Consuming Panic EF's over my kids' safety.

[mimi the moomin]

Oh man, so many symptoms with this cptsd, wading through them everyday...
I have 4 kids, youngest is 5 and I am hyper vigilant and prone to huge panic strikes over their safety. Not all the time - and they are all intrepid explorers - very confident - so naturally its a big job anyway. But my distrust in humans casts the biggest shadow.... to me every second person could be/is a paedophile, and (to me) the system/community/family won't protect them. That was my childhood experience and I cannot for the life of me shake it, I just hide my panic from my kids.... my husband is more of a 'free range' parent and tends to make light of my panic (still working on that one, but he's otherwise supportive) so I keep all the potential worst case scenarios to myself. Argh. I often leave a playground with my kids and am emotionally exhausted and on edge.
Anyone else dealing with something similar?

[Dee]

I did this my kids' entire lives.  My therapist has told me I have been a good parent, hyper-vigilant, but good.  I could never relax and still can't.  My kids are now 17 and 20.  We recently went on a swamp tour, with alligators, and I constantly worried if my son's hands were on the rail, if he stood up and fell, and I never, once relaxed.  It can be so much worse if I feel they could be exposed to someone who may be dangerous.  My kids seldom stayed over at other's kids' houses.  I usually just asked that their friend come to our house, where I knew they were safe.  It is exhausting, and terrifying to let them do something despite your concern.

[mimi the moomin]

thanks Dee! Yeah my biggest kid is also 17 - i was a clingy, anxious emotional wreck at the thought of anyone going near him when I was a new mother, got a bit easier the more kids we had, still a basket case though - too many triggers. Totally with you on the no-go for staying over at peoples houses. If only the world were different. I am trying to balance out now, plan ahead - what I can handle, what to stay firm on as I vague out - get all dissociate-y and end up getting dictated to by these little guys, so need to stay on top of it! Great job on your parenting, you sound like you did really well in the light of everything. amazing.