"Didn't hurt!!" - triggers

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Twinkletoes

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"Didn't hurt!!" - triggers
« on: January 21, 2017, 02:05:23 PM »
I've tried to google this in case I'm alone here, but I can't find anything.

Did anyone that was hit as a child say "that didn't hurt" even when it really did?

I just remembered that my mum would hit me and I would say that, when I did she would hit harder and sometimes I would say this 2/3 times until the pain really was unbearable - I've just questioned is this really awful and abusive or am I being silly??

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Three Roses

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Re: "Didn't hurt!!" - triggers
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2017, 03:18:53 PM »
You're not being silly. It's called invalidation, or minimization.

Here are a couple of definitions - I hope you find them validating. You're not alone!  :hug:
http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=4156.msg25654#msg25654

http://www.outofthestorm.website/cptsd-glossary/  (scroll down to M)

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Twinkletoes

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Re: "Didn't hurt!!" - triggers
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2017, 03:33:47 PM »
Thanks three roses... they are useful and I agree with what you say... but that was my own minimisation... or invalidation.... nobody else's - I'm curious if this is a know actual abusive thing on her part (clearly something weird on mine) or whether all kids said this to their parents??

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sanmagic7

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Re: "Didn't hurt!!" - triggers
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2017, 05:24:14 PM »
yes, of course it is abusive on her part - hitting a kid repeatedly harder and harder just to get them to admit it hurts.  terribly abusive.

i think some kids react like you did (it's not weird) as a defiance to their parents' abuse.  it's like they don't want to let the parent know they're hurting them don't want to give in to it, or it's the child's way of standing up to the parent, not letting the parent have the upper hand, so to speak, 'i'll show you - i'm not going to cry' kind of thing.  i think a lot of kids do that.  it didn't happen to me, but i've heard of others doing it.   it wasn't weird or silly of you, but a way to show your strength in the face of insurmountable odds.  there's nothing wrong with you for doing it.  you're a fighter!

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bring em all in

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Re: "Didn't hurt!!" - triggers
« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2017, 08:58:24 PM »
I can recall saying it didn't hurt when kids bullied me at school. My parents "taught" me that the way to deal with bullies is to "not let them see that they are hurting you."

Ugh.

Painful physical and emotional feelings denied seem to freeze in our bodies and grow like bacteria in a petri dish. 

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Downsideup

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Re: "Didn't hurt!!" - triggers
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2017, 06:47:40 PM »
Clearly this was physical abuse, and I'm sure you already know that. Minimization of your own pain / doing something to provoke a reaction out of your mother isn't in any way abnormal. You were a child. You didn't know how to deal with that situation, and whatever reason caused you to say the things you did is completely valid. Don't put yourself down, Twinkletoes :) Youre doing good.

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Three Roses

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Re: "Didn't hurt!!" - triggers
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2017, 09:02:59 PM »
whoops, twinkletoes, yes i read that wrong, i thought it was your M saying it to you :P

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Contessa

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Re: "Didn't hurt!!" - triggers
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2017, 10:27:45 PM »
That sounds like strength and self preservation to me. It could have been to defy your mother and/or to help yourself survive in the moment.

That does not sound unusual to me at all xo