New to the blog and emdr : childhood sexual abuse *possible trigger warning*

[Elphanigh]

To everyone that reads this thank you for doing so. I have been browsing this site for a while and have finally gotten brace enough to join and post. I look forward to hearing from others as well as contributing in any way I can.

As far as my story goes, I have recently started EMDR therapy and been re diagnosed with complex ptsd. My previous therapist had no knowledge of it but this one does. I have developed it due to experiencing sexual abuse from the time I was 6 until I was almost 13. This occurred daily, and sometimes multiple times, by multiple perpetrators. My family did not see any of this or catch any warning signs. I have still not told them and probably won't.

I am working hard to recover, it has been ten years since the abuse stopped and I need to find some peace in my life. I am trying hard to find it. I want peace but don't know what it actually feels like because I don't remember really anything before the abuse started.  It has affected every bit of my life, and caused so much harm. I hope to feel better having a group to go to.  I wish it could just be turned off, or that people would be a bit more understanding of it. It's a lonely world when no one seems to get it and can't truly validate how I feel. It has been years... yet it haunts me as if it was yesterday.

Sorry for the long post. I am glad to have found  somewhere that might help my journey

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Elphanigh!

I am so sorry to hear what you went through as a girl.

You've found a place to say how you feel, be listened to, and validated. Many of us are survivors of csa. We will listen and support you as you navigate thru this. Thanks for joining!

[Elphanigh]

Thank you Three Roses. I am glad to have found such a place

[MLG83]

Our stories are very similar I was sexually abused and raped by my brother from the ages of 6 to 13 I had not been dealing with everything for a long time and then at the beginning of this year I made a commitment to start dealing with it and it ended up attacking my body and the form of psychogenic non-epileptic seizures in doing my research on the disorder I discovered EMDR is a very strange process but it works I also have worked my way through the courage to heal it is an awesome book and it's helped a lot thank you for telling your story

[Elphanigh]

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry you went through similar but I truly appreciate you sharing and validating me as well. I am glad emdr has helped you, I went through a rough patch and have kind of taken a pause to do a bit more talk therapy. Either way, I am getting back into it and very hopeful

[Dee]

First, I didn't find your post long. 

It does feel like you are the only person in the world when it comes to abuse.  That isn't true, but we all do feel it differently.  I have done EMDR and I can say it is very effective.  Though I processed abuse I also feel I could only do it inpatient; I felt so much it was overwhelming.  You are not alone here. 

I am struggling with to tell my adult kids of my past abuse.  I had decided to and then my father died; now I don't know.

Abuse has effected every aspect of my life.  It isn't something you get over and time alone doesn't heal.  I feel it is important to process it with a professional.