Empowerment Activity: I am . . . a list of positive things (for everyone to try)

[rosemarie]

I wanted to start a thread where we can list some of the things that are beautiful about ourselves. I was recently working on releasing doubts put in my head by pathological abusers and I realized I need to redevelop myself esteem and also discover or remember what my skills are so I can have empower myself for future success. I also realized that as a small child I was made to feel ashamed of my good qualities and successes, belittled and ridiculed until I felt small enough again for the abuser to control. Well FORGET THAT NOISE. Also, we can include qualities we want to cultivate or have that's good too.

Some of the barriers I encountered included feeling like I'm not allowed to post this because it makes me a narcissist. Maybe we were trained to think that and maybe also so horrified by abuser's embarrassing selfishness and grandiosity that we silenced ourselves with shame that belonged to them. There is a very visceral and emotional fear reaction that I have in my body when I think about taking the steps I need to to succeed and this is one of the ways I've found helpful to overcoming that self doubt loop. If you struggle with this that's ok. Notice which words you get stuck on writing, I've found those seem to be some of my best unacknowledged qualities. And we don't have to always be expressing these qualities, they can just be what we are some of the time or even once or even what we want to be. If something pops up and I get a negative message about it I just notice, write it, and keep going and something magical usually happens. My mind has all kinds of tricks 

[rosemarie]

I am empathic, a good listener, compassionate, intuitive, and graceful. I am creative, open-hearted, kind, caring, generous, thoughtful, organized, and detail oriented. I am loving, beautiful, strong and empowered. I am idealistic, faithful, loyal, and hopeful. I am brilliant, resilient, magical, and inspiring. I am courageous, persevering, dependable, charismatic, funny, focused, and driven. I am ambitious, unstoppable, self aware, mindful, loving, fun, and adventurous. I am deeply spiritual, non-judgemental, a leader. I have a beautiful smile and a beautiful voice that puts people at ease and makes them feel safe, I am trustworthy, I am unique. I am love.

Man that feels good! Even if a little scary 

[To Be Happy]

Rosemarie,
You speak the words in my head. I can relate to you easily.
My childhood set me up for relationships in later life with two narcissists. Though 10 years separated the relationships and I thought I knew how not to let a narcissist into my life, I nonetheless allowed the second one in.
I am just now being able to say that he in fact is a narcissist. This after not being with him nor speaking to him for 6 months. I kept rationalizing his behavior and felt guilty about blaming him for anything; I blamed myself. I see now that all the troubles I have been having for the years I was with him and now are due to the trauma of the relationship and reliving the trauma of my childhood. At least that is what I believe and I plan to talk with my therapist about this.
I like your nice words about yourself. My therapist has been asking me to do that for months but I told I couldn't. Part of the reason is as you stated, fear of being narcissistic, self-agrandizing.
I look forward to reading more of your thoughts on recovery as I begin mine. Thank you for sharing your thoughts

[sanmagic7]

personally, i think it's important that we know the lovely parts of ourselves, and not narcissistic at all.   my mom never told me what a pretty little girl i was because she said that she didn't want to sound like she was bragging.   i spent my life looking for people who would acknowledge me as attractive.  so, i'll start with that.

i am attractive, i have a great personality, i love to laugh, i am trustworthy, i am a woman of my word, i am quirky, i am eccentric, i am a child of the 60's, i am fun to be with, i am great at my job, i am an explorer, i am an adventurer, i am a student of life, i am comforting, i am an earth mother, i am spirit, i am faith, i am a flower child, i am excited to be alive, i am becoming emotional, i am becoming human, i am loving, i am loyal, i am patient, i am a beautiful person, i am a work in progress, i am intelligent, logical, creative, enthusiastic, persistent, determined.  i am good enough.

it was scary.  i almost deleted.   thanks, rose, for starting this.

[woodsgnome]

So here's my scary leap into 'positive' vulnerability, something I'm learning to be less afraid of.

Traits that help describe but don't define me start with reading and music (heavily tilted but not exclusive to Celtic/folk/some classical). Quirky humour, subtle wit, and a tendency towards alternative views add to my mindscape.  Creative pursuits spark my soul's muse the most.

I'm empathetic, contemplative, personable and courteous. Curious to discover what makes the world tick--via delving into philosophies/religions/mystical takes that are free-spirited rather than dogmatic disguised bigotry (that's what I grew up with, which did wonders to develop what I call my 'hypocrites' BS detector'). I'm intuitive, patient (even when it bites me in the end) and tolerant. Learning, sharing, and just being are my passions; all built around my heart's greatest desire: peace--in all that I do and harmonize with.

[rosemarie]

Tobehappy
I can so relate to feeling like you just can't do this. I've had a lot of practice with this and it's still not easy. I respect where you are at but want to keep encouraging you. Would it feel more reasonable if you found just one word and you can even keep it private? Think of one thing you did well that you know was because of x quality. Maybe, maybe not. I trust you. Gosh I know what it's like to be there. I just got out of yet another narcopath relationship and when I was in it I forgot all of these things. It was like self-love amnesia took right back over me. You'll get there when you are ready. 

Sanmagic & Woodsgnome
Oh it's so lovely to see you both write these things. I've already seen such beautiful caring spirits in both of you in this forum and I feel like I know you better now. My heart is singing and there are tears in my eyes I'm so inspired! Great work!

[cdnPunkin]

I have written pages listing my accomplishments and positive attributes, but the darned things don't seem to stick. My brain automagically focuses on the things I haven't done, am not doing, cannot seem to achieve. Does anyone know of any strategies to maintain the positive reinforcement of knowing what we've achieved or can realistically achieve?

[Fen Starshimmer]

Lovely idea Rosemarie. It has refocused my mind on the positive and opened my eyes to your whole personality, not just the CPTSD aspect. Brilliant! It's a reminder that we are much more than the CPTSD. I think we are a bit similar. This is what I came up with:

I am mysterious and magnetic. I am an empath, intuitive nature spirit, dancer among dreams, star seed and light channeller. I am a creator, communicator, writer, author, artist, philosopher, freethinker, truth detective, diplomat. I am a perfectionist, visionary, witchy vegan, raw foodist and superfood warrior. I am wild, astute and resilient like a wolf and I am fragile and joyful like a butterfly, transforming, becoming, growing, bright. I am whole, I am divine, I am invincible spirit. I am HERE!

[Three Roses]

(...and welcome to you, cdnpunkin! I'm not sure how to get affirmations to stick better, besides repetition. )

[To Be Happy]

Rosemarie
Thank you so much for replying.
I love the idea of one word. That is such a wonderful idea. I can do that. I will work on that and come up with something.
We sound like we have had similar experiences. One would think one narcissistic relationship would be enough but somehow we found ourselves in another. I figure at least the second guy was less narcissistic than the first so I'm improving a little 😉
Keep your ideas and encouragement coming because they help. You sound like a kind and giving person. Thank you for your generous spirit. Wishing you well. ☀

[rosemarie]

Starshimmer! You are so creative and sparkly, I find your list super inspiring and I can definitely connect.

Seems like this thread is showing me there are quite of few of us 'witches' or 'mystics' or 'intuitives' or whatever you call yourself/us haha. That makes a lot of sense to me, we are the sensitive ones and I while it's such a gift I feel that it can make us extra sensitive to trauma. Lovely to meet you all like this! I feel like I'm really seeing the beauty in everyone here and it makes my heart smile. We all have so much to offer both ourselves and the world with our unique gifts and sensitivities and it can be so hard to remember when CPTSD takes a hold.

cdnPunkin, I can relate to what you mean. For me it just seems all too easy to slip back into the old self doubt narratives. I would say that I have quite a lot of practices for this and it's practice that makes the difference. One thing I practice that has really worked for me is saying "I love you" to myself with my hand over my heart, like a sort of repetitive meditation kind of. I find the less I want to do it the more I need to do it haha. In the beginning maybe I didn't believe it but it worked anyways. Also, I have posted my list somewhere visible where I see it and read it daily. These things can really take some reinforcement until we can accept them.

To Be Happy-I'm glad that one word sounds more doable.

May you all be well.

[Fen Starshimmer]

Hi Rosemarie, Thank you for reading and liking my post. I've been reading the others and, yes, you're right. We seem to be quite an earthy, mystical bunch in here at the moment...    The vibes are lovely. I have heard that narcissists are attracted to empaths and sensitives, and as children we are more likely to become targets because we pick up too much, speak truth when it's not welcome. It would make us extra sensitive to trauma, as we feel so deeply, being so attuned. We can become more wounded. It tests us to develop a stronger spirituality, and connection to Earth, and ourselves. I would say that this is what gets me through the tougher times.

cdnPunkin says:

Does anyone know of any strategies to maintain the positive reinforcement of knowing what we've achieved or can realistically achieve?

Write it down in a journal, free flow writing, no self-censorship. Or draw images or create montages of your hopes and achievements. I used to create vision boards. You can stick cut out images from magazines to create the themes you want. Getting it down on paper helps make it stick... helps manifest the dream.      

[bhupendra]

I think we have to be cautious with the affirmations and don't go overboard with empowerment. Which you have made very clear in your post.