Helpful thing I realized?

[goblinchild]

I'm not sure how much this might help other people but I've heard we have a tendency to self-isolate or become isolated by abusers, and also a lot of us have trouble socially with forming friendships so maybe it's helpful?

I've been working on the 'being social' part and one of my consistent complaints was that I kept getting this advice like "Well, pick an interest you have and join a club for that " And I did try that. But in-between being confused and uncomfortable about my own interests, being extremely anxious around people, and noticing that over time, exposure to people in this way wasn't helping I realized that that's not the way I even "make friends"!!!

Actually this board helped a lot by introducing me to the inner child stuff. I was thinking back about childhood and just so happened to be a bit frustrated about my efforts in socializing at the same time, and it hit me that I've literally never made friends that way. I never had friend groups or even good friends because I would go find people like me or who liked the same things as me? I found friends because I always found groups of people who were different from me but interesting! Those friendships worked so well because I came to the table being who I was, and I thought they were cool because of who they were. In all of my good friendships, there was always that mutual respect and curiosity and appreciation of each other for being uniquely who we are.

The caveat with of of this, when applying it to my life now, is that I'm not really sure who *I* am, so I'm not sure it's gunna work the same until I can figure out that part. But at least it's progress! I'm not going to keep forcing myself to meet people in a way that hasn't worked and that feels like a relief.

[Three Roses]

 

[ImaSurvivor]

Hello GoblinChild,

I relate so much to your post.  A lot of my identity was tied up being a victim of what happened to me when I was a child.  But now that I've processed and let go of that, I felt empty or blank, not knowing who I really was or not wanting to have anything to do with how I used to be.  What I've discovered since is that I want to hold onto the things that I really like about myself (I love to cook for others, so that will never change ) and actively looking for positive things that I can be that I never considered before.  I look at that as part of my healthy recovery and having control over how I want the rest of my life to look like.

Hope that helps.