Is this abuse? **trigger warning**

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dressymessy

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Is this abuse? **trigger warning**
« on: February 20, 2018, 01:44:17 AM »
I'm just feeling kinda invalidated lately and have a hard time admitting what happened.  So regarding the following experience is it abuse?

We only ever had a clear shower curtain and no lock on the door.  My mom would always come in to the bathroom when I was showering and comment pretty graphically on my developing body.  Lots of it centered on how attractive I was getting or chubby.  School clothes shopping involved a lot of her in the dressing room with me feeling to make sure bras fit and checking clothing as well. She pressured me into wearing the most revealing clothing possible calling me prude if I didn't like it.  After spending basically all day shopping we would get home really late and she would make me model my new outfits in front of her no matter how hungry or tired I was. Still making me change in front of her.  It was at this point or when my stepdad noticed something a little too low cut she would start shaming me for liking the clothes she picked out saying some variaton of it being slutty/trashy.  She also only bought me clothes or shoes the night before school started so I had no choice but to go shopping for hours and hours or go a full year without clothing or have holey shoes that didn't fit. 

She would constantly warn me about how I was probably going to be raped if I did this or that.  Then she would make me do things that would actually put me in danger like leaving me alone with a convicted child molester that beat his wife half to death. Or she would get super high and invite friends over that werent shining examples of moral character. Or not pick me up for several hours after I was done working near a busy truck stop after telling me how dangerous it was to be there at night.

I was frequently sick because of other neglect and abuse but she would insist on bringing me to one creepy doctor over and over who would hold my hands and compliment my eyes and say how pretty I was.  Or let my brothers creepy teenage friends stay over without him around. One of whom is now convicted of rape and another did make sexual comments about me. 

As soon as I could remember she would tell me in graphic detail about her sex life or lack thereof.  When I was old enough she would ask if I was gay since I didn't have a boyfriend and when I did she would push birth control on me like no other. When I finally asked for birth control and said it was for sex she started crying in the doctors office.  From that point she would set up opportunities for me to have sex then shame me for it later.  She would ask invasive questions about my sex life trying to live vicariously through me.

I just don't know what to think right now just kinda reexamining what I thought was normal.

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Elphanigh

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Re: Is this abuse? **trigger warning**
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2018, 02:01:22 AM »
Hi Dressmessy,

I would like to validate your thoughts about this being abuse. There is a clear lack of boundaries in everythingyou wrote here. I believe moms are supposed to be close but not like that. It made you uncomfortable, and in some cases put you in danger as you wrote in you post. That is certainly abuse.

That being said I know how hard that truth can be. I am sitting here with you for whatever you may need. You are in very good company on this forum  :hug:

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Dee

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Re: Is this abuse? **trigger warning**
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2018, 03:18:14 AM »

It was abuse.  What makes it worse is that it had to be so confusing for you.  In my opinion, there was a lot of transference and gas lighting. 

Not long ago I realized even the things that I thought were normal were not.  I had to come to the conclusion that my abuse started before I even realized.  How would a child know that it wasn't what other kids' experiences were?

I believe that it is all damaging.  What matters is how the person who experienced it felt.  I don't think there is such a thing as minor CSA.  The symptoms are often the same.  Each person suffered.

I'm sorry you grew up with this.  It was wrong, not your fault, and should of never happened.

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Three Roses

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Re: Is this abuse? **trigger warning**
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2018, 06:17:29 AM »
It was abuse. I'm sorry the little girl that was you had to go thru that.  :hug:

I'm glad you found us - thanks for joining!

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sanmagic7

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Re: Is this abuse? **trigger warning**
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2018, 04:49:09 PM »
hey, dressymessy, i agree with the others and want to validate your feelings that it was abuse.

boundaries crossed, sexual comments and innuendos, 'modeling' when it was uncomfy for you, then turning it all around and shaming you, exposing you to dangerous situations and people - nope, not at all okay.  completely wrong.

very sorry you had to go thru that.  it wasn't right, wasn't your fault.  gentle caring hug, if you want it.

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Blueberry

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Re: Is this abuse? **trigger warning**
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2018, 05:04:48 PM »
dressymessy,
I echo the others. That was definitely abuse.