She's trying to hoover me... UGH!

[I like vanilla]

I have been no contact with my parents for more than seven years, and low contact for several years more than that (including several attempts at no contact before getting hoovered up again). I have been making peace with the idea that my parents never really loved me. My mother is an uNP and my father an enabler with abusive, explosive rage. I suffered all forms of abuse at their hands.

I have found a good therapist, whom I have been seeing for three years. I have been working hard at recovery and at having a good life with good loving people in it. I have largely been succeeding, with some snags, obstacles, and hiccups along the way I am moving forward step by step. I have even started being good with the idea that I will likely be spending the holidays on my own (my friends are out of town with their families and the parts of my family that I still speak to are far away). I have had a rough few months (fighting suicidal ideation, etc.) and am finally getting my feet under me.  I have made plans for self care days with activities that feel good to me and have actually been looking forward to a nurturing break.

Then - KAPOW! I get home today and discover that my NM has sent me a Christmas card. UGH! Seriously?!? How does she always seem to know when I am starting to feel a bit better??? I feel like someone has tried to pull the rug out from under me. UGH!!! It has been years since I have heard from her, the last about four years ago with emotional blackmail with the veiled threat that my father was ill and I must see them before 'it's too late'... then blissful nothing. But now THIS!! Do the hoovering attempts ever stop?!?

Please, someone tell me that the hoovering will stop at some point... OK maybe don't because I suppose I unfortunately would not believe it anyway.

UGH!!

[Three Roses]

Ugh indeed! I'm not going to tell you she'll give up at some point, I can't guarantee that. What would make you feel better? You could mark it "Refused" and return it - tear it up - use it to line the bird cage - burn it - what else could you do to break that feeling of being hovered?

[Dee]

I like burning things.  I have even wrote my own letters to others and burned them as well.

[finallyfree]

I am so sorry she is again attempting to suck you back in. I have also had these same experiences. As painful as it is to break from them, you finally start feeling better and then here they come out of nowhere attempting to suck you back in. I like to compare it to the famous line in the godfather movie when Michael says " Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in". The last note I received was very nasty. I took a picture of it, and then shred it. I from time to time read it as a reminder of exactly who they are. That is the only reason I wanted to keep it. Please try to not allow it to upset you, I know that is far easier said than done. You have made great progress up until now, just stay the course. I think they are miserable and will never stop attempting to suck me back in. The only thing I can attempt to do and the only thing I am in control of is how I react. For me not reacting is a win, ignoring it and them is my small victory and not allowing them to hurt abuse or upset me further. Again far easier to say than do. I wish you all the best and a wonderful holiday season.