On what sexual trauma for women fundamentally is...

[rosemarie]

Trigger Warning...not graphic but discusses sexual trauma and female sexuality

"Rape is a strategy of actual physical and psychological control of women, traumatizing via the vagina as a way to imprint the consequences of trauma on the female brain . . . Rape, properly understood, is more like an injury to the brain than a violent variation of sex."
p 93 "Vagina" by Naomi Wolf

Forever it seems I have been searching for the proof, the scientific rationalized proof about what sexual trauma and rape trauma really did to me, and what they really do to women. Then someone gave me a resource, it's a book called "Vagina" by Naomi Wolf and it discusses all of the amazing new research about the vagina brain connection and its implications for the individual and society at large. Trauma is only one part of this book, most of it is dedicated to helping women (and partners) understand how our sexuality really works and how it relates to our self-esteem, creativity, and empowerment.

This year has been a year of sexual awakening for me. I had the first positive sex experience of my life. One where I connected with a sexual partner when I was in a very self empowered and confident state. I immediately broke down and was in fits of sobbing grief as all this trapped pain finally escaped from me, and also fits of rage and anger. He had unlocked all those things from me through being a caring, kind, and competent lover. It was a transcendental awakening experience. My creativity and self confidence sky rocketed. I was writing beautiful poetry, colors were brighter, food tasted better, I could see the interconnectedness of life. In the book, "Vagina," this is the author's ultimate hypothesis, that sexual experiences where a woman can achieve true pleasure in a way that is meaningful to her open our creativity and passion for life. She brings in a lot of scientific evidence that helps support this about neurotransmitters and lots of examples from professionals and researchers. It is absolutely astonishing to read. I would like to just put some quotes up from the book:

"This is why I call dopamine the ultimate feminist chemical. If a woman has optimal levels of dopamine she is difficult to direct against herself. She is hard to drive to self-destruction, to manipulate and control." p 59

"An essential paradox of the female condition is that for women to be really free, we have to understand the ways in which nature designed us to be attached to and dependent upon love, connection, intimacy, and the right kind of Eros in the hands of the right kind of man or woman." p 73

"Just as good sexual experience in the vagina driven drives joy and creativity into the female brain . . .  the traumatized vagina, the abused vagina, the vagina that is part of a neural network that is being neglected by a withholding or sexually selfish mate--literally cannot effectively condition the female brain with the chemicals that constitute the emotions of confidence, courage, connection, and joy." p 87

" . . . if your goal is to break a woman psychologically, it is efficient to do violence to her vagina. You will break her faster and more thoroughly than if you simply beat her--because of the vulnerability of the vagina as a mediator of consciousness. Trauma to the vagina imprints deeply in the female brain, conditioning and influencing the rest of her body and mind." p 93

"Rape tends to be understood and even prosecuted--if there is no weapon involved, and no additional physical assault, no visible bruising or blood--as if it is "just" forced sex, rather than a highly violent act resulting in potentially lasting physical damage. But this new science shows . . . "nonviolent" sex assault . . . can imprint and harm the female body in measurable, long-lasting ways." p 105

There is so much information here and it has given me so much insight into my own sexual trauma and its aftereffects. Very little research about the effect of sexual trauma on women (and also men) has even been done and so much more is needed to treat its outcomes in complex PTSD cases. I ended up weeping after reading and processing the trauma chapter and honestly it was the biggest relief I may have ever had. This book is a gift of understanding for ourselves that I find extremely liberating, even in the wake of dealing with complex PTSD and related chronic illness and impacts on my life.

What's interesting is that what I feel the most relief about, and what I was sobbing for, was in the permission I feel now to allow myself to have the need for sexual satisfaction and the connectivity of relationship with a romantic partner. That I'm not just needy, that I don't have to be satisfied in the mainstream ways men are projected to be sexually satisfied. That I'm wired differently than a man and also than every other woman on earth, unique. That my sexuality and pleasure and satisfaction are fundamental to my joy and creativity in life and that they are my birthright. I now feel that my healing journey is not so much about the specific trauma I survived as the withholding of this right and it's restoration.

[Wife#2]

This is a very powerful post. Thank you for bringing this to the forum. Still processing - it may be a while before I can give a full response.

I am so very happy that you have, at last, had an experience of your whole body and whole spirit and whole being - shared with a partner who could appreciate that gift you offered.

[rosemarie]

Thanks, be gentle with yourself processing it. I feel the need to do a lot of grieving but the book is also very empowering for me.

[Fen Starshimmer]

I haven't heard of the 'vagina-brain connection' before. But it makes sense, absolutely!

"Rape is a strategy of actual physical and psychological control of women, traumatizing via the vagina as a way to imprint the consequences of trauma on the female brain . . . Rape, properly understood, is more like an injury to the brain than a violent variation of sex."
p 93 "Vagina" by Naomi Wolf

And this:

" . . . if your goal is to break a woman psychologically, it is efficient to do violence to her vagina. You will break her faster and more thoroughly than if you simply beat her--because of the vulnerability of the vagina as a mediator of consciousness. Trauma to the vagina imprints deeply in the female brain, conditioning and influencing the rest of her body and mind." p 93

I think reading this book would bring me to tears too. But on the positive side, I am glad that Naomi Klein is educating people about the devastating consequences of rape.

Rosemarie, I am happy for you that you were at last able to feel good in a romantic relationship - normal.  I am still hoping I will get there one day. I don't date though. I need to have feelings for someone to do that, and the numbness and horror has prevented that. I will just keep working on myself in every way I can, and learning.

[Andyman73]

rosemarie,

I know this is an older thread. Did you happen to run across same breakdown/definitive information for men? I haven't really researched any of that, as I've only recovered my memories this past calendar year. If not, that's okay too. There's plenty about boys and stuff, but not so much for grown male victims of adult sa/r.  Sorry to have bothered you with this. Doesn't really matter anyway.

[Atlas]

Hi Andyman73,

I read this post and wondered the same thing. Is there anything like this for men? I don't know, but I think it's worth a look. Because it does matter. It really really does. I'm tired of being forced fed an idea that men are emotionally disconnected from their consensual sexual experiences or that they would need healing from sexual trauma. It's important. I'm going to look up the book she was reading and I'm going to see if I can find anything for men too. I'll let you know if I find anything.

[Andyman73]

Hi Atlas,

Thanks.