Does a self help group re-traumatise?

[Gromit]

My T seems to have a theory that being on online forums like this could be re-traumatising to me, keeping me focussed on the past rather than the here and now.

Aside from the initial, wow, there are other people who understand! I probably stay away until I come up against difficulties in the here and now, and difficulties explaining why I am having difficulties. It is nice not to have to explain myself, to find other people 'get it' when even I am not sure what 'it' is. Of course, it is also nice to feel that I am helping someone else, which occasionally happens.

If I hadn't found OOTF I would have continued thinking I was the only one. It isn't great knowing there are a great many of us, but it is helpful to know I am not alone and that other people are further on, and able to see what I cannot when difficulty strikes.

I suppose my other experience has been in Al-Anon, where, newbies would tell long stories of their alcoholic's wrong-doings, until they were gently persuaded to talk about themselves instead, and how they had used the tools for recovery.

Getting stuck in the storm needs to happen before recovery and the clean up job starts. I was in Al-Anon a long time & still use the tools I learnt there. I hadn't learnt any tools in my FOO except maladaptive ones.

I suppose I wonder what longer term members think? Why do this?

[Rainagain]

Good question gromit.

I think lots of things and situations can retraumatise.

I don't think this site is much of a risk, keen moderators and gentle users who  know what trauma feels like.

The idea behind this site is working on your own recovery rather than hand wringing or dwelling in the past.

Your T is right in general but this site is way better than that.

A group session in real life could easily knock my wheels off but I don't feel like that about this space.

I don't have a T so this is my only access to people who understand, just knowing I'm not alone with cptsd helps.

And sometimes I get to help someone with a post, that feels good.

Or i ask about my symptoms and find others have the same issues.

Every little helps.

[DecimalRocket]

Well, I find this site helpful. Many of us don't deal with our past by forgetting it entirely. When we try to force moving on, our suppressed stress could show up in harmful ways - as in becoming more easily exhausted or even some kind of physical illness.

Being able to slowly process it as we're surrounded by different people who are accepting and who we can relate to is something many of us find rewarding. Many of us come here hesitant to share anything, but grow more trusting as time passes.

I stay here because others accepting me allows me to accept myself more. It also feels less of a weight on me if someone else is there to be with me too. Even without people reading my posts, being able to process and organize my thoughts here help me understand myself better. Connecting to people here and getting attached to them gives meaning to my life. Sharing ideas to other people here gives of a certain feeling of confidence that I have control in my life - and that I don't stay in the role of helpless victim all the time.

[Blueberry]

I think if you notice you're getting re-traumatised here, then that would be your answer. Retraumatising is maybe a strong word though? Something can severely throw me for a loop without actually being retraumatising. I mean, I don't want what your T said to frighten you beyond necessary.

If you read a post here - whether in response to one of your own or not - and you feel attacked or hurt or anything like that, please report it! Click on Report to moderator (blue) at bottom right hand corner of post. Nobody except the Mods and Admins will know that you reported and we are sworn to secrecy  it's our job. We take all reports seriously, and will edit a post if necessary. Sometimes just a Trigger Warning needs to be added, or the TW needs to be specified like CSA or whatever. Report that too!

Occasionally the Admins even ban a member (after a number of warnings, which are pmmed to the person) if the member continues acting against guidelines and blowing up the board. In this way, we try to make OOTS as safe as possible.

I don't go to 12 Step groups anymore because I get very agitated in them and end up in Fight modus. During the time I was still forcing myself to go, I was certainly damaging my Inner Children and they eventually acted out  A number of years later I tried again several different times, but I ended up going home afterwards very agitated or leaving part way through to protect myself. Even the comparisons that go on there would get me really agitated. Other people on here go to 12 Step groups, I read that occasionally. So I don't think a blanket ban on self-help groups is advisable, or a blanket suggestion from T that they can be retraumatising.

My T knows I'm on here and he's realised from the way I talk about it that OOTS is doing me a lot of good. I'm sure he hasn't checked the site out, English isn't even his language. Occasionally a new member mentions that their T suggested they come here.

I agree with Rainagain that many situations and things can retraumatise us. I've even been retraumatised by therapists, including ones who were supposedly doing trauma-informed work!!

[woodsgnome]

I think re-traumatization is less of a "re" situation than a deep-seated or even hidden trauma popping up unexpectedly. In other words, the original trauma goes underground and while much of what we do seeks to control its resurfacing, the original trauma is still hanging around in the background.

