How do you know if IOP/IP is right for you...

[Resca]

This holiday season is just beating me down. The last few months have felt like a consistent downward slide and the good days/feelings never last. It seems like therapy, heavying up on my meds, and sleep are the only things that help, but only ever for a short period of time. I'm starting to feel like I might be losing it.

I've been looking into a few IOP options nearby that my insurance will cover as a sort of stop gap. But I keep having second thoughts. Worrying that my situation isn't really that bad or that the other patients and doctors at any reputable place will think I'm just looking for attention. I also don't want to hurt my SO, the people who love me, and my career by taking all the time out to get treatment that I can't even confidently say I need. Has anyone ever had this experience before? How do you decide if IOP or even IP is something to pursue? And how do you convince yourself that it's okay to move forward with it?

[BlancaLap]

People that really love you would like you to take care for yourself, you're not hurting anybody, you're not doing anything wrong, if you're feeling bad, it's time for you to look inward and begin asking you what botheres you.

[Blueberry]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad atm. 

This holiday season is just beating me down. The last few months have felt like a consistent downward slide and the good days/feelings never last. It seems like therapy, heavying up on my meds, and sleep are the only things that help, but only ever for a short period of time. I'm starting to feel like I might be losing it.

What you write here is IMHO very telling - like a cry for help and so to take your impulse to do IOP (or even IP) seriously. IME having months of downward slide  and the feeling that good stuff doesn't last, and that support helps only for a short time - for me those are indicators of: I need more help than I'm getting in day-to-day life.

I've been looking into a few IOP options nearby that my insurance will cover as a sort of stop gap. But I keep having second thoughts. Worrying that my situation isn't really that bad or that the other patients and doctors at any reputable place will think I'm just looking for attention. I also don't want to hurt my SO, the people who love me, and my career by taking all the time out to get treatment that I can't even confidently say I need. Has anyone ever had this experience before? How do you decide if IOP or even IP is something to pursue? And how do you convince yourself that it's okay to move forward with it?

I can imagine worrying that my situation doesn't warrant IOP or IP, because I've done this before. I needn't have worried, I really did need it. IME better to get into IOP or IP before I collapse completely. I can take better advantage of intensive treatment if I don't spend the first week recovering enough to pay attention to the therapy.

If you need treatment, it's likely to help your career. Whereas not taking the time for treatment might harm your career. I hope you don't need to worry about losing your job, because if that were the case, then your worries would be well-founded. But if it's just the case of taking weeks/months off, then IME well-worth it.

Unless you count a time when I was seeing a trauma T and occupational T weekly as well as 2 other docs monthly as IOP, I've only ever been IP. Sometimes I have the feeling a) I'm about to collapse and b) I have to get away, I really need help, I'm slipping and once a week T isn't enough for T, then it's time for IP. IP allows me to concentrate more on healing what's coming up AND to take more of a break from RL. That can be very helpful.

[sanmagic7]

i'm with blueberry on this, and couldn't have said it better.  you deserve to have the help and care you need.  all these indications of not being able to move forward warrant something more than what's going on for you right now. 

big warm, loving hug to you.

[Resca]

Thank you all very much for the support and validation. It's strange and impossible to know that you need help but be unable to feel that you're really worthy or "in need" enough - it's good to know that others understand that paradox. And thank you, Blue, for sharing your experience. That ability to "concentrate more on healing" is exactly what I'm looking for, because knowing the wounds are there but being unable to work on them is almost more unbearable then when I didn't understand what was wrong. It sounds like you went through a lot to find that space for healing, so I appreciate that you helped me with the same legwork.

I started the process of admission to that local IOP; got my doctor, the hospital, and my HR department on board. Now it's just a short wait for everyone to get in touch with each other and process the paperwork. Couldn't have gone through with it without all of your support. Oddly enough, something about giving into that feeling of being extra broken right now and seeking the help has taken part of the weight off

Hugs to you all, Blue, sanmagic, and Blanca. Thank you so much.

[Blueberry]

I'm glad that together we could all help you find what's right for you.  for you for setting the process of admission in motion so quickly.

Oddly enough, something about giving into that feeling of being extra broken right now and seeking the help has taken part of the weight off

Sounds familiar.

Good wishes to you until the IOP starts!