Letter to E

  • 4 Replies
  • 16 Views
*

Elphanigh

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • 1377
    • View Profile
Letter to E
« on: February 13, 2018, 08:58:14 PM »
Preface: I am calling her E for sake of simplicity here. It refers to my old narc flute professor. Also not sure if I am going to truly be able to write this with all the power I intend to.

Dear E,

I am done listening to all the ways you never thought I was good enough. You stole from me the very thing that made me who I am . It was the thing I have wanted and enjoyed most in my life. You took a hopeful freshman, who had nothing but light in her eyes, and tore her to pieces. You have such a talent for taking someone's love for the flute and smashing it under all the judgement and stifiling rules. Your studio was a place of battle for me, and others. I had to mentally prepare for a battle anytime I knew I was coming in for a lesson or a class. Even just a five minute meeting was something I would dread for days before hand. You turned my love for music into a hate for it. It wasn't music I hated but the abuse I was enduring that I hated.

I blamed myself and music for the horrible things you did. I was mad at myself and at music as a whole for all the ways I was feeling. I believed it was my lack or music's cruelness that was making me sick. That the girl that loved music, and dreamed of that life was just a stupid little kid that shouldn't have dreamed so big.

 I am recovering from many things, one of those is you. I am reclaiming what you stole from me. I am more than enough. No matter what happens I am enough because music is something to be loved and enjoyed. It is not something to be sick over. I am done feeding into the system that did so much harm to me. I am going to play for myself, not for you any longer. I will come back from what you caused.

I wish you had treated me with the kindness that you spoke to others about me with. They all saw the proud teacher, they didn't see the one I saw. The one that almost stole my love for music. I will come back and be brilliant, and you will have no piece of the thanks for that. I continue despite you, and stronger than I ever was. I am done being your little flute player, I am done.
You are the spirit that survived. You are the deep roots that continued to grow beneath the surface... You are the beauty that remained, waiting patiently for the right time to bloom.

*

Three Roses

  • Member
  • 1052
  • CPTSD is an injury, not an illness.
    • View Profile
Re: Letter to E
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2018, 09:19:03 AM »
 :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :applause: :applause: :applause:
"My past is an armor I cannot take off, no matter how many times you tell me the war is over." ~ Jessica Katoff

*

Elphanigh

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • 1377
    • View Profile
Re: Letter to E
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2018, 09:21:54 AM »
Thank you Three Roses. This took me a long time to write. It isn't as powerful as i wanted it to be, but it is a step
You are the spirit that survived. You are the deep roots that continued to grow beneath the surface... You are the beauty that remained, waiting patiently for the right time to bloom.

*

Three Roses

  • Member
  • 1052
  • CPTSD is an injury, not an illness.
    • View Profile
Re: Letter to E
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2018, 09:25:40 AM »
IMO, it's very powerful. Dispassionate, clear, self-aware, strong. A++ in my book!
"My past is an armor I cannot take off, no matter how many times you tell me the war is over." ~ Jessica Katoff

*

Elphanigh

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • 1377
    • View Profile
Re: Letter to E
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2018, 09:30:14 AM »
I am glad, that made me feel very good. I appreciate it. Can look at it with less judgemental eyes  :hug:
You are the spirit that survived. You are the deep roots that continued to grow beneath the surface... You are the beauty that remained, waiting patiently for the right time to bloom.