I don't think anyone in my town knows cptsd

[Phoebes]

In looking for a T, I have been using the download from this site as well as some of my own questions about knowledge of covert malignant NPD, beliefs about NC, etc.. I recently tried another T who didn't specifically mention these on their site, but did mention they specialize in complex trauma and ptsd. I'm always taken aback that they have never heard of cptsd. And as trauma specialists, they have never read pete walker or know of the fawn response. I get a blank stare when I am asking about their experience with these traits.

In having short conversations, I always without exception feel a tinge of invalidation. I know I must be acutely sensitive to this, but even comments like "I know these things happened in childhood but your'e a functioning adult now," and "we tend to overcomplicate things" and stuff like that can trigger me. I know no person is going to say everything non-triggering all the time, but I think if I do choose theraoy, it's going to have to be ONLY with a cptsd specialist.

Also, I am finding that not many therapists can really pin down their philosophy or viewpoint, and it gets down to really the role of the T is to just be a person there to talk to and offer some philosophies that can easily be googled. I even googled some of the recent person's approaches to therapy, and they were very vague and general. I want to know exactky how to help myself, and i think this can be found not only within, but with people like richard grannon, pete walker, lisa romano, melanie tonia evans, shahida arabi..people who have experienced what I have and have done the work. I think I am a little exhausted of going in the therapy direction and am going to just keep plugging away at self-soothing, validating and hypnosis through art approach. I think I'm probably doing ok. I just want to feel better ALL the time.

[Three Roses]

I found myself nodding in agreement as I read your post.

In case you didn't see these: there are links to searchable databases here: http://www.outofthestorm.website/treatment/

And one db that looked promising: https://www.theravive.com/therapists/e-counseling.aspx

I'm interested to hear how this pans out, thanks for posting!

[woodsgnome]

Having had around 10 T's in 20 years (after resisting the notion of therapy forever--too hard to take, etc.) it's interesting that the first one I tried described perfectly what is now known as cptsd but the term hadn't been around yet in general use. She just coined her own term, something like 'multicple episodes of ptsd' or some similar tag and didn't seem preoccupied with a condition's name as in dealing directly at what my problems were.

She had to move on, and I did as well; then ran into a whole bunch of T's who had all the great definitions (except cptsd; heaven forbid the client have their own knowledge base) and theories but didn't have the interpersonal connect. I went from being used as a guinea pig to prove one T's doctorate thesis, while most of the others lapsed into little more than chit-chat with sprinkles of their pet theories thrown in to look halfways competent. Perhaps the worst part of not finding a T I felt comfortable with was that my choices in a very rural area are pretty limited.

Finally I gave up hope of finding someone not just 'going through the motions' and/or playing by the insurer's game (define the treatment and keep the lines moving). I too did enormous amounts of independent study which I found useful, but the missing gap was having someone with equal and/or greater knowledge of fitting it all together. Almost 2 years ago I found such a person, who is extremely knowledgeable, but also personable and not acting the part of a psyche guru running the show for their dis-ordered client.

"I don't do therapy for you, I work with you to find the optimal approach" is how my current T's description was and I was happily surprised to find she means exactly that.

I think part of a good interplay is knowing the T is willing to be human, admit to their own foibles, and share if they've been therapy clients themselves and...did they learn anything from that, besides just rattling off their fantastic education. It seems ideal but hard to come by.

While it's great to work on your own, Phoebes, and it seems like you're okay with that if you have to, finding someone is possible, so perhaps some more looking will work out for you. Doing your own work via reading and other means was okay, but I needed that extra boost to feel like any progress was being made.

It still seems so odd that so few practitioners even know the cptsd landscape or have even heard of it. Part of that seems to be how the term, as discussed in another thread here, is packaged with ptsd as if it's just a sub-category.

[Kat]

I was enormously lucky to have found, on the second try, the therapist I've been working with for over a decade now.  I agree with what Woods said about the therapist being able to admit their own foibles otherwise you'll never learn how true, healthy relationship works.

I started working with my therapist when she was an intern.  She continued her education with a focus on severe childhood trauma.  She now oversees her own interns.  On her website she makes it extremely clear that she will not work with any potential interns who have not been in their own therapy.  She feels strongly about this one.  I add this because Woods had made the suggestion to find someone who's done their own work.

You said you find it frustrating that many of the therapists you've spoken to can't explain their philosophies in terms that you can Google.  This is tricky because while I do believe they should be able to offer their philosophies, I also know from experience that therapy is also a very mysterious interplay between therapist and client that can't always be outlined in clear cut terms.  That is, unless you're working with someone who provides CBT or EMDR or the like. 

