cheery message for the under-employed

[Blueberry]

I remembered this morning what my Inner Child therapists told me a long time ago when I was having trouble with my I'm not really working status:
"You are working! You are doing a full-time job, you're just not being paid for it!!" Nods around the room from fellow participants. Even though most of them were probably working more or less full-time. I don't remember in detail, but there aren't usually many in these IC retreats who aren't working at least part-time.

With the added suggestion from the therapists that working with the about 10 ICs I had at that point - wow! What a load of work juggling their needs and mine (as an adult) and learning how to deal with children better than my FOO ever did. No wonder no space or energy in my life for work-for-pay. That idea then backed up by a participant, who was in Special Ed: yes, these aren't 10 'average' children, these are 10 with special needs, takes way more out of you than non-special needs children.
Even though I do realise that Inner Children aren't quite the work of external children, obviously. But still the analogy helped me.

So it is atm too and for the past couple of weeks and probably continuing into the next few weeks: my energy is going into another round of intensive healing, and that's my work. I'm not getting paid for it financially, but I need to do it and in the long run doing it will pay off, if not financially.

And although I realise there are some people on here who are managing therapy, working on themselves outside therapy and working for pay - kudos to all of you - some of us aren't. Which will have its reasons and does in my case. So thought I'd share for those in a similar position.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Thanks for sharing this Blueberry.
I was unemployed and feeling super #$^&*# about it for ages, wish this post somehow existed when that was going on. lol It's still encouraging though. Cheers.

[Blueberry]

I've re-read my own message here. I really need it. I found out today that two of my regular clients won't be coming in December. Another may or may not be coming. I'm not holding my breath. She often gets sick, she did today too. Then there's just one more who comes reliably but due to work constraints aka shift work only comes twice a month anyway.

So I'm totally under-employed atm. But I feel at too much of a low ebb to go looking for more clients. Atm I often meet my clients in pretty sloppy clothing, not business-like at all, because I'm simply not capable of putting anything else on. Too much effort. Today at least I'm wearing some colour and not just grey/beige/black/brown. For clients who already know me and appreciate the quality of what I'm providing, appearance shouldn't be such a big deal and doesn't seem to be.

But most of my energy is going into this super important work called Healing from a Dysfunctional Family and Healing from Multiple Accumulated Trauma. Even if there's no money to be had and often not much recognition except in select places like on here.

[Resca]

Thank you for sharing this with us, Blueberry. You're absolutely right. It's a full-time job just trying to cope with my mind, let alone integrate and progress through the day-to-day activities that I need to do to stay financially and physically stable. It's funny: people sometimes talk as if the whole "adult experience" of working, commuting, going to the store, cleaning the house, etc is this crushing, thing - and maybe for them, that's true! - but I can't even process those items fully until I've worked through all the CPTSD symptoms for the moment and by the time that's done, I'm exhausted.

Just an anecdote: I tend to be late for work. I stay in bed longer than I should trying to self-regulate before I get up so that I'm not a crazy monster first thing. And I allow myself to take the time I need to feel myself. My boss doesn't care at all because the first half-hour of the day is down-time anyway. But there are these two co-workers who always make these sly comments about how those of us who have kids (which I don't) have a valid reason to be late but the rest of us (aka me) should really get it together. As if kids are the only thing in the world that could cause enough mental, emotional, and psychological stress to make the mornings hard. I think I'm going to save this post so that the next time it happens, I can come back and remind myself that I DO have "kids" I have to wrangle every morning, and that's okay.

[Kat]

Blueberry, good for you!  Resca, the conclusion you came to about having to wrangle your own kids each morning is beautiful and so very true. 

I think I've shared this on the forum somewhere before, but I do work full time.  For me, it provides the structure and routine I need.  I do much worse when I'm not working.  I don't feel like I'm necessarily using work as an escape, but I can see how it might be viewed that way.  We're all different and our needs are all different. 

This idea that if you're not working in the traditional sense you're not contributing to society is bull.  Taking care of yourself and becoming your best self is contributing.  You're contributing here on the forum helping others.  I love reading your posts. 

Good for you for giving yourself what you need.  You were not given what you needed, so doing it for yourself is a courageous act of self-love!  That's beautiful.

[Resca]

We're all different and our needs are all different. 

This idea that if you're not working in the traditional sense you're not contributing to society is bull.  Taking care of yourself and becoming your best self is contributing.  You're contributing here on the forum helping others.  I love reading your posts. 

This is a really loving sentiment, Kat. I agree with you 100%. I've started to feel that all of us here are basically in family/group therapy together, trying to support ourselves and one another in between all the other stuff we do day-to-day. And there are some people who are posting on here so often, just sharing their experiences and their pain and their love. If you think about it as a form of therapy, then yeah! it's basically an extra daily appointment to deal with your emotional stress plus time spent being everyone's else's therapist, too, which people are literally paid to do as a profession. So everyone here should feel proud that they are putting in that extra effort.

[Blueberry]

I've started to feel that all of us here are basically in family/group therapy together, trying to support ourselves and one another in between all the other stuff we do day-to-day. And there are some people who are posting on here so often, just sharing their experiences and their pain and their love. If you think about it as a form of therapy, then yeah! it's basically an extra daily appointment to deal with your emotional stress plus time spent being everyone's else's therapist, too, which people are literally paid to do as a profession. So everyone here should feel proud that they are putting in that extra effort.

Lovely sentiment Resca, thank you.

[Blueberry]

I so need my original message on here today.

Along with that I remind myself what good I'm doing in the world, albeit small things. OK, like everybody else on here I post helpful, insightful comments and support others, and then do a bit more as Mod. But then on here we're all meant to be moving forward and not just revolving around OOTS.

I have an insect hotel. A friend made it for me. But I put it up and the holes are almost all in use or have been in use earlier this spring. I plant and allow bee-friendly things to grow. Things like that. Small steps for nature / environment.

That's all I can manage today.

Well, no, I've been told before multiple times that the best I can do work-wise is keep going with my freelance work, even if I can't live off it. Particularly with the easier type, I give a lot. I know because I have some clients who have been coming for years.