With regard to groups, their effect is entirely dependent on the people in them. Certain types of people will always traumatize me to an extent--they remind me of the original trauma and/or perpetrators, sometimes just by their looks (unfair but true). So it's not just the format of a group; you have to add in the personalities involved; even the most innocent person can trigger something, I've found. It's tiring to be so careful, but learning to live with it is part of the trauma recovery--more effective than wiping out the memory in total.

Living with traumatic memories is like tip-toeing across a minefield with explosives--seen and unseen--lying all around. Even something that seems safe can end up backfiring. But it's probably more dangerous never to have tried, as it would prevent any relief at all from manifesting and the trauma would never have found a way to at least partially heal.

[Gromit]

I think if you notice you're getting re-traumatised here, then that would be your answer. Retraumatising is maybe a strong word though? Something can severely throw me for a loop without actually being retraumatising. I mean, I don't want what your T said to frighten you beyond necessary.

If you read a post here - whether in response to one of your own or not - and you feel attacked or hurt or anything like that, please report it! Click on Report to moderator (blue) at bottom right hand corner of post. Nobody except the Mods and Admins will know that you reported and we are sworn to secrecy  it's our job. We take all reports seriously, and will edit a post if necessary. Sometimes just a Trigger Warning needs to be added, or the TW needs to be specified like CSA or whatever. Report that too!

I don't feel retraumatised here, but it is good to have a reminder, thanks. I felt it on another site, someone had quoted me and taken offence at my innocent Q. There they had a system where you could stop seeing posts from specific people, kind of like Blocking on Facebook. I don't like blocking, but have had to do it on Facebook.

This forum feels more like a place for answers.
12 Step groups are only as 'good' as the people in them, there can be 'acting out' everywhere.

I like being able to test things out here. Like the symptoms, are they normal or C-PTSD? Or if I feel uncomfortable about something, someone here can help me to understand why, kind of validating what I feel.

[ah]

I think for me, hard isn't necessarily retraumatizing. Hard can be empowering. Learning new things can be uncomfortable at first. When I read about trauma it can be triggering and painful but it's good for me. I end up with better understanding and more self acceptance. So writing and reading about cptsd can be hard in the same way a good therapy session can be, I guess.

And, some sites do stick only to the past and I can totally see how that can become an escape from the present, instead of remembering and acknowledging your past and relating it to your present feelings, grounding yourself. I totally agree if we only talked about the past and others, it could be retraumatizing and futile. But here we give emphasis to the present, to healing, to being willing to fall down and get up again and again in our attempts to become stronger than our trauma.

I think OOTS is so much better, and not retraumatizing at all. Well... so far 

[sanmagic7]

i've been to many self-groups, both on and off line.  this is the only one where i've felt accepted and actually helped. 

gromit, i think you're the only one who knows if something is traumatizing to you.  there are times when i'm feeling particularly sensitive and am not able to read certain posts because i feel the pain so deeply.  but i feel respected here in that i don't have to take on every subject anyone writes about, and that feels safer than i've ever felt before.

i also believe this is not a forum that stays in the past.  people here have helped me with very present problems i've had, have given me information as well as support for whatever i've been going thru.  i would definitely recommend this to traumatized clients as a therapist.  i see recovery all over here, rather than continued and consistent wallowing (which i've seen in many other groups).  that, to me, shows what this place is all about.

[Eyessoblue]

Hi my therapist told me exactly the same thing, she told me not to join any sites like this or look up symptoms on google etc, she said it would make me far worse then better. I wouldn't have survived without this site, all the questions I have asked always get answered and this site has helped me when I've needed it most, not sure where else or how else I would have survived. I think my therapist thought I'd start getting worse if I looked at peoples posts etc but the trigger warnings help me with that and I know what not to read etc.

[PaperClip]

I know it can to those who are unaware or have an inability for introspection, usually "beginners" or newbies. 

40 years in and out of family-related 12 step groups and even hard core 12th step work occasionally. h

This pits me in a difficult position when dealing with anyone closely, especially a T. I see their issues and it makes me and mine balk with projections of impending doom which is not realistic, but becomes a trigger in and of itself. 

I lurked for a good while before joining this forum.  It is good.  Newbies may not be able to tell.

Still, I am where I am and my recovery is my own responsibility. 

[Dee]

I feel this site can be helpful, in moderation.  Constantly being here wouldn't be good, I don't see that from you.  Knowing how to balance is a part of recovery.  Not ignoring the past, but not living in the past is a goal of mine.