Disassociation during Sex

Started by reyna54, February 13, 2018, 09:42:16 PM

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reyna54

Lately all of my symptoms have gotten a lot worse, especially dissociation. I am in a closed relationship with a live in boyfriend. We have been together for 3 years and he is supportive and understanding of my CPTSD. We have always had a very active sex life, and I have always genuinely enjoyed sex. For some reason I have been dissociation during sex nearly every single time. It is awful, and makes that sexual interaction immediately unenjoyable for me. I don't normally stop the interaction because I don't want my partner to be deprived, but this has been increasing and making me aversive to sex.
Anyone experience dissociation during sex? What helps? I have tried grounding techniques that work in my everyday life but they do not seem to work in most sexual positions for me.

sanmagic7

while i haven't dissociated during sex, per se, i used to when self-pleasuring, especially in the beginning.  i think it was because of the stigma of such behavior, especially for a woman.  this was  50 yrs. ago, when that kind of thing wasn't spoken about, was looked down upon, kept secret, and beliefs such as 'you'll go insane' or, especially for males 'you'll grow hair on the palms of your hands' were prevalent.

sex has had so many neg. connotations in our lives and if dissociation is viewed as a defense mechanism against being overwhelmed by negativity, or by the intimacy of it, or with any body issues we may have, i'd be surprised if there weren't a lot of people dissociating during sex.  it's also very difficult for some people to talk about.

if you have a t, i think it would be a good topic for exploration, especially what you might be protecting yourself from.  i believe we were created to have positive sexual experiences, so something like dissociation might be getting in the way for a reason you're not aware of, or not ready to face yet.

in your time and place, reyna.  this is your recovery, and i'm not trying to push you into anything you're not comfortable about dealing with.  these are just some of my own ideas and opinions.  gentle, caring hug to you.


Elphanigh

I definitely echo what San has said. For me I never dissociated but did used to get very triggered during sex (it still happened occasionally with my last partner). For me I had to take time, and sometime breaks, to keep those at bay. It was, like you said, a form of grounding that I needed. Maybe it could help you not dissociate as well. There isn't no doubt some source for the dissociation but it could help until you can figure out what that is

Sceal

I think you should also talk with your boyfriend. You say he is very supportive of your CPTSD, then I think he will welcome that you are honest with him. Perhaps you can take it slower for a while, or do other things than full on stuff? See if that will help with the relationship between the two of you.
I didn't talk to my ex about the same problem. It created such a huge problem and a vicious circle for me, without going into details, it ended our relationship.

I also second the others, if you have a T, maybe it's possible to talk about it with him/her for additional processing and healing.

Cookido

Oh woaw, I thought for a while I wrote your post because I'm literally in the same situation with my BF from 3 years back. Kinda gave me a scare for a bit that I without knowing wrote in the forum, because I've been dwelling on the subject a lot. Glad you brought it up. 

I dissociate quite often during sex lately. I don't feel my body, I'm in my head thinking about, well, everything. It's uncomfortable and not sure how to tell my BF.

What helps I've noticed is to set limits, if I notice that I dissociate, then I stop the act. I need to feel safe and comfortable during sex. I need to feel that I'm in control and that my partner is on the same page as I am. Sex shouldn't be forced, it should be enjoyable for both parts. Maybe try longer foreplay just to make sure you are relaxed and safe, and stop if you feel like you aren't in the moment. And also, it is okay to not want sex or not feel like it, it's your decision.

This is my experience of it, hope it can help. And you are not alone either.