Like Woodsgnome, I'd suggest you keep looking.  I know I would not be nearly as healthy as I've become without the help of my therapist.  I also realize that to do trauma therapy properly is a huge undertaking and requires a huge commitment on both sides.  My therapist has had to put up with so much and put in so much time and so much of herself to make it work; I don't know that many would want to take on the challenge.

[sanmagic7]

i'm with the others, phoebes, to keep looking, and i hope you do find someone who will help, rather than invalidate.  i don't think you're being overly sensitive to those kinds of statements.

being a therapist myself, i've had my share of neg. experiences with t's, have done a lot of reading/research on my own (melanie tonia evans was one i invested heavily in about narc abuse), and knew a lot of therapeutic techniques that i used on myself.  all of it helped a lot, but there is something about an outside perspective that creates a wholeness.

even tho i have all this therapeutic knowledge, i cannot be a therapist to myself.  things/words that i can do and say with a client don't always come to mind when working with myself on my own.   the t i'm seeing now hasn't expounded on any special philosophy of her own, has not conducted our sessions like i've been used to, and has not asked me to repeat my history (something i've done too many times).

however, she is, as i can see it now, working with me to build a relationship, one that is trusting and safe, and it has seemed directionless and slow-going.  i've questioned it because it was a foreign approach, but i'm beginning to see results that i didn't expect.  this wouldn't have happened on my own, i'm sure of that.  i, too, just wanted someone who would help me get better, fix things, but in a way that i was used to or was more concrete.  this way rocked me back on my heels for a bit.

i do want you to know, phoebes, that i totally support whatever direction you take with this, and will always only hope for pos. results for you.  i just finally got to a point where i couldn't do anymore for myself.  best to you, and i sincerely hope your recovery takes you where you want to go.  big hug filled with warmth and love.

[Phoebes]

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and insights. I can understand that I have been underestimating the relationship aspect of a T. I feel like unless someone has experienced what I have, and done at least as much work in this area, that it is hard to connect, and it's hard for them to understand the covert abuse of my Nm. I guess I never thought that that might not be necessary for it to be effective. I assume I will get the usual "but she's your mother", which is almost always why I have left the others..I'm really discouraged by my last experience..also, I had a best friend of many years who is a T, she has similar experience as me, and even she said similar things..she also said that I somehow "attracted" my mother into my life before I was born in order to learn these lessons. I get the whole new agey way of thinking, but that felt like invalidation on steroids to me. We also aren't close anymore. :/

[sanmagic7]

o, phoebes, i had to chuckle about that last one.  i've heard that thing about choosing which family we're going to be a part of before we're born, etc.  i used to wonder about it, but not anymore.  learning lessons should be about growth, enthusiasm, insight, and knowledge that will help us, not put us down, hurt us, and harm our very spirits.  nope, not buying that one anymore.

one of the things i read in van der kolk's book was that a kind and nurturing relationship is one of the best environments in which to find healing from trauma.  i've also eliminated the people in my life who i realized weren't giving that to me.   my new t, i believe, is working at establishing such a relationship with me.  somehow, without delving too heavily into my trauma, i'm feeling stronger within myself. 

so, best to you with finding someone who will also be kind and nurturing (my very first t turned out to be a misogynistic narc - and she was a woman to boot - who harmed both me and my family).  that was over 30 yrs. ago.  it's taken till now to find someone i believe is helping me.  heaven forbid it takes you that long, of course, but i do hope you don't let that horrible experience stop you. 

sending you a big hug filled with hope and healing and love.

[Phoebes]

 

[BlancaLap]

I know how you feel; nobody in Spain knows about C-PTSD either... and it is repressing because people have told me the same things they have told you, and it is triggering, because it seems like they're saying things like: "it's nothing", "it's you that overcomplicate things and not actually what they did to you", "just get over it, you should be able to get over it, why didn't you get over it already?"; but I think it's because they are reminders of things we have told ourselves unconsciously... but even if it is that way, I don't think a good therapist should tell you that, NEVER. Good luck with your research!

[Gromit]

I think so too Phoebe but, I have been with my current T for 3 years now and things have changed. I didn't go to her with C-PTSD in mind, something had happened to my son and I knew I would need help with the aftermath. It is only in the last year, I read 'The Body Keeps the Score' & other things and it led me to C-PTSD.

My T is much more human than the previous one I had (I was training to be a counsellor and had a psychodynamic therapist, which really didn't work for me, neither did the training). In our last meeting she actually revealed that her husband is also NC with his FOO, which may be why she doesn't use the 'but she is your mother' phrase. My previous T even tried to persuade me to meet my parents!

It is a bit hit or miss finding a T. I have used a local charity that matches you with a T, that's how I found my current T, she did work for them. I've used them several times and, mostly, it has helped.

I hope you find the right one for you.
G