Neglect

[Inky]

I so appreciate hearing your stories on this message board and being able to share my experiences with you.  Because I dealt almost solely with neglect due to traumatized parents, I often look forward to new posts in the neglect/abandonment thread when I check the board (ugh, that prob sounds terrible.) Its the connection I crave. Your posts always make me feel connected, like I'm not crazy or strange and alone -- like there are others who know my struggle.

Anyway, this blog makes me feel the same way I feel when I read posts here. I hope it can help others. I've commented a few times on her blog cause I'd love to hear more of her story. Triggers abound in all of her posts, so be careful. Also please let me know if it's wrong of me to link to a blog. I just want to share something that helped me. 

**************This link has TRIGGERS**************

https://mercedesthayer.com/

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[Blueberry]

Inky, I was emotionally neglected and even in some of my physical needs I was ignored or belittled, like being cold. My F has depression so that's part of his "excuse" I guess and I have thought for a good few years now that my M is possibly traumatised through her own upbringing. From what I heard decades ago her M was as a small child, through medical procedures, so it got passed on possibly but turned into C-PTSD rather than remaining PTSD as it might through medical procedures.

[sanmagic7]

i, too, am a product of childhood emotional neglect.  saharason, your words hit me in such a powerful way.  i can't even speak to them very much at this time.  one thing i will say is that i developed alexithymia because of it, and floated through most of my life without being able to recognize, describe, or understand what or how i was feeling.  i was robbed of my emotions by being denied them.  as 3 roses often says, neglect is not just what is done, but what isn't done.  my heart aches for us all.

[Mpress Lisa]

I can relate completely. I was neglected physically as an infant then emotionally as a child. These intense fears I experienced relating to abandonment and self worth have been my foundations I have had to navigate my way through my life with. These core beliefs have been the basis of every decision I have made. I am now working on shifting these foundations ( that 0f course should have naturally been provided by my care givers/ parents). Transforming these beliefs is a process, but is worth every moment of work, because I know now I am worth it, and I know I have true potentials that also deserve to be utilised. Despite the neglect, know that you are completely loveable and deserve all the beautiful things in life x

[Mpress Lisa]

Hello Saharason, yes you are right in saying it was not our fault... We really were defenceless and helpless and it is our responsibility as adults to make sure we make new choices that support us and honour us. We are worthy and deserve love and all the things that come with it. Sorry to hear you were abandoned like that, the effects of abandonment run very deep. 🙏🏾

[Wife#2]

Inky - I completely understand the need to see threads in this topic.

If I hadn't had my B1 brother and S3 sister, I don't think I'd have survived. There is so much guilt and blame about my even being born (two parents married to each other, I'm child #7 and this is still true). I used to think I'd just fallen between the cracks. And to an extent, that's true. Thank God my B1 and S3 looked for and found me. They were my heart-parents, because the BIO's were too wrapped up in themselves or depressed or otherwise physically absent. I was the target of the GC, who felt it necessary to pick on SOMEONE and I was the only one younger than him that he was allowed to pick on.

So, here I sit. Both my parents are alive and I'm still an orphan. My S3 sister died 25 years ago. My B1 brother died over 15 years ago. I've been an orphan most of my adult life, even though I lived with Mom and talked with Dad somewhat regularly. Even though the bio's are still alive. And they're hurt and angry that I am abandoning them in their senior years the same way the abandoned me in my infancy and childhood.

You are not alone. None of us are alone anymore. We have our FOC's if that is the case, and even if not, we now have each other. Kindred spirits all.

[Relinquishedpain]

Crysta/Erin/Kali: Just chiming in our agreement... It is nice to have that affirmation that others understand. Our mother spent most of our life telling us how much better we had it than her so there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with us.

[Inky]

It's so nice to see all the activity in this thread and to read all your thoughts!! I can relate to so many things.
Saharason, the feeling that I don't matter and that my feelings/needs are unimportant is the root of all my pain. I have internalized this and often don't even know how I feel about things because I haven't bothered to figure it out. It doesn't even occur to me to do so. And if I face the slightest pushback on an issue I will assume I'm wrong.
Sanmagic, you described it so well when you mentioned floating through life - like I don't count enough to weigh in on any topic or issue. Plus, I'm so used to it I don't bother asking myself.
There is such deep shame because we had a nice house, all the basic middle-income things but I was alone so much of my childhood, trying to make up games with myself. There were no adults to depend on, and not even any other children. We moved every year and always lived far in the woods with no neighbors.
I run back and forth between scolding myself for exaggerating and realizing my emotional and even basic dental needs just weren't important. Thanks for sharing and listening, guys.