Becoming Fixated *TW*

[Contessa]

Sorry to be very out there with this, but over the last few days I have been getting increasingly fixated on the year I was in a relationship where I was repeatedly raped by my boyfriend. That was essentially the entire relationship.

And how my family don't talk to me but think he is great.

[radical]

For me, what you call "fixated" is one of the re-experiencing symptoms of trauma.
I've found it really helpful to have a good therapist to talk these feelings through with.  I needed the validation and the space to process it.
I guess what I'm saying is - don't discount your anger.   It is there for a reason.  You weren't responded to when it was happening and that is crazy-making as well as infuriating.  Bottled up anger and all the feelings that go with it don't just evaporate, in my experience, they seek a safe outlet.

This might be healthy rather than pathological, another step towards freedom.

Take care, Contessa

[Contessa]

Thanks Rad. Great to hear from you!!

Yeah it's time. Better in the long run. Have got an appointment lined up tomorrow luckily. Just shutting off.

I don't want this

[Contessa]

Quick chat with a trauma spcialist confirmed what you just said Rad. And with that the obsession dissipated.

Wow. The mind is very powerful.

[radical]

Isn't it strange, the need to have the awfulness of what happened and our feelings about abuse validated by another person.  The power that being heard can have in helping us release the pain.  I think it is especially important where we have been actively invalidated by secondary victimisation.  Denial, minimisation, and refusing to listen, when we reach out for support, are very cruel.  I'm really sorry your family did that to you.  There are no words for this kind of betrayal from the people we are supposed to most be able to trust.

[sanmagic7]

contessa, i'm just glad that you got what you needed so you could get off that merry-go-round.  it's a horrible ride.  i'm also sorry your family is betraying you like this.  i'm dealing with some of that right now, so i really feel for you.  once again, the validation i've gotten has helped immeasurably.  i love when that happens.  big hug!

[Contessa]

Thank you.
I'm glad too. Just remembering when thoughts like this lasted for days and weeks.

[Contessa]

*TW*

Oh gosh this thought has come back again.
I don't feel like i'm losing it, but I do feel utterly confused.

This time i'm not asking "why is r*** okay?" (I cannot bring myself to write the word), but I just want to know why people go silent. Why, when I haven't been able to bear it and have conveyed the events out of need for support, do people go silent? They do not respond, they shut off. Or they shut me out.

I do understand how confrontational it is... but... crickets... literally.

They never come back, they never say one thing. My family, mutual friends. They never say "wow, sorry that took me by surprise..." or whatever.

I don't get it

[Contessa]

This is just a little intrusive thought brought on my stress... not bad at all!

I think i'll be past this one soon.