Mi parents, my enemies

[BlancaLap]

After all this months it seemed like I had forgotten something that seemed so obvious to me: that my parents are my enemies. It seems like I'm in war with my mother: this is no simple mother-daughter argument. We don't trust each other, we have not forgotten each other for what we have done to each other, and we still are in war, everyday. I wish I could just go away and don't see her anymore.
And with my father... well, let's see I don't see him even like a human being. If he wanted for me to see him like a human being he should start acting like one! For me, he is just a threat. That's how I have seen him all my life.

I wish I could just go away of this twisted family. I wish I could just stop faking everything is all right between us: it's not.

If I get a job, if I start making my own money, I'm gonna definitely stop talking to them. The idea just feels so... comforting.

[Dee]

It's so hard, I am sorry this is happening to you.  The hard part is even when a person escapes, it is hard to get out of the prison.  All you can do is work on you and unless they are willing to work on them it won't improve.

[BlancaLap]

The hard part is even when a person escapes, it is hard to get out of the prison.  All you can do is work on you and unless they are willing to work on them it won't improve.

True

[sanmagic7]

best to you with this, blanca.  there are so many levels at work here.  just keep putting one foot in front of the other - i have no doubt you'll get to where you are going.  big hug.

[BlancaLap]

Big hug to you too sanmagic7

[ah]

Blanca,

I'm so sorry, I know how painful it is to see your parents put themselves first, that they don't have your best interests at heart. It's terrible, especially because abuse leaves us dependent on our abusers and it's confusing beyond words to know you depend on a person who isn't good enough. I hope you can get away from your parents soon.

This is just based on my bad personal experience, your situation my be very different, but...

I've been in a similar situation with my parents in the past. They were very dangerous to me, and eventually I waged cold war on them I mean it wasn't hot, I didn't show my parents my emotions, especially not my anger or frustration or my hopes. I acted as smart as I could, made personal decisions on my own without discussing them with my parents, still gave them the impression that I was doing exactly what they wanted, didn't get into arguments with them, and let them see the nice smiley neutral daughter they wanted to see - it was the safest route as long as I was living with them. It was self protection and it worked.

I totally agree with sanmagic, one foot in front of the other. I say, take care of yourself. Be yourself here on the forums, study, get stronger, gain more and more tools to become financially independent, and put on a nice show so that your parents will think all is well. Be a very good actor 

I'm sorry you have to go through all this, I know how hard it is.

[BlancaLap]

The truth is, I don't want to fake, cause I don't want to fear them... and I don't want to care about what they may do to me... I want to be better than them... or at least don't care about it... I guess I'll have to rely on strangers to help me...

[Dee]

I have found that the only person that can help me is me.  I have searched for someone to rescue me until I learned only I can do that.  My T or anyone else can't save me.  Only I can do that.