Get counseling - male versus female, any preference?

[lambchop]

 

Hi,

It's been years of struggling to find the right psychotherapist and I'm about to start the search again. I chose my last therapist because he was male (given my history with not trusting men, I'm a woman) and his skill set was PTSD. It didn't work out between us because he didn't have the skills to treat CPTSD but he mentioned that his client base is usually men and believes most women with trauma issues seek female therapists.

I'm very interested to hear your insights on this.

[Rainagain]

I'm male, I've only ever had female counsellors and male psychiatrists.

The counsellors didn't really get it, two of the psychiatrists did, one was really good and wise.

I think counsellors are over matched by cptsd, its like the counselling Olympics and most are just fun run people really......

[woodsgnome]

I'm a guy, and have had both genders as therapists. The commonality was that only a couple were halfways on track with things in general, and all were out of their league regarding cptsd (both before and after it was better defined). That said, my current T, a woman, is lights out the best one I've encountered, and excels in every aspect of what I need from a therapist.

While I'm sure there's lots of analytics I could mention as to why she's so superior to the rest, I think it boils down to one thing--attitude. Meaning she doesn't carry airs of 'top-down--me therapist you-poor thing'. She views our time as working together. Not wholly as equals--she is a skilled T, but is willing to be wrong sometimes. and she's willing to admit what she does and doesn't know (or feel wholly adequate with). In short, there's no chutzpah to her approach; she's not about fixing me, but helping me as best she can. Perhaps it helps that she's been on the client side of therapy as well and realizes the vulnerability, ins and outs of both sides of the therapy experience.

I'm not sure if she's that way with others. She readily admits her approach may not match everyone's needs either. What stands out in particular is that I've never felt as comfortable with any of the other T's . Which is also not to say it's been easy with her--not at all. Parts of this journey have been excruciating, but I don't shy away as badly as I did with T's I didn't feel okay with.

My own view, based on experiences with her and those going back 20 years, is that in my case gender didn't seem to matter. What's dangerous is the T's who think they 'know' you and don't have a clue. I had one male T who stereotyped me as a 'woodsman' and would take up big chunks of therapy time wanting to discuss the merits of various brands of chainsaws. I mean--good grief! 

So that's just my outlook. As a freeze per Walker's cptsd typology, I'm also 'hard' to work with. But the current T relationship of a couple of years now doesn't match that--yes, it's hard, but it's a positive hard, if that makes sense. And gender, I don't think, has had much of a role in this therapy experience. The difference-maker for me has been, again--attitude.

[Rainagain]

Suppose in my case I stihl haven't found the right counsellor........

[Blueberry]

I'm female and I've had both female and male. My present T is male and very good for me. In my FOO (family of origin) neither males nor females were safe. I was most badly abused (in various ways) by a female. I actually often have difficulties with a female T especially if they're trying to do non-trauma T with me and do work on inter-relationship skills.  Usually turns into big problems with projection.

My present T is well-versed in CPTSD and believes that the answers lie with the patient. He helps me reach the answers only. My trick question with a new T is: "Do you have all the answers? Do you know everything?" The one I tried before my current T really said he knew everything except my history  I did try him out for a couple of sessions because there aren't too many trauma Ts round here, but    It takes me an hour and a half to get to T, one way, but it's been worth it.

My present T said right at the beginning that he doesn't take on everybody. He checks to make sure it's compatible for him as well, as in: Can he work with this client? Can he get on with this client?