seeking help???

Started by graceelizabeth, October 24, 2017, 06:13:03 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

graceelizabeth

Hello! I understand that this website is meant for adults with PTSD, but I find the information on here to be helpful, so I hope I'm welcome (I'm 15)
My therapist has diagnosed me with complex PTSD, and I've had a really hard time accepting it.
I like to believe I had a good life until I was 5, when my mother met my stepfather. Up until I was 10, my stepfather abused me and my new brother both physically and emotionally.
When i was 10 he went to prison, and not long after my brother, newborn sister, and I were taken away by CPS, and taken to an aunts house. My aunt didn't want to keep me, I think because I was too old, and sent me away. I went to 3 more abusive households before I finally wound up in my current home a few months ago. My aunt still has my siblings, who she hardly ever allows me to see. Since I'm now in an environment where I'm happy, my "fight or flight" response is going away slowly, and because I am no longer fearful, my repressed memories have had time to come back, and I have hated every second of it. I always knew i was physically and emotionally abused, but these memories have taught me that i was sexually abused by multiple people as well. I fear leaving the house and have become extremely paranoid that if i do someone is going to hurt me, I've begun doing most of my schoolwork at home, and I'm fearful that things are only going to get worse. I still have 10 years of my life I dint remember, and quite frankly, I don't want to.

Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated! thank you

Eyessoblue

Hi welcome, really sorry to hear what you have been through and at only 15 it must seem like a huge big deal for you to cope with. All I want to say to you is that repressed memories are hard, I too only realised last year that I had been sexually abused by my dad at 5 years old, I'm now in my late forties and it took that long to realise it, plus lots of other repressed memories have re surfaced and it's been really difficult trying to deal with it all, I can imagine at 15 it must feel like a major deal to you. You talk about your therapist so I imagine you are having regular therapy? If not you will definitely need someone you can share this with and help you to deal with it all, cptsd is horrendous but you will find on this site you will get a lot of help and support, whatever you want to ask please do so and don't feel worried about doing so, we are all here to help each other and for me coming on here is my extra life line and I wouldn't be without it, I hope you find the site helpful for you.

BlancaLap

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I know because I have repressed memories too that I don't want to remember. It is normal.
Don't be afraid to use these forum because you're 15. I'm 19 and I entered it when I was 18, although I started posting recently.
Happy to hear you are safe now.
My advice is for you to use grounding techniques and the techniques you can find here in this forum and in books or articles or websites... most of them may not fit you, but if you find someone that does, you will recover faster than you thought. I don't really know what else I can tell you. Sorry

Andyman73

Graceelizabeth,

Welcome. I am truly sorry for what you been through. I recently adopted a 22 month old little foster baby girl. We've had her since she was 10 weeks old. Had a few other babies too, but they all went back. I'm glad to hear you're in a safe foster home now.

As for the abuse...Until January 23rd, 2017, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I've been living with PTSD since mid 1994. I now know it's cptsd.  When my memories started coming back last year...I learned why I'm the way I am....since the age of 2, 42 years ago, I've been abused in nearly every manner imagineable. By strangers(to me) and even my own parents. And for the past 20 years or so...my very own wife. I'm leaving her at the end of this month.

When I was 15...yeah....can't tell you about that....too embarrassing.

Safe  :hug: if okay.

Andy :phoot: