll see how it goes.  It feels quite good to have done that - it gives me some structure - and I've tried to put some variety into it - so that I can keep all my wounded/fragmented parts engaged - and not forget anyone! 

Hope  :)

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sanmagic7

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #440 on: May 11, 2018, 12:41:05 PM »
hope, reading your last few entries made me immediately think that you're making so much progress.  realizations, working on being more present, coping well with the unexpected, making a routine for yourself, including variety in your day - just, wow.

good for you, sweetie.  brought a smile to my face.  sending a hug full of love and continuing progress.  i'm so happy for you.

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DecimalRocket

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #441 on: May 11, 2018, 12:56:10 PM »
That's such a wonderful form of self-care to your little ones. I'm glad you can be kind to them.  :hug:

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Sceal

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #442 on: May 11, 2018, 03:34:16 PM »
I agree with San, it's wonderful to read about all your progress!
And I am very grateful to be allowed to stand in the (internet-)background and cheering for you as you continue to work on your healing and discovering new parts, things about yourself.

P.S I'm glad my suggestion is helpful for you!  :hug: back to you.

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Hope67

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #443 on: May 11, 2018, 05:28:24 PM »
Hi SanMagic, Decimal Rocket & Sceal - thank you so much.  I appreciate you all -  :hug: :hug: :hug: for each of you. 
Hope :)

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Andyman73

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #444 on: June 13, 2018, 11:01:26 PM »
 :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

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Hope67

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #445 on: June 14, 2018, 01:30:17 PM »
Thanks so much Andy - I appreciate your hugs   :hug: :hug: to you too.
Hope  :)

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Andyman73

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #446 on: July 02, 2018, 12:55:17 AM »
 :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :grouphug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
Lots of hugs Hope, for you and your littles too! Cuz littles need love too.

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Sceal

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #447 on: July 02, 2018, 11:21:52 AM »
Hope you have had a lovely holiday. I've been thinking of you. :) Missed you!

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Hope67

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #448 on: July 03, 2018, 02:28:28 PM »
Hi Andyman & Sceal - thank you both so much for your lovely comments here - lovely to read them from you both.   :hug: :hug:
Hope  :)

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Blueberry

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Re: Hope66's Journal
« Reply #449 on: July 03, 2018, 04:02:19 PM »
Hi Hope  :wave: It's nice to see you back!  :hug: I hope you had a good holiday  :)