Invisible progress made visible!

Started by Sceal, January 24, 2018, 08:40:58 PM

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Sceal

I have had alot of support from you guys throughout the last few months. And many has commented over and over again that I've been making progress. It hasn't always felt like that. In-fact, it didn't feel like that at all. It felt like I was in the middle of the battle, with little hope of getting out.  But my deepest, most heartfelt thank you for you all who's been cheering me on, supporting me and listening to me.  :grouphug:

But the last week(s?) have given me tiny droplets of hints that I have made progress. I was reminded in DBT group today that we also need to practice our skills at smaller steps and not only in the bigger conversations/situations. To me the examples I've brought back to group has been big, but not impossible obstacles. I find it harder to find the smaller steps to take. The smaller moments to practice on. We were talking about dialectic thought towards issues. And an example they used was "Bugger all, it's such awful weather outside" - "but that makes even better to be inside"

I wrote a few months ago about the girl who took my tent "hostage" and gave me silent treatment because I set boundaries and wasn't open to do her a big favour. There's been very little progress. Until today. Today I had the courage to text her telling her I would be in her area of town tomorrow afternoon and I intend to pick up my tent. If it is an inconveniance for her, she would have to deliver it to me next week.  I felt brave. Nervous. Determined. Terrified.  Hours later she (actually) replied. She would be out that day, but she'd leave a key and leave the tent in the hallway. VICTORY! I get my tent back - AND I don't have to face her.

Another thing I managed to do, was to stand up infront of 8 strangers saying I will not be able to participate in holding a mini lecture for our class at uni. That it was not the time or place for me to practice exposure therapy - I actually said it. I was filled with fear, shame, nausea. but I did it. And they accepted it.

I am more present and aware. I dissociate less - and I don't mind.

I did manage to tell my T what I need in therapy. And I did tell her I need HER help to get through it.

I am currently (hopefully I wont forget) aware that these are major victories for me. And I did them without  holding anyone's hand, or seeking council with anyone right before the actions were made.


P.S I know, I know! I am supposed to keep it to a few paragraphs as possible... I am just finding it really hard to do these days.  (Sorry!  :hug: :bigwink: )

Blueberry

Quote from: Sceal on January 24, 2018, 08:40:58 PM
I wrote a few months ago about the girl who took my tent "hostage" ... There's been very little progress. Until today. Today I had the courage to text her telling her I would be in her area of town tomorrow afternoon and I intend to pick up my tent. ...  I felt brave. Nervous. Determined. Terrified.  Hours later she (actually) replied. She would be out that day, but she'd leave a key and leave the tent in the hallway. VICTORY! I get my tent back - AND I don't have to face her.

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:


Quote from: Sceal on January 24, 2018, 08:40:58 PM
Another thing I managed to do, was to stand up infront of 8 strangers saying I will not be able to participate in holding a mini lecture for our class at uni. That it was not the time or place for me to practice exposure therapy - I actually said it. I was filled with fear, shame, nausea. but I did it. And they accepted it.

I am more present and aware. I dissociate less - and I don't mind.

I did manage to tell my T what I need in therapy. And I did tell her I need HER help to get through it.

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: It's great progress to see your own progress too!

Quote from: Sceal on January 24, 2018, 08:40:58 PM
P.S I know, I know! I am supposed to keep it to a few paragraphs as possible... I am just finding it really hard to do these days. 

It's not a hard and fast rule. Sometimes our posts end up a bit longer. You run the risk of fewer people reading them though.

Sceal

Thank you Blueberry!
It most certainly feels great to know I am making progress. I find it difficult to cling on to it, but I will try and keep reminding myself.  :hug:

Rainagain

I remember your tent!

The friend who is a self described narcissist. Really pleased for you.

That is what progress looks like!

Yay

Sceal

Thank you for remembering, Rainagain.
And thank you for your support!  :cheer: ;D

Mussymel

Sceal reading this post has given me hope. Well done you!

Sceal

That makes me very happy to hear, mussymel!