when everything feels like a trigger

[demeter]

Yesterday I was triggered by my relationship.  Regularly, it is very hard for me to tease out what is old baggage and what is present-day baggage.  Mistrust and fear of abandonment are two big issues for me.  I feel scared that through a combination of an emotionally abusive childhood and events in my adult life, I will never be able to trust or feel safe in an intimate relationship.  I feel scared today that I will never have a normal life, nor that I can be functional at work or in relationship because of trust issues and very low self esteem.  I have addressed these issues in Adult Children of Alcoholic Groups, Talk therapy and general group therapy.  I just pray that one day I will have a sane intimate relationship with a partner.  I have a hard time picking people whom can validate my feelings and that I can talk to about my C-PTSD because they are not as far along in their own recovery.  Today I feel like isolating so badly.  I went into shame and depression flashbacks and then the inner critic kicked in.  Really, I just want a loving, validating relationship with a partner that can I talk through conflict instead of yell at me when I am flashing  back.   

[Dee]

Welcome.  I have also had issues with relationships.  For now, I'm content with working on me.