Hi, I'm new here.

[Seas]

Just having a real difficult time. Cptsd probably...been a long time with these issues, now. Been a really long time. I'm up and down. 31 years old...and male. It's been a long time I've had issues since I was 13 they started, and really began. Just looking for support here. A member of a different forum but looking for something better here. Lately, Ive noticed its emotional regulation  (I have developed these within my FOI) that wreck me absolutely. It's complicated. I have a conflicted relationship with my family. I have trauma history, and a pretty invalidating father, which is the source I think for a lot of my problems. I also have a mother whom I fight with constantly and a brother I don't talk to, because we fight.
I basically fight and am estranged from everyone, basically. I don't like or want it to be this way, but that's somehow, just how it is. I'm a sensitive guy...interpersonal arguments, especially with my Mother (my father's long passed away)...set me off and trigger me, absolutely wrench me inside into emotional dysregulation, depression...
I was pretty invalidated for everything all the time growing up, by both parents. It was an invalidating family...the trauma just added to it and made this worse. I have a lot of problems with people. I don't get along with them. Things set me off, I get into fights, and react drastically. Etc. I'm up and down and trying to do something about that.


I've noticed as of late the biggest triggers for me are interpersonal family fights. With my Mother, things will end badly and I'll be messed up, and depressed for days...feeling guilty. When things are good they're great, but there're still a lot of * arguments that happen out of nowhere, for some reason.  I always get blamed of course, but I think it's partly her. I could explain but it takes too much. Maybe I'll give an example later.

I want to minimize such events, and work on my emotional coping, so these things don't happen or occur in the future. They absolutely wreck me and exact a huge functioning toll, throw me into depression, etc and emotional deregulation. I've noticed the triggers.


I've had this conflicted relationship with my family members since the trauma happened.
I'm just now starting to deal with all of this and heal.



Thanks.

[Rainagain]

Hi seas and welcome aboard.

If you are looking for some explanation for things then this is the place, lots of info here, lots of the pieces of our own personal jigsaws are here to assemble.

You have made a brave first post, welcome.

[songbirdrosa]

Hi Seas. I'm sorry you've been through such a difficult time, and really hope you find what you're looking for here. There's a lot of support on this forum

[Elphanigh]

Hello Seas, I am glad you have come to this place and hope it helps you how it has me. It sounds like you are really awareness of all that has occurred, and what affects you currently. That is such a giant step in being able to heal 

I am sorry to hear about all that you have gone through, many people here have complicated relationships with their families (me included) there is even a section on FOO (family of origin). There's might be something to shed some light there if you are looking to read.

Welcome again!

[Blueberry]

Hello Seas, Welcome on here

I'll echo Elphanigh on many people here having complicated relationships with FOO members - I'm one of them. I used to feel that I fought with everybody, all the time, so I can really relate to that part of your post too.

This forum has helped me immeasurably, I hope it helps you too!

[sanmagic7]

welcome, seas.  very glad you made it here.

i've found a lot of support, kindness, and information here that has helped me so much.  i do hope you can find the same.  this forum is filled with kind, generous,caring people.   very sorry to hear about all you're going thru.  hope to hear more from you, when you're ready.

[Dee]

Welcome!

My mom is such a huge issue with me I can commiserate.  All my immediate family is an issue, but my mom more so.  I also feel unsupported by them.  I do find this forum extremely supportive and I have no doubt you will as well.

[Kizzie]

Hi Seas, just wanted to chime in and say I had a lot of difficulty with family relationships too, so much so that I had to go low/no contact,  I just didn't have any emotional energy/room to move forward in recovery because of all the drama and trauma swirling around them constantly. The fight (or freeze, flee, fawn) response happens for a reason, it's just hard to see why clearly when you're always in the midst of it.  Once I stepped back I was able to see what was going on and had more energy to do something about it other than just react.  I just wanted to share what worked for me - it sounds like you are getting ready to put some distance in your family relationships and if so, I do hope it is a helpful recovery strategy for you.