Confused

[Jazzy]

Hi everyone! All of you here are great. This is a supportive community. 

I've got a lot of thoughts going through my head right now. I have a lot of questions. I'm starting to feel bad for posting on here as much as I do, but honestly I'm really self critical right now.

I'm cycling through a lot of emotions quickly, in a matter of minutes. This is really weird for me. I've been fighting to keep my mind on track, but I'm concerned I'm going in to an EF. There's also a possibility I'm reacting to a new medication.

Why aren't I happy? I see no good reason to not be happy, but I'm not. I miss being happy, it's a rare thing for me.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this, there doesn't seem to be any coherent flow to it. I haven't even mentioned any of the questions I was wondering about. What the * is going on in my head?

[Libby12]

Hi Jazzy.

I read your post and, even though you didn't get into a lot of detail,  I felt that I really understand how you are feeling at the moment.

You asked the big question that I always seem to be asking myself.   I should be happy (ish!) but I'm not. Why? As well, I am right with you on the feeling that there are just so many confused thoughts racing around in my head, and my emotions are so all over the place. You mention a new medication.  For me, it's the start of the process of tapering of of an anti-depressant that didn't seem to be doing much good but had bad side effects.   I tried before so I know it will be unpleasant.

Is there something particular in your life at the moment that you think might have contributed to your feelings?  My limited knowledge says it does sound like an EF.  For me, I was having quite a good week,  the reason being that I had managed five days with essentially no interaction with anybody but my dh and two sons, who I live with,  and text messages with my dd,  who lives away. Perfect for me.   Then, a couple of days ago, the outside world and its people managed to get in, and I am a complete mess again.  I wonder if this feels at all familiar to you?  You potter along,  coping,  and sort of happy,  or as near to happy as you ever seem to get.  Then, something happens,  doesn't have to be really bad, then it feels like you are back to square one, which is basically a mess of thoughts and emotions.

I really wish I had some advice to offer. I never do, which is why I rarely post,  despite visiting this site daily for the past year.  I have found a lot of support here,  just from reading. Despite your worries,  I and many like me, I am sure, are so thankful that you and all the others here keep posting.  Where would we get the feeling of connection otherwise?   In fact,  now that I have replied to you,  I might,  just might,  start my own thread to see if anyone has some advice on the things that are really troubling me today.  Even here, I still believe that I have no voice and no right to a voice,  just as my parents brought me up to believe,  and everyone,  other than my dd, has continued to reinforce throughout my fifty plus years.  Wow! Where did that come from?  Thank you,  I needed to get that out there!!

Thank you Jazzy,  and I would be very interested to hear more from you.

Libby

[Hope66]

Hi Jazzy,
I think it might possibly be an EF as well - there is intensity within your emotions - and you don't know where it's coming from, so emotional flashback sounds possible - like Libby12 has said.  I can't really add anything more to what she has written, as I found it really helpful myself.

Libby12,
I just wanted to say to you, that I have related to things you've written in your threads - and I really like the fact you're thinking of coming here more to post about your thoughts and feelings, as I really hope it will be helpful to you, and also I would value hearing the things you have to say - as they help me - so thank you.

I hope you both don't mind a hug, but I'd like to give us a group hug  or at least say  to you both.

Hope 

[Jazzy]

Hey Libby! 

Sorry I didn't go in to much detail. I usually am quite descriptive, and type a lot. I was overwhelmed (unable to process normally). I wish you couldn't, but since you can, I'm glad you are able to relate. It is really helpful to know there are others going through similar. It makes things feel less lonely, and less bizarre.

It's really interesting to me that we are both going through chemical and environmental changes. I suspect they are amplifying the effect. Yes, absolutely! There is a particular thing in my life that is contributing my feelings. My biggest trigger walked directly in to me a few days ago, and it's an ongoing contact situation now. It's a bumpy ride, but at least I know what's happening this time, I hope it helps enough to avoid a nuclear explosion.

Thank you for your reply and the kind words! They are much appreciated, and I hope you do begin to feel comfortable and post more! Getting it out there is good. You do have a voice, and you most certainly have the right to one. I hope that whatever's troubling you is short lived, and you find peace soon!

Hugs are awesome! Thank you Hope!